Please let me know if this isn’t allowed.
So, I’m 22 F.
I dated a guy when I was 20. He wouldn’t do foreplay with me or put any effort into sex, he would just penetrate me and then leave. Sometimes he would also do things I did not want to do like he would finish inside when I told him no. He’d make comments about how I never give a blow job when he doesn’t return the favor and how I wasn’t into him because I wasn’t wet enough during when he’d just penetrate. It would often hurt at times as well because he wouldn’t take his time to make sure I’m wet enough to be able to handle it.
We’ve broken up last year. I’ve been single since. Ive been struggling with intense body image issues ever since. I’ve even lost weight and look better and I still feel the same as when I was bigger.
I feel like he didn’t want to put in effort because my body wasn’t worth it. I wasn’t worth it. I feel like everybody else will the feel about it.
Anyone else experience something similar to where you felt ugly after bad sexual experiences?
9 comments
He didn’t put in effort besides he was just a really awful person.
Please please please don’t feel bad because of a piece of shit, I swear that was a selfish piece of shit that’s all. Just from this comment I could tell your sexy by your character. That you actually care about your self and not some slut that sleeps around. You sound like a gem and please know your worth. Because the fact you feel sad means your actually worth so much. Watch when you come across the right one and cherish you in detail. Then you’ll see how gorgeous you are. I promise you. Attraction is important but you want someone who your both attracted too and really cherishs you and cares about you before doing things to make sure your okay. Trust me
I’m a guy, so I can only relate so much. But… a few things:
(1) You are worth it. Your body is worth it. You had sex with a selfish jerk for a while. Don’t let him ruin sex for you. Some guy *will* appreciate you and be loving and better and not be an asshole.
(2) I was a teenage boy at one time. I had sex where I wasn’t always as sensitive to my partner as I could have been. I never said the things your partner did (that’s *awful*), but young guys are often, frankly, selfish in bed and don’t know how to really pleasure a woman. And a lot of them don’t care enough, because they’re pumped full of testosterone that just makes them want to come. They don’t care how — they just want that release. And unfortunately it contributes to making some guys to be selfish and complete jerks.
(3) I once had a girlfriend who broke up with me in a rather extreme fashion right after we had sex and basically told me that she disliked my body and had to get drunk to have sex with me. That the only reason she ended up in a relationship with me was because I wore a long coat on the night we first met, which covered up the small bit of a “gut” I had at the time. Basically, she made me feel fat and ugly… and that hurt for a long time.
Eventually, with quite a few years of hindsight, I was able to look back and realize that she was broken herself at the time. She even figured that out in the months after our breakup, and she needed time figure out her own issues. She was lashing out and saying hurtful things to me, but it wasn’t really about me.
Anyhow, this is a very different situation from you — but I lost a bit of weight too and felt better and eventually found a partner who really loved my body and loved *me*. Even if I sometimes have a bit of a gut. 🙂
Intimacy is inherently risky — because you put a lot of trust in being together physically and naked with another person. And your guy *betrayed your trust*. That’s awful.
But some other guy is out there who will love and cherish you and your body. I found better partners after my experience and so will you.
He didn’t put any effort into it because he’s an asshole. Good job he’s your ex, everyone deserves better than someone like him. Don’t sell yourself short, everyone deserves to be treated right. And what he did was anything but. Don’t let him get into your head. And even if it wasn’t such a nice experience, there are so many more nice ones to come.
Of course mos people have already called that guy a piece of shit, but I will be a bit kind on him.
Why?
What you describe above is far much common than you think. Most guys are really clueless about the female form. He didn’t put in the effort because he was clueless. While it is obvious to you that foreplay is essential, most guys would genuinely wonder why you can’t be wet at the sight of his dick (just like he gets hard at the sight of your pussy). If you were a guy, knowing the importance of foreplay is actually counter-intuitive.
For most guys, foreplay is a learned skill not something obvious.
While he couldn’t figure out that foreplay was missing, to his credit he certainly realized that you were not enjoying the sex (by acknowledging that you were not wet)
But in reality his desires for wetness-to-order was based on simple inexperience, poor technique, or embarrassment about not knowing what to do.
It was never about how your body looked like. You also didn’t help your case by showing him the importance of foreplay.
I know most people here will come for me with pitchforks that some things should be obvious to guys but [here is today’s post](https://old.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/17ow6ja/my_girlfriend_wants_me_to_be_more_manly_in_bed/) I just answered in this sub
Read it, you will see what i mean. This is what the girlfriend of OP in that thread did and OP still couldn’t understand;
> She used her finger to draw a graph metaphorically what sex should be like, and said it should go up and down (like curves) and not a flat line. What does this mean?
I totally relate. Had a similar-ish relationship around the same age as you. Felt like my looks were partially to blame.
TRUST. ME. you WILL find someone who loves your body and you will absolutely have better sex. An experience like that is hard to get past, but you gotta tell yourself you’re hot and get out there. Good sex is so healing tbh, just sometimes takes time to find. You got this ❤️
They way you were treated doesn’t have anything to do with *how you look* and everything to do with *how he sees women.* It woulda been the same no matter your weight, or how big or small your tits or ass are, or your haircut… that guy is just selfish and inconsiderate. Leave him in the past, go forth and do better.
It happens . Being a person who had my fair share of women.. I can say that women are beautiful and gentle creatures and have to be cared for to a certain degree while being intimate. You ex must have watched some porn and thought sex was just about penetration and making loud noises.
Trust me. The more time the man invests in foreplay the better.
You really don’t have to feel this way. Its not your fault. You just gave a selfish, stupid man a chance to prove his manhood.. And he ruined it.
Stay strong dear. You are too young to feel this way. As life goes on, you will find the right person.. And trust me.. You will regret thinking this way.
Maybe the guy is just mentally jacked, and it doesn’t directly have anything to do with you