Divorced women of Reddit, when did you realise your marriage was officially over?

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  1. When “we” were making an effort to fix thing, but he had an active Tinder profile :/

  2. Not mentioning what he did to make me feel the way I did….I realised it was over when I had completely switched off, and whatever he said or did made no difference to how I felt. I knew I wasn’t coming back.

  3. When I realized I was in love with his potential and who he could be. Sadly his actions didn’t follow his words and I couldn’t do it anymore. 14 years we were together.

  4. He used to say “I can’t do this anymore” all the time when things didn’t go his way. One day I told him how awful that made me feel. Lots of backstory and some infidelity but basically, the next time he told me that I told him I couldn’t do it any more either. And that was the beginning of the end. I think we both kind of gave up trying.

    We’re still working through the process.

    It sucks. He’s a wonderful guy in many ways. And a fantastic dad. <insert me choking up here>

  5. A nurse in the hospital said to me, “I think you’re afraid of him. We can ban him from coming to the hospital…” It sounded so nice. I immediately started crying and nodding. She brought me some printed material from the local women’s shelter, and one page was labeled “Abuse Checklist.” There was a short paragraph that I skipped, then a list of ~20 hallmarks of abuse, I got to the end of the list and felt weird because I only found 18 out of 20, so I must not be being abused. Then I went back and read the paragraph I had skipped, and it said, “If any one of these is happening to you, you are being abused.” I knew right then I would never go back home.

  6. I turned him down and he asked me: “What do you even do for me? What do you do for our child?” I listed everything, I don’t even remember his response. I remember the way he asked me, the way he couldn’t see how hard I was working for our family, and it broke me. It’s been over a year and it still makes me so angry. I always felt like no matter what, I wasn’t doing enough.

  7. Whenever he kept finding jobs that required him to be away from the house during the day or for long periods at a time.

    He was active duty military whenever we got married and once he got out he found an overnight job where I didn’t see him, then worked on the railroad where I didn’t see him, did private contracting overseas, and the final straw was getting an overnight road construction job across the country.

  8. When I texted him “I love you.” and he didn’t respond with “Ditto”, which is something we said to each other our entire relationship whenever one of us said I Love You.

    Moving in his new life partner was really the kicker that sealed it though.

    It’s still fresh (only about 6 weeks old for the actual divorce, almost a year for the end of the relationship though) and it’s…weird because he has clearly moved on and I’m still in love with him as much as I ever was.

    I keep hoping, if I’m patient enough, he’ll come to his senses and realize that it’s a huge mistake to throw away an almost 30 year relationship like ours.

  9. My ex husband begged me to stay with him after cheating. I went through some therapy and decided to try to work through it. He told me that if I ever cheated on him he would leave me. I was done as soon as the sentence left his mouth.

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