*Excuse my English, my mother tongue is German*
So my partner (25/f) is very well off and earns 3x as much as me while I’m still a student (22/f) without the financial support of my parents. We booked a trip together and she booked the train *to* the location for 44€ per person and I booked it *back* home for 42€ each. Now she asks me for the 2€ she paid more although I actually spend way more money on this relationship if we talk percentage because I have invited her so many times, more than she did. For example the first month of us dating she often times purposfully left her wallet at home or even when she had it, she never offered to even pay half, so every time we went grocery shopping, I had to pay. Or when we booked trips, she insisted on getting the more fancy AirBnBs instead of the cheaper ones that were more in my budget (we still split it 50/50). Or she was sick last week so I brought her a “sick basket” with tea, medication, fresh fruit, her favorite cake etc. Another time I bought her flowers. Of course those were my choices and I was willing to do that, however that’s why I’m even more annoyed how she asks me to give her 2€ which is nothing for her while I spend everything I have left of my money for this relationship while for her it’s maybe 10% of what she earns.
I feel like what I’m willing to give doesn’t match my partner. I mean I still buy gifts for her even when I have to use my savings for it and I just don’t understand why she is making such a fuss if she doesn’t even need it. I already talked to her about it but on the same day she asked me for the 2€ back. Am I exaggerating?
39 comments
You deserve a partner who cares about you more than 2€
I think when people get fixated on the smallest amounts of money they aren’t focusing on the relationship or the person. Whilst some people are very money oriented they generally are only compatible with other very money focused people.
That is how rich people get and stay rich 😂
Don’t be together with a moocher and a penny pincher. You made a better deal and she is punishing you for it. That’s totally uncalled for. The forgetting my wallet trick would happen exactly once with me. Don’t let people walk all over you. She can’t be that pretty.
IMO no relationship is going to work when one or both people have a “you owe me” attitude. I would chalk this up to being incompatible with finances and end it. I don’t see this going anywhere good. One of you will end up resenting the other due to money and that’s just toxic.
When you go to AirBnBs, and she chooses more expensive places it’s up to you to say, No, I can’t afford places that expensive. As for the 2Euros she wants back, give it to her, and tell her the relationship is over. She’s clearly tight with HER money, and that isn’t going to change
Ah ne. So krass auf das Geld achten in Beziehungen finde ich schlimm.
Mein Freund und ich wissen gar nicht, wer am meisten Geld von uns ausgegeben hat und das interessiert auch nicht. Mal bezahl ich, mal er mal beide. Bin aktuell mit dem Geld besser dran als er, weshalb ich auch öfter mal was übernehme bzw bezahle ich wenn ich essen gehen will und es nicht geplant war. Dann lad ich ihn ein, damit wir was gemeinsam machen ohne dass er dafür 2 wochen lang nur trockenes Brot essen kann.
You deserve better.
You are more worth than a fight about 2€
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Okay, so your partner is definitely much tighter with money. But i also want to say— don’t take money out of savings for gifts!! Make sure you know your own budget and financial goals. And don’t spend your money on girls if you don’t have a plan for you. (Love, an older woman who has been there)
So bleiben Leute reich, I guess. Hast du mal mit ihr darüber gesprochen? Vielleicht sieht sie das selbst garnicht. Aber ganz ehrlich, ich würde mir die Beziehung überdenken wenn mein Partner wegen 2€ Stress schieben würde.
Sorry your partner sounds super cheap & inconsiderate especially considering the huge pay disparity & youre a student. Asking back for €2 is such a turn-off & little embarrassing on her pay. Decide if you want to stay with such a cheap person.
Es zeigt dir auf wie deine Beziehung weitergehen wird.
Ich weiss das reiche Menschen oft extrem aufs Geld achten auch weil sie so erzogen wurden. Aber das ändert sich wenn nur sehr sehr schwer. Also wird sie es nicht als schlecht empfinden und schnell denken du willst nur ihr Geld.
Falls du bezahlst dann bitte mathematisch und buchhalterisch korrekt nur 1 €. (Ihr habt für beide Reisen zusammen 86€ bezahlt, 50% wären 43€ somit hat sie 1!€ mehr bezahlt.
Sag offen dass du von ihrem Handeln verletzt bist und dass du das schwierig findest und falls du weiter mit ihr zusammen bleiben möchtest müsst ihr fairnesshalber immer 50% abrechnen, sprich solange ein Date nicht als Geschenk/Eingeladen deklariert wird wird alles Ende Date genau abgerechnet (aber so wie oben erklärt nicht ihre Rechnung dass du ihr alle Ersparnisse geben musst)
Das ist sicherlich nicht sehr romantisch aber fair für beide Seiten und sie möchte es ja so plus du kannst sicherlich nicht als Golddigger bezeichnet werden.
Und falls ihr zusammenbleibt geh nie über dein Budget um „mitzuhalten“ da kommt nichts gutes dabei raus. Da kannst du offen kommunizieren dass du dir das grad nicht leisten kannst aber sie gerne kann, das ist völlig ok und besser als Schulden für Ausflüge.
You’re not compatible. Please find someone who loves and respects you.
Make sure you ask her to bring back the flowers and the sick basket and only then you give her €2
You guys may not compatible and she may not be a good partner…
Your partner seems to be the type to ‘count beer’ and the type who’s inconsiderate, ungenerous and possibly self-absorbed.
You should date someone who’s not like that, to say it plainly.
Give her her money and break up. This is not a partnership, like a good healthy relationship should be.
Tot up what she cost you when she left her wallet behind and say you’ll take the 2 euro off that.
Then request your reimbursement. Don’t include the flowers or sick basket as those were gifts
A lack of generosity is so off-putting and unattractive. Germans are generally known for being pragmatic and frugal (and there’s the famous Swabian housewife cliche that goes along with it. Then again, you have to think, is this type of frugality a value you respect? Wanting 2 euros back and making a big deal out of it seems like stinginess and selfishness. Usually those who are stingy with money are stingy in other aspects of their relationships with others: tit-for-tat mentality, an unwillingness to help others, mental rigidity, and generally a less open-hearted person. But it’s not always like that. Can you tell us whether the tingingess seems to radiate to other aspects in the relationship?
By the way, that she asked you to give her the 2 euros back after you had a conversation about it shows that she’s either extremely judgmental, self-righteous, and wants to WIN at your expense (Besserwisser and a tit-for-tat mentality) or emotionally unintelligent.
There are plenty of fish in the sea.
Why is she not your ex yet? You put much more effort in this relationship than she does. Who cares about 2€. BTW train prices vary. She has no right to asked for it back. What if you paid more? Would you ask for it and would she pay it? Probably not. I guarantee you she’d say it’s not my fault you booked it for the higher price. Move on and invest your love for someone who loves you the same. You deserve that
Honestly if at the beginning I was the only one paying for everything I would have dumped her immediately.
Some people care about budgeting to the last euro. Her vision is that everything should be paid 50/50 and not depending on how much each of you earn. I personally agree with her view, as long as there are no children involved. You can talk about it with her obviously, but it may be a difference you are not gonna be able to agree with. Then it’s up to you to stay or go.
That’s just petty of her. She clearly doesn’t see things as a partnership. You’re not exaggerating and you should wonder how committed she is in the relationship and whether you have similar views.
This is not an emotionally healthy, adult relationship
NTA. But what bugs me the most is that if she were smart, she’d know she should have asked you for 1€ not 2 (44+42/2=43)
Women am I right
How long you been together?……..sounds like too long
OP this is a huge red flag. See it for what it is. people who obsess over tiny things like that and don’t show any generosity, care and love are very miserable people to be with.
You are ripping a leg out for her, you ruin your savings, and she can’t even let go of 2 €. You and the time with you isn’t even worth paying 2 € more. And how come you have to pay 44 while she then only paid 42? Wouldn’t it be more fair to split the 2€? This shows more that actually, you’re the one who has to carry more weight when she can get away with it.
Also, some people are overly fixated on doing everything so “equal” to the point they are unwilling to ever invest even a tiny bit. They don’t pick up any slack, they don’t ever just do something because it has to be done. Those are the people who argue over vacuuming the living-room because they had to work 1 hour more this week but you broke your leg and it’s not fair that you did less.
See it as the red flag that it is. She doesn’t value you. She’s not willing to give you more than what she absolutely can get away with.
I’ve been with people like this. Didn’t think much of it at first. But more and more it was very clear that the only person they truly value are themselves. They are more invested in getting the absolute most out of everything, and they absolutely have to fight tooth and nails for justice, even when it’s just 1 €.
Doesn’t sound fun at all. You didn’t even borrow money, you just booked at a lower price.
Maybe he’s cheap or you are just entitled and don’t respect them. Only you will really know the truth.
Her attitude about money whether it is yours or hers is fixed in place and is a life long attitude. Either you learn how to navigate with it or around it. She will not change.
Arguing over 2EURS is insane. Leave her she earns x3 of what you get since you’re a student yet you’re always paying ? Sounds like she’s just using you honestly
Relationships are 50/50
That makes no sense though if she wants to be equal. You’re supposed to only give her back 1 Euro so you both end up spending 43 Euros.
She’s using you.
Stop getting her extra things.
You aren’t exaggerating. Its kind of ridiculous she is making a fuss over 2 euros.
If she does this for other things too, then she is being ungrateful in my opinion. Since you are willing to pay equal if not more when she makes more than you. Especially if she is aware of the financial difference.
If anything you should ask her for 2 euros for making you pay 2 euros more to the destination lol.
Personally I would copy the behavior back so she can see how ridiculous that is. Petty? Maybe? Effective? Probably.
Either way I hope that idea of hers doesn’t stick around, otherwise I am not sure where your financial situation will go in the future.
I’ll suggest you give her her 2€ back. After all it’s hers.
Moving on do things for the relationship without the hope of it being reciprocated. When you go out together take money for just yourself. She’s got to realize the hard way. all the while talking to her that acting selfish might jeopardize the relationship.
There’s cheap and there’s broke. Then there’s broke for a good reason, because you are a student. Honey, you are broke for a good reason and your gf is cheap. I personally can’t stand cheap people, especially toward loved ones. This is not your forever partner.
I’m sorry, but this is just childish and petty. It’s fuckin 2€. Give her the money and grow up. You obviously have a problem with her earning more money, and you need to address that, seriously.
My boyfriend earns more than me and comes from a wealthy family. My family is working class, and I’ve worked hard to get where I am. We pay for everything equally. I’ve never once said, ‘Well, he earns more, so he should pay for more’.
I don’t think you’re mature enough to be in a serious relationship. You need to grow up and get over yourself.
Give her the 2bucks and split.
My ExNarc did this. Was always telling me he was broke. I paid for all our groceries, fixes/improvements on the house, everything for the kids, any outtings/trips, anything extra, bought him a Jeep, a truck, paid for his taxes he didn’t save for…etc. All while I was barely scraping by, myself. The only thing he covered (and would guilt me about) was rent, which I later found out was NOTHING, because his family practically gave him the house. Only to find out later in custody court that the whole time he was making AT LEAST 5x as much as I was every month the entire time we were together🫠 GTFO of there.