I almost dont care anymore. I work at a bar and i barely meet anyone new, and im too old to be dealing with doing that with customers/regulars now, all of them are young and i can barely hold a conversation with them. About to start using dating apps but from what i hear its also a nightmare. I know i can if i put in the effort but i just havent cared for some reason, wondering if this is normal at a certain age.
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I only put the right amount of effort in person, I don’t use dating apps.
By right amount of effort, I show my intentions early, very clearly and I don’t chase.
Pretty much stopped caring. I don’t do hookups so it’s not really worth it. I have a couple FWBs but nothing serious or consistent.
Do you want to get laid or have a relationship? Those are two different objectives when being on a dating app. Which ever you choose, just be very clear and direct about your intentions.
People biggest gripes with dating apps is the bait and switch, and inconsistent behavior. So date responsibly.
Well, I’m married, so the obligatory “not as much as I should.”
Zero. Making the effort to try is a waste of time I’d rather spend on doing things I can actually succeed at.
Edited because my original comment was written anyagonistically and braggy.
never struggled but im also not going out and pulling women left and right… feel like I’ve have above average success for how I look (I don’t like the “oh woe is me posts” so don’t want to give off like I’m rich famous or good looking). I have very good communication in person and finding out I’m a little more extroverted than introverted like I thought my whole life. Also I’m in the best shape of my life and maybe its going to head and I’m naturally more confident…
Put a lot of effort into staying present when i talk to people, especially women im attracted to try to never be a deer in the headlights while also not being horny slob. I’ve learned to read the room, sometime 2 years ago it clicked.
Tldr –
When it comes to effort to get laid – hardly any.
In the courtship part if I’m interested – a ton.
Not much.
I should probably put more effort into learning how to fly like a bird. That’s more likely to happen.
“Dating apps are a nightmare” really depends on the person, and getting laid should be pretty easy if you put in the right effort, not endless effort.
Rules 1 and 2 always apply, and effort into your profile is important. I think most men avoid it because they don’t want to appear to be ‘trying’. Good pics, clever and changing bios to see what works. (I think my most successful was “I probably swiped left”)
People don’t like to hear this, but the apps are now designed to be paid for. There are stats/analytics on how women behave in those apps and paying for it puts your profile in a position to succeed. E.g. they are most likely to swipe right right when they open the app, then all the men turn into a blur, unless rule 1/2 apply.
Take a couple of hours and put time into researching how to set up a good profile, randomly take time to get good pics when you’re doing something fun and new (hiking, sports, behind the bar, with friends). I used to actively say “I need you to take a pic of me doing this for my tinder profile” my friends and fam found it hilarious. It’s ridiculous and fun and dating should be exactly that.
The negative ones are just miserable
Low effort, great return
You know the key to a long happy life is fulfilling relationships? According to the longest running study on happiness.
If you work out and try to eat healthy, you should also make seeking a loving relationship a priority.
It’s not about temporary stuff like ‘getting laid’.
Put serious thought and effort into being the right person for someone.
You will reap benefits for a lifetime. Literally
Not at all. Sex is for the young and beautiful.
It probably reads like some incel whine, but whatever. In reality it’s kinda nice to be ugly and old. No pressure to do anything, hah!
When I was single I would put a lot of effort into finding a relationship. But I’ve never been the type to pursue mindless hookups. It’s too much work for what is usually bad and awkward sex.
Not too much to be seen needy.
Been with my girl for 8 years, all I gotta do is ask lol
None. I live life and let the pussy come to me
Not much, all my effort goes into just trying to get a date. Can’t get promoted til after the interview
I’ve been with my wife now for about 8 years, am 40 now, but before that? Insatiable. Pretty much all my free time was invested in dating, hooking up, etc. Only ever really used dating apps to connect. But it was essentially a primary hobby.
I still put some effort, not as much as 5 years ago. My goal now is to find a good relationship. I simple don’t have the energy to chase several hook ups. I did that on the past and it was very fun and gave me lots of confidence. However the energy you require to do that is extreme. I had to go several weeks with porn and masturbation to have that raw energy to chase women. I loved the game but oh boy, it’s though.
I had to stop because of covid and just after the pandemic was over I entered in a relationship and now single again.
I used to love the going out with the single purpose of meeting women, I loved it. Nowadays I just wish had a girlfriend and stay at home drink some wine and watch a movie. I simple don’t have the energy.
However I’m determined to get a good relationship, I think it’s worth it. Living without women is a little depressing to be honest.
Zero. Literally. The juice isn’t worth the squeeze.
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None at all. No point playing a game you’re never going to win.
The more I tried, the less return I got. Trying to manufacture sexual opportunity from nothing out in the wild with no shared context is difficult.
I’ve been with my wife for 15 years now, but before that, and including where I met my wife, my sexual opportunities have stemmed from shared experiences — college (and within that studying abroad, a couple of clubs/activities), grad school, other specific interest/activity groups. Chemistry was relatively easy in these self selected groups sharing an experience.
I did a study abroad in Asia, and there were definitely guys who signed up so they could hump their way through the country. As a percentage, though, the ones who participated in the program in good educational faith had way more sex within the group than those guys had with the locals. I think the shared values, shared backgrounds, and consistency of purpose just made it naturally happen.
Absolutely 0.
It means next to nothing at this point, unless I’m randomly worked up, then for about 10 minutes it’s the only thing in the world that matters to me.
Though I’ve been in some long term relationships most of my life, so it’s kind of always been on the table. Also probably just a circumstance of working myself to the bone for 15 years.
Not as much as I should. I don’t care anymore.
When I was younger, I cared about having as much sex as possible. Now I’m on that Kendrick Lamar tip,
“This. Dick. Ain’t. Free.”
I care more so now if they even deserve my time. If they are even worth the effort.
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When I was single, none really. I didn’t really enjoy casual hookups so I just kinda took them when the situation presented itself, but never put any effort into going out to find one.
Zero lately
Honestly, not much anymore and I don’t really have much trouble with it. Idk maybe I’ve mellowed and it’s more endearing but when I was in my 20s all I thought about was getting laid and I rarely did.