So my GF and I both 27 have been dating for about 5 months now and we haven’t had sex yet. Part of this is on me, this is my first relationship and I’m finding it hard to find the right time to initiate it but at the same time a couple times when I have she says no. We have been intimate before, just nothing penittative. Idk how to bring this up to her without it sounding like I just want sex and I feel like if I do bring it up it would just taint our first time. I’m not sure how I should go about this so any advice is greatly appreciated
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Directly, it’s normal and healthy to want to have sex with your partner.
Honestly man if your both 27 she doesn’t wanna have sex after 5 months…your probably gonna have a dead bedroom in your future.
Give her my number
Have you had the discussion about her views on sex?
Don’t have the discussion while you’re being intimate. Bring it up sitting at the table or something.
She may be incredibly insecure about something or possibly still a virgin and very nervous for her first time. The only way to know is to sit down and calmy and gently ask what’s going on, be reassuring and listen to what she says, and to not judge her responses but instead try to see what you can do to help.
Then once the gates open, you may have created a monster and will post an update asking how to tell her that 3 times a day is too much. 😁
You should talk to her before any major decision that people are saying here
It’s been five months and you are both 27. Either she’s religious and you need to put a ring on it, or there are underlying issues with one or both of you. I’d be very concerned about the long-term potential of this relationship if you aren’t able to talk about this at least. If you can’t say “I want to sex and am wondering why you don’t want to” at five months, then what happens when you need to have actually serious conversations?
You need to learn about her. Is she a virgin? Has she had trauma? Is she a sex after marriage person? Like someone else said, this discussion should be had away from romance or sexy time. Sitting at the table. Maybe after a getting to know you game.
> We have been intimate before
How many times? How far did it go? All the stuff before and tangent to sex is fantastic and is just as, if not more important to a relationship.
It’s either an intimacy problem or a communication one. Next time you’re making out, ramp things up and make it clear you want her. If she shuts it down, time to talk.
Easy: drop her.
Run man
If you’re not comfortable having a discussion about starting to have sex, then your relationship probably isn’t ready for the discussions that might be necessary AFTER having sex
Being able to talk comfortably about your sex life with your partner is a useful skill. It takes some practice, and it may go awry while you’re learning. That’s okay.
Also, I recommend reading “Come as you are” by Emily Nagoski.
I don’t wanna rush you or anything but there are things in sex that you can only experience when you’re in your 20s, I would say the last you need right now is wasting your time in a dead relationship
Create an in your home date. Dinner, movie, sex. Tell her to bring some things to spend the night. Confidence.
Just bring I up when you’re chilling on the couch or in the car together. Something like, “Hey! So I really love you, and I love being with you. I also have really enjoyed the moments when we are intimate together. Someday when we’re both ready, I would love to have safe, consensual, penetrative sex. I’ve never done it before, so I’m really nervous. I’m guessing you’re nervous too.”
There doesn’t have to be a specific question. Just bring up the topic, and be SUPER clear that you want to respect her body, and you only ever want to have sex when you BOTH want it and both legitimately consent to it.
Another good thing to say is “we can stop at any time. Not questions asked, and no judgement.” Then you have to actually do that. You can’t be upset if she calls it quits 2 seconds in. Just go wank it off by yourself, lol.
Another suggestion is to set a timer. When my wife and I are trying something new in bed, we will sometimes set a 5 minute timer, (or even 2-3 sometimes) and then when the timer goes off, we stop and discuss our feelings. No matter what. If we both want to, we can set another timer, or just keep going, or stop all together. And all of those options are okay and allowed.
This can create a safe way to try something without fear.
Again, just talk about it. Talk about it in a safe setting, maybe even in the car while you’re driving, then there’s essentially zero chance of actual intimacy. So it can be easier to have these conversations in the car, imo.
Just talk to her, dude. If you can’t have a discussion about sex, then you shouldn’t be having it.
Hey honey, I’m going to find a new girlfriend
The only situation where this is acceptable is if she is virgin with a strong religious background. This perhaps I can understand.
However, it seems it’s not the case. In one of OP comments he says she had past flings and they left her and she felt used.
And now he has to wait??? Picture this, other guys had their way with her and now the OP is waiting for 5 months.
It’s not just about sex! Any men with some experience knows that when women has sex with a men she is the most vulnerable, she’s opening herself she’s saying you’re the best. For women, sex is validation of love. For men, love is validation of sex. Put it simple OP, she does not love you. You want to be with a woman who does not love you?
Have you tried hinting towards it with light humor? I think that’s what I would be doing before I have a “direct serious conversation” like other people are mentioning
At this point you should be comfortable breaking the physical barrier somewhat I assume? Just ramp it up a little bit with the playful touching as well
Just make sure your being respectful to her as a woman and a partner at all times with my recommended approach, keep it fun and playful
Some people simply aren’t very sexual and that’s okay too, you can still have a fulfilling life partnership without sex
At 5 months, it’s okay to *”sound like you want sex”*.
I would have left after the 1st month. It be awkward to even talk about it even after 5 months. Seems like theres lack of sex appeal.
Ask her when the last time’s she’s had sex. And if it’s been awhile then ask her why. If she can’t give you a clear answer, then you are being used. Move on.
“When’s a good time to have a talk about sex?”
>without it sounding like I just want sex
I’m dealing with this too. And by “dealing with,” I mean that I’m slowly learning to embrace that it’s okay to just want sex, full stop. It’s a biological need that also feels good, like eating delicious food or taking a relaxing hot bath.
“I like you a lot and find you incredibly sexy. Is sex in our future? Do you have any thoughts on the matter?”
Women mostly like for men to take charge with initiating sex, but also like to feel seen and heard and validated. You might be surprised how far simply being direct could swing the door open.
Personally speaking, I’d be a little unsure about pursuing a future with someone who can go months without sex. That doesn’t sound like very much fun.