My husband and I have been together for 6 years married for 3. We have a 14 year age gap but I make almost as much money as he does: we both work and took off for vacation
He has a friend he likes that has four kids. He told me we’d be in the same hotel. We paid for our own room. That was fine with me! We might meet up and do things together occasionally but i’d have a romantic get away with my husband.
Well nope! At the last minute his friend tells my husband he has to go home to work and saddles us with his wife and four kids between the ages of 2-18. Wonder why he never mentioned this before!!!
I feel bad for the kids bc it’s not their fault but the entire family is treating my husband like their father, including the wife who can’t even drive. Every one thinks those are my husbands wife and kids. I’m just an au pair basically. They boss him around. The 12 year old is making plans. No one gives a shit about what I want. The baby was tired so we had to leave where we were. The 6 year old wants to sleep in the stroller (she’s way too big) and my husband pushes her.
My husband told me to make the best of things and stop being so negative. He’s not even that upset we were completely taken advantage of and expected to entertain his friends family for a week. The kids will not leave me alone and it’s giving me panic attacks with the screaming whining and jumping off things.
My husband wants kids but honestly this put me off. They aren’t even mine and I am having a mental breakdown
I am starting to feel restless in my marriage and spark is fading. I’m highly stressed and annoyed bc of the kids and my vacation is ruined.
Idk I just came here to vent. I don’t really know if any action will come of this.
25 comments
Id be upset as well, I (45f) know very well how exhausting my kids can be during vacation, I can only imagine how exhausting other peoples kids can be, my advice is, TALK to your husband, tell him that this is tfuly bothering you and its affecting your marriage, see how he reacts, imho, doing a favor to a friend isnt a reason to consider leaving a marriage but him not listening to your concerns definitely is
I have kids and travel with friends all the time but I would *NEVER* take off and expect my friends to entertain my spouse and/or kids. If I have to leave, *we all leave*. How incredibly inconsiderate of his ‘friend’.
TBH, if I were you and he’s so gung ho about it, then he can take care of them while you enjoy your vacay. Kids come around screaming at you, redirect them to your husband. Wife needs something? she can ask your husband. If you don’t want to go to their outings, then he can take them and you sit by the pool and have a margarita.
then when you both get home, have a talk with him because that effectively ruined your vacation and next time, I wouldn’t go with that friend anymore.
Your husband got played. Even his own friend would rather work than to be bothered with his own wife and kids!
That was shitty of his so called friend to do by the way. I would’ve said nope!
Mom and the 18 year old can certainly handle doing things on their own. Your husband seems to have volunteered to be the leader the way I read this. I’m sure the family would understand if you said you wanted to do some things on your own for some of the days. I think after you get home, give it a rest for a few weeks, and then have a serious discussion. You bring up several issues here. Being upset that you shared your vacation t time. You probably want to discuss never doing that again. But then you also mention you may not want to have kids and you’re feeling shaky in your marriage. I’m sure those feelings existed prior to this vacation. Right?
It’s just as much your time and your vacation as theirs.
The people saying husband is just trying to be nice are blowing my mind. I would be LIVID if I were you, OP. It sucks for this family that their dad took off and apparently mom is incapable of handling things, but that is not your husband’s problem!! If mom couldn’t handle it, she and the kids should have gone home with dad. If they didn’t want to do that it’s time to step it up or hire some local help for a few days. If she can’t drive, she can get a taxi or Uber. Plus her oldest is 18…she has help. As a mother who has handled 3 kids on my own in a foreign country for vacation (it is possible to do!), it blows my mind that they expect you guys to forfeit your vacation for them. Your husband has a duty to you, not this family. He needs to enforce some boundaries here and you have every right to wish them well and go off and enjoy your hard-earned vacation.
Yeah I would have been taking all my stuff and solo vacationing elsewhere away from all that. I don’t even like kids and to have to be around someone else’s kids on a vacation sounds like a nightmare. I would be getting a separate hotel room in a completely different hotel. F that shit. If my husband ever did this, I would be furious.
Take the mother aside and tell her what you’re feeling about missing out on romantic alone time. I’ll bet she is equally embarrassed.
Otherwise, do your own thing. Tell husband that if he wants to play husband for the other family that you’re going to go out clubbing at night, without him.
Based on his response, I’d be absolutely livid. If possible I would talk to the hotel staff to get another room just for myself. I’d then just do a solo vacation and avoid that entire mess. This vacation can still be saved but it’s going to take a massive pair for OP to make it happen and remove her guilt from the process. He and his friend did her wrong.
I’m a sass and I would probably verbally make sure that everyone knew why I did what I did as I packed my bags and make them as uncomfortably aware as possible.
Full grown adults on a vacation being bossed around by other peoples children. Huh? People will do what you let them. This is on your husband and you. Tell him off or go home. Or do both.
Any chance he has a crush on his friend’s wife?
I wouldn’t stay for this. It’s absurd. If the other wife couldn’t deal with her own kids, she should go home.
Take his advice. Do your own thing on the vacation. Leave him to parent someone else’s children if it doesn’t bother him.
Did your husband know the wife and kids previously – this is weird as anything – if wife doesn’t drive they must deal with that normally so use other forms of transport, I’d be furious if I was the wife and kids that have been set up with a mate of dads who comes every where on our holiday, this is so weird – and yea op can you upgrade you holiday to different hotel or city and leave him to prioritising them ?
Honestly, if he won’t listen to you, I would take the car and book a room at a different hotel and let them play family without me and without the car.
Hold on, you both planned a trip to be spent together and then all of a sudden a switch happens and you have to be babysitter for your entire vacation? AND THEN your husband has the audacity to say “you’re lucky to be on such a beautiful vacation.” WHAT VACATION? You are supposed to be taking time off in a beautiful place and relaxing. WHICH YOU ARE NOT DOING!
I would seriously be wondering if this was all planned because his buddy is sleeping around and wanted a week with his mistress. Hence why your husband is okay with it because this was all planned for his buddy to go screw someone else. There are so many red flags but honestly, your husband has disrespected you and your time. I wouldn’t take that lightly.
Your husband is prioritizing the other wife and her kids over you. No matter how “nice” he is being to her, he is not being nice to you. Your husband seems to be a people pleaser and doesn’t have boundaries. That’s a bad situation.
“I am starting to feel restless in my marriage and spark is fading.”
After one shitty week? Y’all got bigger problems than your vacation.
I’m wondering if your husband knew that the friend would be leaving early?? He sounds way too comfortable about it🤷♀️
Ditch him & have a mini solo vacation where you go on your outing.
But don’t think it will make a difference to him. He seems very happy with this weird setup.
I’d be mad as hell. Good for you realizing your husband is the problem. Working through this in marriage counseling is a great idea as is putting kids on the back burner.
I have a kid and won’t deal with other people’s kids on vacay ever again. I definitely made that mistake once and never again!
I’d also want a do-over romantic vacay and a promise to never have to interact with that family again.
His friend knew the chaos that was coming and fled. Did he really have work or a girlfriend to see? You should have found another hotel and moved there alone to enjoy your time. Husband can then play daddy, because that’s exactly what he’s doing!
I can tell you right now if I am on vacation with my wife there is no way in HELL I am raising someone else’s kids.. FUCK THAT NOISE.
Your husband is so far in the wrong here that it’s disturbing.
4 kids dumped on you . What the hell.
His friend got away with murder
Sounds like a rom-com plot. Vince Vaughn pushes the stroller.
OP, have you ever met this “friend” in person?