some trust issues in the bedroom?
Hey r/sex community,
I’m (f) in a great relationship with my 25-year-old male partner, and our intimate life is generally wonderful. However, there’s something that’s been bothering me for a little while. My partner struggles to relax and let go of control, and I’m looking for advice on how to make him more comfortable with it.
He always wants to be in control, which isn’t necessarily an issue because I tend to be more on the submissive side. However, I’d love for him to relax and enjoy the experience as much as I do. I believe his past experiences are affecting this.
He had a difficult childhood where he was neglected by his parents, and he also faced abuse from a babysitter when he was a pre-teen. These traumatic experiences have understandably created trust issues for him, and I want to find ways to help him feel more comfortable and safe when we’re intimate.
Everything’s alright outside of the bedroom. He’s great at communicating his needs and wants but as soon as the topic of sex comes up he gets defensive. He’s saying that he enjoys our sex life a lot but I can tell that he’s always in his mind and overthinks a lot while being intimate.
It’s not that he doesn’t trusts me at all but he just can’t fully relax and give up control – it’s hard to explain.
I would really appreciate any advice or suggestions on how to navigate this situation and help him let go of control and trust me more in the bedroom. Thanks in advance for your help!
1 comment
One way to help people feel safer and more comfortable while you’re doing is to give them compliments – it could be about their physical features, their moans/grunts, their voice in general, their forcefulness and so-on.
Another option is sex-related trust exercises, like him being blindfolded and then lying down in the middle of the bed with legs spread, getting head but not allowed to set the pace at all himself, he just has to relax and let you set that yourself. This *could* include arm and/or leg restraints but starting with a blindfold first may be easier.
Or you could just go overboard with the first option (which isn’t a bad thing when it comes to compliments that can help people orgasm faster)