Exactly what the title says. I’m a musician and relatively new to my city, I’m working at a restaurant on the side while also being in graduate school. Typical shit.
I met a fellow musician at my restaurant job who happens to be 19. I never would have guessed his age, he’s very mature. He initially assumed I was also 19 because I look extremely young (everybody, i mean literally everybody, thinks I’m 16-18) and I assumed he was also early/mid 20s because he doesn’t look that young and is so mature/talented/accomplished/intelligent.
Anyways, we’d previously discussed grabbing some persian food and playing music together at my place some time since I have a lot of instruments. Then I found out how old he is!!!!!
I’m not necessarily planning on messing around with him in a sexual way, but he seems to be interested in that towards me. Because of that, I can’t tell what to do now. Would it be fucked up for me to get dinner with him and jam out together? I don’t want to be a creep. I feel horrible that I’m even asking this.
TL;DR: A 19 year old seems interested in me in an ambiguous way, can I even socialize with him in any way or is that too big of an age gap?
12 comments
I’d say there’s only a problem if you make one. Age is only a number.
However, girls do mature faster than boys, and the age gap matters more the younger you are…
But like I say, what have you got to lose? As long as noone’s calling you a paedo or anything!
You said he was mature and doesn’t look that young. The way you described him makes you seem like you’re smitten with him. Don’t let the age gap stop you. If you like him, you like him. Besides it’s not that bad of an age gap and it will only get better as you guys age.
I mean I don’t know it feels a little icky to me. 19 is REALLY young, and I don’t think you can tell if he’s mature. I have never met a mature 19 year old in my life sooo…. He’d be the first.
You can for sure be friends and like, in a few years the age gap would be totally okay to date imo. But maybe wait until he’s not a literal teen anymore and you have a bit of a better read on how mature he actually is and how different his life is from yours.
I’d say a 5 year difference is still ok for most people. Definitely sounds like a fun fling. Relationship? Who knows? But imo bigger age gap = more issues long term.
It isn’t a problem. I’m friends with a couple of 20(m) and 25(f). They work fine since he is very mature for his age. So if he is mature and on the same level as you are, why not?
Even if you have sex with him, if it feels like you have a bond, what’s the big deal?
Is he in school or is he working already? I think someone going to grad school is in a different life stage from someone who is a freshman in college (not from the US, don’t know what’s the exact age), so yes, I’ll consider it a little iffy.
5 years probably wouldn’t mean much when you’re both in your 30s and open to settling down and having a family. But when you’re an young adult/teen, it hits different.
If you don’t feel comfortable with it, just tell him you’re just looking to be friends.
The problem with a lot of age gap relationships when you’re young isn’t actually the age
It’s the fact that *typically* a 19 year old and 24/25 year old are at very different stages
One may own/rent a house, decent job and money whereas the younger tends to still be in school, maybe still living with their parents which creates a power dynamic, which can then become problematic
It seems your both in school and working the same job so clearly at a similar stage in life despite the age difference, so I wouldn’t see an issue here
However if you have any doubt I’d say it’s not worth the risk, you can’t take it back once somethings happened
Where’s the age gap? You’re 24 and he’s 19.
Only you can decide, i wouldn’t listen to judgmental people on the internet to tell you what you’re doing is ethically right or wrong.
He’s an adult, it’s only a 5-year gap, I doubt there’s any power-imbalance of you trying to take advantage of him. Have fun.
I mean you are probably done of post secondary education and settling into your career while he is still figuring shit out. Huge maturity differences between a 19y to a 24y old.
With that being said who cares what people think.. you are both adults. Fool around and date etc but I would think carefully about anything serious given where you are both at in life.
Just do it.
But don’t be disappointed if you don’t take it further and he does want to go further, so it ruins the friendly dynamic you have.