I spent almost 6 years with a person, we were engaged, we broke up this June. We didn’t break up because he cheated on me (even though he did multiple times), we didn’t break up due to his excessive drug use, drinking, or lying either even though those were all great reasons for me to kick him out.
I left him because in June I fell in love with a coworker who looked at me like I hung the sun and moon. Barely a week after he moved out she moved in. Things have been amazing and disastrous at the same time, I’m freshly 22, she’s 18 and we both have bpd. We are at different stages of our life but also very similar. Comparable childhood trauma, same interests and goals, same beliefs. I know she’s the person I want to bet on a future with, this is the first time I’ve felt alive, the first time I’ve felt like I have a chance at happiness. Most people are willing to condemn me for this relationship, and I’m starting to wonder if they’re right. I worry I’m not healthy for her, or perhaps I am too old. I don’t want to lose the person who has given me back my joy and creativity and made me have faith in the world, but I would if I was truly no good for her. I want to grow old with her, I want to marry her and maybe even have kids one day, which is something I’ve never considered with anyone else.
Tldr: am I a bad person for continuing the relationship and is it ruining someone’s life in the process?
6 comments
I’m 48, my wife is 41. We got together when I was 26 and she was 19. Age is just a number.
She’s 18? You’re just out of a long term relationship? She immediately moved in? You both have BPD? Be careful homie, lol.
The age gap is fine. The other issues and the close last relationship all scream problems. Maybe enjoy it, but keep things light, be healthy and wholesome to each other, and don’t get too hung up too quickly. Take your time.
Just go on and live your life with her.
Life is short, take your opportunity for happiness where you can. Your relationship may or may not work out in the long run. Who knows? Who cares? Just go with it and see where it takes you both.
You are not ruining anyone’s life here.
Getting someone into illegal drugs, crime, abuse, etc would be ruining lives. Getting them to drop out of school, abandon a career, or change life plans against their wishes or best interests is ruining a life.
The age gap is not that big of a deal. You are not that far apart. And you are both adults. You have a little more life experience…..use it responsibly to help your gf and not manipulate. No one should really have an issue on this score.
Age difference really isn’t going to be a factor here. Your BPD will be for sure. Also, age in itself. You’re both still kids. Just because you’re legal doesn’t mean you’ve grown up and matured. You’re going to discover yourself and change in the coming years. Just as you did when you became a teen and into your twenties, so it will be further into your twenties and thirties. Relationships this young aren’t meant to last, and those that do are success stories.
I’m not concerned about the age gap. I’m concerned that you’re both untreated emotional trainwrecks who are going to feed off each other’s damage and spiral into a chaotic hellscape of constant drama.