Hi, this is a serious question and I would appreciate if we could ger any advise. Also, my english isnt the very best, some wordings might sound harsher then it is.
I (m29) recently got married with my wife (w30). She was a Virgin till our 2nd night. Obviously, she was very scared. I know, that the first vagina sex isnr gonna finish for neither or us, so my goal there was just to slowly stimulate and go through the skin, idk how its called in english. She had alot of pain obv. since its the first time. When I saw the blood, I stopped and relaxed her with cuddles and so on. She is worrying so much that she doesnt “fullfil” her “duty” to pleasure me because she is expiriencing too much pain, even cries sometimes because she just cant do it. I try to calm her down, telling her that there is no reason to do it immidiatly or to suffer so much pain to do it. We are together for 14 months now and had some anal here and there but not that much. She can do anal normally tough. We tried during the period of 1.5 weeks about 4 times with the vagina, but we always had to stop, even with lube. I am not rough, I am aware the way she reacts its too much pain. I go in very very slowly, pet and lick before the engagement just to relax it as much as possible. She is very tight as well, and not to brag or anything, my thing is a bit bigger then avarage. She is always complaining to herself, getting sad and angry that she cant do it for no reason. I dont mind if it takes 2 days, 1 weeks or event a month for her to get ready.
My question for the Ladies and Gents in this subreddit, how did you handle it? Is there something we need to be aware of what we are missing or should know?
tldr
My wife (w30) is having a really hard time having sex with the vagina since she was virgin till now and suffers alot of pain. What is the correct approach? Since she really wants it and stresses herself about it.
Thank you for your answers!
3 comments
Let her pick the right position, and communicate the speed she wants you to go, don’t ram the whole thing in at once, inch bit by bit, letting her take more with every thrust.
Make sure you do slow thrusts while you inch in, you want to get to the point where she is begging for you to go deeper and not asking you to stop. Sometimes she won’t be able to fit the whole lot inside of herself and she needs to be able to communicate and find her limits.
The most important part for her is breathing. Tensing up her airways with short shallow breaths is going to make it harder for insertion. She wants long, deep breaths and to just relax mentally and physically.
Something many people don’t consider is the right sex position. When you have a big dick some positions can feel a little uncomfortable and some can dramatically increase her satisfaction levels.
Missionary with her hands wrapped around the base of your cock allows her to be in control of when she has had enough, spooning also feels great and allows you to get deep a lot easier. Another position is when she is on top, leaning forward slightly, it gives her more control and allows her to take length a lot easier. Laying flat on her front also feels good, try to avoid doggy-style and putting her legs around your shoulders in missionary.
If she starts masturbating with dildos (if she doesn’t already), doing it on a more frequent basis will make having sex with a bigger dick easier, it also makes bigger sex better.She is just getting the muscles used to daily insertion and relaxing the Kegels to accommodate the girth daily.
My last favorite option you could try is Orgasm: The more aroused she is the better it will feel, [if she has had an amazing orgasm](https://tpi02.wordpress.com/2022/09/29/female-101/) with lots of rubbing, sucking, and stroking on her clit and some beautiful g-spot stimulation you will find that you just slip in and it feels amazing for both of you.
Have you tried starting with some fingering? Don’t force it to sex yet. Start with a finger. Later 2 fingers. When she is used to that, get her very aroused first. Then with lube try again. This shouldnt be in one night. Over the course of a week or two. Good luck.
At the end of the day, this is simply going to require her to learn to relax and let it happen. She’s too tense and stressed out about it, and that’s causing her to involuntarily squeeze down there. If you two continue to fail at this, she may want to see a gynecologist and/or pelvic floor specialist to rule out a medical problem (such as an *imperforate hymen* or something more serious) or to treat *vaginismus*.