My boyfriend (40M) has 3 kids that the mother has died years ago, way before we met. We have been together for 2 years and a half. His kids are traumatized by the death of their mother, hence how they behave, they don’t have much love to anybody in their family, they act very selfish and it’s hard to connect with them. In 2+ years that we have been together my boyfriend makes me take care of them as if I’m a nanny and not part of the family. He demands that every Saturday I watch them so he can go to work, he has money to pay a nanny and he used to, but after 4 months together he asked me to watch them on a Saturday because the nanny couldn’t come and since then, he has been obligating me to do so. He has a nanny that works full time during the week. But not on Saturdays. If he needs to do something out of her schedule, he has me come to do her job. I do things for them when I’m in the house but I never had experience with kids before and I can’t connect as a mother to them, I do care about them but I don’t love them as a mother would. Because of my age I dream of marrying and having my own kids. Happens that after all these years I have been of good usage to him, he said that he will never marry me because I can’t substitute their mother. I keep watching them and even when he travels I stay with them overnight and do things with them. But now that he has said he has no intentions to be long term with me, I’m feeling weird about this relationship. I feel like he is using me on my 20’s and he will kick me out when I turn 30 with the same excuse that I’m not a mother to his kids. I find it impossible to become one because of their age and mine, they are very mature and they look older than they are, feels like they are 15 years old. He keeps pressuring me and acting cold and weird towards me because of this, I’m having anxiety and stress daily because of this pressure but I love him and I’m also depending financially on him at the moment. I wasn’t depending on him when I started watching them, I did to help him even though he has a very nice job and he is very rich. He has many narcissistic tendencies, his ex wife’s parents claim he is a narcissist. I think I’m a narcissist victim. The way he demands me and feels entitled that I do things for them without any “thank you” feels wrong to me. If I ever had to go out with a friend on a Saturday he would be very mad at me because I’m not there to watch them and he will have to pay the Saturday nanny. I’m tired of the pressure of being their mother when I cannot connect with them, and the feeling is mutual. They are insulting, unbehaved, selfish, cold kids. He won’t let anyone say something about their behavior because he gets defensive. All the nannies that worked for them, hated the job. What should I tell him about this pressure?
24 comments
Dude… you’re right he’s using you and your best years to be a bang maid. DTMFA.
He’s just looking for a free babysitter. You have to decide if you really want this relationship on these terms.
Get un-dependent on him, and then leave on your own accord. He wants a baby sitter.
Move on
Find nice guy who will love and appreciate you . He can search for free babysitting services
Even without the fact that he’s a controlling, possible narcissist, he’s fucking 40. Just no. Break up with this guy, have higher standards, and date someone who’s not old enough to completely manipulate you.
You are wasting your 20’s being the bangmaid of a 40 year old. Leaving is your only option, this isn’t a relationship or partnership.
You ARE the nanny with perks for him. He just wants someone to be there for free. At 25 you are young and easier deceived compared to someone his age who won’t put up with that shit.. and you need to experience life!!! I promise you, if you leave, you will live a happier care free life. You’re too young to be living like this and also he doesn’t treat you right and you don’t deserve that. He also doesn’t want to settle down with you so find someone who does. Leave and block.
He is using you. He demands for you to watch his kids. He won’t marry you because your not a “mother” to them. Listen love, he’s 15 years older than you. Did it ever occur to you that he dates someone so much younger because no women his age would tolerate his bs. This man sounds like a jerk. Dump him, enjoy your freedom before you have your own kids, and find yourself a guy closer to your age who treats you like a GF, not a servant
That 40yo man is using you and your position as a less established 20smth to exploit you for child care. Martial your finances and support network and leave him
If he wanted a mother for his kids maybe he shouldn’t have started dating someone 15 years younger than him.
Don’t waste your best years on this asshole. Get out as soon as you can and find someone you are actually compatible with.
Congratulations on being a free babysitter. The only reason he’s with someone your age is because you’re less likely to say no, and here you are. The world won’t end if you say no even though it seems like it. He’s deliberately got you trapped to rely on him.
You need to leave this user and find someone who wants the same as you, this guy is not it. Start working out how you can stop relying on him for money.
Why do you let yourself be used this way?
🚩 #1: Age gap: He is 40, you are 25.
>my boyfriend makes me take care of them as if I’m a nanny and not part of the family.
🚩#2 – How does he MAKE you take care of them?
>but after 4 months together he asked me to watch them on a Saturday because the nanny couldn’t come and since then, he has been obligating me to do so.
🚩#3 – You had only been together 4 months when this started, how is he OBLIGATING you to do so?
>Because of my age I dream of marrying and having my own kids.
>I keep watching them and even when he travels I stay with them overnight and do things with them. But now that he has said he has no intentions to be long term with me, I’m feeling weird about this relationship.
🚩#4 – why are you wasting time with this man who uses you for free babysitting and has expressed that he has no long term plans with you?
>I feel like he is using me on my 20’s and he will kick me out when I turn 30 with the same excuse that I’m not a mother to his kids.
🚩#5 – yes, he is using you. But why are you waiting around, doing all of this for him, waiting and hoping he will choose you to marry? Get the hell out! What could you possibly be getting out of this relationship?
>but I love him and I’m also depending financially on him at the moment.
🚩#6 – Get independent from him. Go home to your parents or stay with a friend. Why do you insist that you love him? What is there to love?
>he has a very nice job and he is very rich. He has many narcissistic tendencies, his ex wife’s parents claim he is a narcissist. I think I’m a narcissist victim.
🚩#7 – maybe he has money, but honey, trust me, its not worth the price you are paying. Stop squandering your youth on this piece of garbage man. Talk to his ex wife. Dont relive her fate.
Ok, im officially stopping my count, but im sure there are at least another 30 red flags. If you are chasing him because you think he is your sugar daddy, then you are fated for an unhappy future. Stop trying to reason with him or get him to love you. Just leave. Dont look back.
Girl, go find a job and GTFO. Your boyfriend doesn’t give a fuck about you.
WHY ARE YOU STILL THERE? Have some respect for yourself, your BF has none for you. You deserve better.
This is a joke post right? He’s nearly old enough to be *your* dad, he’s obviously not some catch.
Honey, wake up.
There’s a REASON he went looking for someone 15 years younger. He doesn’t treat you like part of the family because you’re NOT. Not to him. To him, you’re the help he fucks sometimes. Yes, that’s blunt, but if you stop and really think about it, deep down, you know that’s true. EMPLOYERS demand that you work every Saturday. BOYFRIENDS plan dates and activities that everyone can enjoy.
Pre-empt his plan to kick you out at 30 and leave before you turn 26.
I believe you can work on campus with a student visa. Check with the campus student service department
You are his bang maid. End of story. The only reason he is with you is no one near his own age would put up with this shit.
You know you need to leave, don’t you?
Under no circumstances are you obligated to watch his kids on the weekend while he goes to work. He has told you and showed you who he is he is not going to marry you because you are not the mother to his children. I also think that you are absolutely right when you said that he is sucking the life out of your twenties he lived his twenties why are you not living yours. Three children and a 40-year-old boyfriend at the age of 25 and you’ve been dating him for two years. Girl if you don’t pack your s*** up and get the hell away from him and his kids and start living your f****** life without him. He wants some in-house vagina and somebody to look out for his kids when he’s at work. He’s not going to marry you once you hit 26 you’ll be too old for him go live your life
A 38 year old widow got together with a 23 year old woman because she was easy to manipulate into being a free nanny for his children. He doesn’t respect you. You are just a bangmaid nanny. Dump the abuser, get a job and go be a 25 year old. And stop dating older men who want to use you.
He has all but written you an invitation to leave. Why are you with this guy who treats you like an unpaid servant and nanny? Do you really envision long term with this man? You deserve way better than this.
Ffs, get a job and get out of that situation. He might be rich but it’s not your money. Stop being dependent on him. Get out of there girl !
If he really wanted a mother he would’ve dated someone who already knows how to be a mom, someone with kids of her own. He just wants unpaid female labor.