Me (26 F) and my husband (28 M) have been married for less than a year, we got married fairly quickly (6 months into relationship) and moved to another state. He started to change once we moved. He stopped being affectionate, considerate and even stopped being intimate with me. He got a new job that tbh is very stressful and high paced but his behavior got worse. For a month or so he started treating me very badly and when he saw me hurt and crying wouldn’t care or call me exhausting, he also started going out and coming home at 6 am without telling me where he was or anything. He started saying he wanted his freedom back and that I was controlling but in my perspective marriage is another level of compromise, not that you can’t go out and party or anything but you do have someone waiting for you at home and I think they at least deserve to know where you are. Fast forward to last night, he said he hated me because he got annoyed with everything I did and didn’t do and that marriage wasn’t fun or joyful anymore. I’m heartbroken I’ve cried so much during this marriage and I honestly don’t think I deserve it but I also don’t know how to leave. I’m still hopeful as sad as that sounds. I am lost and alone since my family lives in another country.
Is there anything I can do to save my marriage?
I’ve asked him multiple times is he is cheating and he says he isn’t.
27 comments
File a divorce as soon as possible and get back to your family. When you date again make sure you know that person well before getting engaged and married. Best of luck.
This is not going to get better. Sit down and figure out a plan for the next part of your life, then do it. Or be miserable and hope that somehow things will change without you having to do anything.
Just kick him out or leave. Why would you want to be with this jerk? He’s not nice, he’s not mature and god knows what he is up to when he is out,
The sooner you end this, the easier it will be.
You’re 26 yo. You are an adult. Go be an adult.
He moved to a new city , new girls new places to go etc . Thought marriage was old Disney movie ( not new crap) and doesn’t want to put in work . He is probably going out with single guys and figures get out now ( annulment)!so basically no support .
Go see a lawyers asap and get a consultation ! So younare prepares . Could hire someone to follow but very expensive ,
Based on how he’s been treating you with apathy and disdain and immaturity, I’d be jumping for joy to divorce. Don’t waste more years with this guy.
Also lesson learned – don’t marry someone that fast 🧠
Just to be clear the facts of your situation are:
* Your partner isn’t affectionate with you.
* Your partner isn’t intimate with you.
* He treats you poorly.
* He doesn’t care about your pain and is ambivalent about your crying.
* ***HE TOLD YOU HE HATED TO YOU YOUR FACE***.
Sis, you have been in this relationship for less than 2 years total, why do you even want to try to save this other than the stigma of getting a divorce?
Your husband is abusive and neglectful and you want to try and save it so what, you can continue being abused and neglected?
My advice is if you have family that loves you and care about you and would be willing to help you, call them and tell them what is happening and ask if you can stay with them for a while until you can get back on your feet and get a divorce.
Then pack your shit and leave this man. Take everything you value with you because his kind of unstable he will 100% destroy anything you leave behind.
Why? Why would you want to save the marriage when he has broken it? Honestly, instead of being man enough to absolve the marriage that he feels was a mistake he is acting a fool and being a shit to you so when you can’t take anymore and say it’s over he can do his mental gymnastics to say “‘it’s her fault.’ Whatev’s…..give him that.
Get evidence of his horrid behavior while you lawyer up. Lose the heavy emotional weight from that man-child and live well whether you make a go of that where you are now or maybe back to family for a bit to reevaluate your desires/dreams.
To save a marriage, you need two people willing to work for it. Your husband told you he doesn’t care anymore, so there’s no fixing this.
Get a lawyer, file for divorce, take time to heal, and then go find a guy who at least cares about you.
You can only save a marriage, make it fun, or work on it if that’s what you both want. He made very clear he doesn’t want to. If you want to make sure you tried everything ask him if he is open for counseling. If the answer is no, then you know you are ik this marriage alone and there is nothing you can do about it. Get a divorce and get to know your next partner and their view on what marriage mean before you get married again. Best of luck.
Cut your losses, divorce him, and move back to the city you came from. You ever hear of the saying “Marry in haste, repent at leisure?” That’s what you’ve got going here.
You may be married to the guy but you have not wasted that much of your life on him.
I don’t understand this whole “not knowing how to leave” business. You make a plan and then you execute it. If you are in the US, call [The Hotline](https://www.thehotline.org) and ask for help. Help is out there.
OP, you have not invested too much time into this man. I have had non-marriage relationships last longer than you’ve known your husband.
What are you getting out of this marriage? Nothing. Leave him. Better to be divorced and moving on than stuck in a one-sided marriage.
Don’t rush into your next marriage. This one is over. File for divorce and grieve. You made a massive mistake, now its time to take control and fix it
Lawyer and STI tests pronto. Chalk this up to a life lesson and make sure you actually learn from it.
Why do you want to save your marriage? Genuine question.
If it’s “because I love him” flesh that out. Why do you love him? Is it because of behavior he demonstrated the first 6 months of your relationship- during the honeymoon phase?
Or is it because you are alone and scared, and afraid of change?
Nothing will save your marriage. Go home.
He sounds way too immature and selfish to be married.
I suppose you could try asking for marriage counseling. But don’t he shocked if he won’t go.
Divorce is not as scary as it seems – been there, done that! It’s also MUCH better than staying in a broken, miserable relationship.
Getting divorced is one of the best choices I ever made, and I suspect you’ll feel similarly one day.
You made a mistake of marrying this man that you didn’t even know so quickly. He doesn’t make you happy. Now correct the mistake and leave him and file for divorce and move on with your life and make a better life and don’t do dumb things like marrying someone within a month of dating anymore
Not gonna lie that asshole sounds verbally abusive
There’s nothing here to save, sister. The honeymoon phase is over and this is his true self.
Love, he didn’t change after marriage. This is who he has always been. What you fell in love with was a mask, he was on his best behavior. I’m so sorry but if it makes you feel any better, you’re not the first person to fall for someone’s fake personality and you certainly won’t be the last. Know that you, and everyone who has fallen/is going to fall, for this charade do deserve better. The unknown is scary but it is often worth it.
Get your self back home to your family and see a lawyer about a divorce. Dont waste any more time on this man than you have already.
You got married way too fast and it turns out he’s a prick. The first issue you had a hand in. The second is 100% his. So fix the one you can.
Lesson learned.
And that’s fine, you got this!!! File for divorce, move back to your country, explore yourself, meet new people and make sure you know the other person before marrying him.
Dont be afraid, imagine that there is someone waiting for you to show you want real love, real affection, real care and real marriage is!!! You are still young
YOU. GOT. THIS.
Thank you so much to everyone. I was able to contact DV services today and I am waiting for a shelter to open up for me and my cat. What all of you have said to me has meant a lot and gave me a chance to gather some courage to move on and be strong. I’ll hopefully be back soon with some updates. Again thank you for your kindness and for helping me get through this.
By the way, this marriage isn’t fun for you anymore either! Are you financially dependent on him? If not, start stashing your money away where he has no access. Go to the post office and open up a mailbox, then have financial records sent to the P.O. Box. If you are financially dependent upon him, start withdrawing money, telling him your shopping.
If you are here and working, then work overtime if possible. This is less time at home and also extra money. Don’t show him pay stubs and change direct deposit if necessary. Please contact your family and let them know what is going on if you are close to your family.
If you aren’t working, then he married the maid and cook. He is the typical bait and switch man. He will be the best man you ever met until he has you trapped in a marriage and away from family. This is exactly his plan.
Let him go out and say nothing. He is cheating on you. No married man stays out until 6 am with absolute no contact with his wife and is not in someone else’s bed.
Plan for your escape because if you stay, there will be nothing but emotional and mental abuse. You did absolutely nothing to deserve what is happening. Regardless of when you got married, no one deserves to be treated like shit. This is where you are today, and hammering the mistake is not going to fix the problem. He is already dumping on you enough. You don’t need anymore from others.
Well unfortunately you picked the wrong person to marry. Next time you will do better because this was a learning experience.