Me and my partner have been in a very rocky stage of our relationship for a while now, but today takes the cake.
He lied to me about something very serious (something to do with his physical health) and lied about going to the doctors about it. He then lied to me about following up on his mental health plan when I asked him days later. We’ve been on very rocky terms since then and all of the love and care has kind of spilled out of me.
I work 40 hour weeks, while he only works about 15-20. He’s constantly behind on paying me back for rent, utilities and I pay for groceries about 80% of the time, and takeaway about 90% of the time. There are so many things he will not do because he doesn’t have money, but doesn’t want to work the extra hours. His glasses broke and he will not do anything about it, he hasn’t done anything about his mental health plan after months of asking him to, he won’t get his license, etc.
I vented to someone at work about these things as I really rely on her and she gave me some very helpful advise to basically outline the things that I need from this relationship and mention where I think it is lacking and write it in a letter and give it to him. I stayed back from work for about 4 hours and when I got home, he was furious.
I apologised and said I was having a very good chat with work friend and I really enjoyed myself, he stormed off into the other room and continued playing games with his friends.
I went into the other room and started writing my letter. When he came into the room, I said I have something for him to read, it was basically me just saying that I don’t want to be his mother and I feel like I need more from this relationship. After reading it, he came storming out to me and told me I was being unfair and how dare I stay back for 4 hours and then spring this on him.
I told him I will not talk to him when he is acting like this and tried to walk away but he kept following me. It got to the point where he threw the book (where the note was in) on the floor and I left the house. He chased me out and didn’t let me get in my car so I walked away. He refused to leave me alone and when we circled back to my car, he said “If you drive away, I will leave and this relationship is over” I drove away and he’s been blowing up my phone since to the point I had to block his number.
I really want to ask him to leave the house (my house) but I know he relies on me too much and has no where to go, plus he cannot drive so I feel so lost and stuck.
I’m not sure what to do?
16 comments
You break up.
There’s nothing in this for you. He’s a mooch and he isn’t doing things he needs to do.
This is not healthy at all.
You tell him to leave and give him a date and time by which to be out. What he does after that is his business. He should have thought about what happens when you get sick of supporting him while he gives nothing back.
It sounds like your partner is not taking responsibility for his own well-being and is relying on you for everything. This is not a healthy dynamic and you deserve better. It’s time to have a serious conversation about the future of your relationship and set clear boundaries.
Girl. You know what you need to do.
You have basically ended this relationship already. He’s mooching off you, possessive and controlling and barely does anything in the house.
You want to spend the rest of your life being a bang maid ?
Edit: I just realized you mention rent, so that’s the only relevant section of my reply. Youhre going to need to look at your specific lease and tenancy laws in your jurisdiction to figure out exactly what to do to get him out.
Tell him to leave, and if he refuses: 1) if he hasn’t been living there long enough to trigger tennant protections in your jurisdiction, it’s a case of simple trespassing, and you should call the police to remove him; or 2) if he has, you’ll probably need to hire a lawyer and start eviction proceedings (if you mean “my house” as in you own it; if it’s a rental, have your landlord evict him, and be prepared to be evicted yourself if you were violating your lease by having him there without him on the lease – in that case, you may need to move or at least line up a place to stay first you you aren’t suddenly homeless if your landlord throws you out, and iths possie waiting until the lease is up – at which point you wonht renew it and wonht be moving WITH you ex – and making the best of things until then). In that case, you should secure your valuable and breakable items somewhere he canht access while the contentious eviction is in process.
He is a bad person who is treating you badly. Whatever is causing you to feel bad for him anyway, you need to push those feelings aside for now and focus on getting this abusive, parasitic man the hell away from you. Get a psychotherapist to work on whatever issues you have that led you to tolerate such poor treatment (and still be uncertain about throwing him the fuck out) for so long once this problem is resolved.
Break up and give him the legally required time to leave.
You are not over reacting.
His problems are only even partially your concern when you’re together. Once you’re done all that concern is done too. Give him a month’s notice and he can start ramping up his hours to save up for rent or find someone else to mooch off of.
Op he told you if you drove away the relationship was over. But his own words…you are broken up. Hun being broke and unable to care for himself isn’t your problem. You have made it your problem and this is why he has taken advantage of you for so long. End it, tell him “you said if I left we were done…so we’re done.”
Jesus, what a nightmare. IMO you: break up, then give him a move-away date. You could give him a month (or whatever is legal in your area), so he has the time to arrange something for himself. When that date comes, he has to leave – if he has nowhere to go or no way to leave – no ride – at this point, that’s **not your problem.**
Yeah get rid.
Kick him out. You aren’t responsible for him. This is your house. You don’t need to support a child.
You can’t stay with him just because he can’t take care of himself. That’s on him, not you. Do what needs to be done, let him go.
OP please get your important papers, jewelry and any breakable sentimental items either out of the house or take lots of photos of each so you have proof of their condition and that you actually own the items.
I’m getting a paranoid feeling that he may get vindictive about getting kicked out and try to damage or steal items on his way out. Consider the photos to be insurance in case he takes any of your stuff with him.
I’m sure he’ll be perfectly fine. He’s a grown man that can figure his own shit out. Just don’t let him sweet talk or guilt you into giving him another chance or letting him stay with you.
🚩🚩 so you’ve been ignoring all these red flags and it’s time to stop you need to get him out of your apartment and out of your life.
Find out what kind of notice you need to give and serve it to him. Contact the police to have him forcibly removed if need be.