How do you guys feel about this? Not talking about coworkers, moreso like going out to eat with friends, exchanging info like social media or phone numbers with someone you met out and about, or at the gym, etc.
Do you feel like this is perfectly normal human interaction and its insecure to think differently? Or should the meeting new friends of the opposite sex end once youre in a relationship? Would like to hear the perspective from both men and women.
4 comments
If you trust your partner its not an issue, and if you dont trust your partner the relationship is doomed anyway.
Meeting people of the opposite sex doesn’t need to end once you’re in a relationship. However, there are more aspects to consider here.
The process of making a new friend involves getting to know them. Asking about their life, their hobbies, their interests, getting a sense of the humor and perspectives on big and little things.
All of this takes time and emotional investment. That time and emotional investment could be going toward your partner to build greater intimacy with them, but instead it is redirected to another.
If your partner is going out with someone, getting to know them, having their own inside jokes, building a bond, well… that’s some risky territory there.
Nurturing a new opposite-sex (same-sex depending, of course) friendship over time is a bit strange. But it could also not be, just depends on your situation.
In a cis hetero relationship, the new person could possibly be someone you develop feelings for during the get-to-know-you phase, ultimately compromising your main relationship.
Or maybe not. Maybe it’s platonic. But still, when it comes to *new* friends, the time and emotional investment aspect is quite hefty.
An alternative option would be for both you and your partner to meet new friends together. Where you both share in that investment and nobody is slipping into what could potentially be an emotional affair.
As for “old” friends. That time and emotional investment has already occurred and you’re in a sort of maintenance phase. Folding your friends in and trying to create a good environment for your partner to also get to know these “old” friends is important.
Most people are stretched thin for time these days. Add on the stress of life and limited availability to truly be there for our partners and well, we’ve got our work cut out for us. Adding a new friend of the opposite sex really eats away at that limited time we all have anyhow.
Think of how hard it is to maintain the friendships you already do have! If you already have well maintained friendships, a fulfilling partnership with emotional needs addressed and met, your personal and professional responsibilities met, and you’re itching for more social life and more friends, then sure… look for new friends. But, consider making it a couples’ activity. You *and* your partner make friends *together.*
They are free to have whatever friends they want, you conversely don’t have to like it. I personally don’t date women who have close male friends…they are free to have those friends of course and I’d never tell anyone what they can and can’t do…but it makes me uncomfortable and I obviously don’t like being uncomfortable so I simply won’t date them since I can only control my own actions and not others.
Not a fan, especially if its a friend that isn’t a shared connection. IMHO there is a very fine line between the difference of friend and “something more”, especially for a straight guy.
I honestly believe in straight relationships it just brings nothing but trouble, even in cases where someone doesn’t have “feelings” because they are still often emotionally involved and you can guarantee when there is a lopsided attraction they will go after your relationship, normally by first being there when the SO isn’t.