My boyfriend of 3 years recently deleted my name from his bio on Instagram saying he thinks it’s ‘cringy’, when he put my name up on his profile we were going through a rough patch as I had discovered he had been having an emotional affair with another girl on Snapchat and he was ready to do anything to fix things.
During this time he also promised to put up a picture of us on his page but eventually changed his mind because he’s a private person (although he had posted a selfie earlier this year), I was fine with it because at least my name stayed on his profile.. Now he has changed his mind about the name too and I can’t make peace with it, I feel like he is trying to hide me. He says he feels controlled and I feel like I’m being hidden from his social media. We couldn’t come to an agreement and he just deleted his whole account, I don’t know what to think about this..
We are also a long distance couple so if I’m not on his social media I’m basically nonexistent to the people he knows most of the time, I want to feel like I’m a part of his life publicly and he wants his freedom – help.
TL;DR boyfriend took down my name from his Instagram profile after emotional affair because he feels controlled, deleted his account because we couldn’t come to an agreement.. I’m left feeling like a secret and like I’m not part of his life
17 comments
why are you with someone who stresses you out this much? someone who emotionally cheated on you, at that?
you‘re wasting your time girlypop
To be honest I would say you should leave him. If he respected you enough he would post you and keep your name in his bio without you having to ask and without argument. He’s clearly trying to hide your relationship and doesn’t value you enough to show you off. You can either have a genuine conversation with him about this call and collected or you can leave him and realise your worth more then that.
Don’t let him treat you like you don’t matter. Your feelings are valid and if he disrespects them then he doesn’t deserve you.
You may want to have a serious conversation with him about why he doesn’t want to post you. If he’s such a private person, why does he have social media in the first place? He’s already cheated emotionally, and if you’re in a LDR, it could have been more too. He’s being secretive by not posting you…maybe trying to keep himself appearing single so that he can lie about his relationship status more easily to other girls. Remember your own worth <3
> I had discovered he had been having an emotional affair with another girl on Snapchat
Why are you trying to negotiate a dealbreaker?
I do agree, putting your partners/spouses name in your bio is a bit unusual unless you’re some kind of influencer.
BUT, and this is a biiiig but. Refusing to post your partner of 3 years (especially if he is very active on social) is a big red flag.
Him getting defensive and trying to manipulate you into lowering your standards and trying to warp your perception of reality is an even bigger red flag.
This is manipulative and borderline abusive behavior!
Not to mention, he already emotionally cheated.
In other words, he should be trying to REBUILD trust and make you feel safe!!
He is doing the opposite — making you feel insecure and unsafe.
This guy sounds like a dud. You deserve much better girl!
this guy is a waste of your time.
I don’t know if this makes any difference to the situation but we only met in real life for the first time back in August.. And I just came back from visiting a second time. In a way this relationship is new in a real life sense, I did meet his whole family and his best friend.. He didn’t hide me in real life but I don’t understand why Instagram is such a big deal then.
You are in a LDR
He cheated on you.
He removed any trace of you from his SM and won’t post you or add you back.
Wake up. He’s still cheating on you. He removed you from his SM to seem single so he could mingle without questions.
Dump him. You deserve better.
Edited to add- I just read where you only met him IRL for the first time in August of this year. There is a VERY strong possibility that you are the side chick. Even though he’s introduced you to his family and friends, for all you know, they know it too, and are willing to help him hide it from the main chick.
Either way- he’s not that into you and he is hiding you. There is never a good reason for that.
To be fair, I find that posting my partner’s name on my SM is also cringy. It’s so highschool.
But if that’s really what makes you feel secure given that your in a LDR, it shouldn’t be a big deal.
Having said this, I’d still dump him. If he doesn’t make any effort in soothing your insecurities or at least give you the peace of mind you deserve, he’s not worth it.
>My boyfriend of 3 years recently deleted my name from his bio on Instagram saying he thinks it’s ‘cringy’
That’s because it is. It’s the equivalent to putting “<3 partner’s name” on MSN Messenger back in the day. It’s high school shit I grew out of by the time I was 19.
I’m sorry but it really sounds like he is cheating
My ex was like this. We dated for 3 years and he never posted me. He said it was because he didn’t post much at all. When we broke up he got a new gf that he constantly posted all over his stories and instagram page.
Having your SOs name in your IG bio at your age is extremely cringey. Seems the bigger issue is that you’ve been together 3 years but only met in person twice and he’s cheated on you.
He either cheated and is hiding you from the other girl or want to hide the other girl from you. Either way, he’s a pos.
Being honest – I would say the ages here are part of the problem. Would you feel this insecure with someone your own age? I wouldn’t, but I always did when I was 25 dating someone who was 20. Either way I would cut your losses, find someone who’s looking for the same things as you. You are wasting each other’s time – these arguments wouldn’t be happening with the right person (not trying to be mean, just talking from my own similar experience)
It’s November and all he’s posted of himself all year is one selfie? And he’d prefer to delete his account than post to it? Maybe he’s just a private person. If that doesn’t work for you, you’re not compatible.
Move on!!! For your own mental health. A guy who loves you posts your name and pictures. He hasn’t because he’s hiding you. Why? He wants to attract other women. Period.