Im 25F, I have had 3 relationships, of which 2, excessively over exaggerate their drive and openess. I know its not an attraction, anatomy, ability or hygiene issue that could potentially be turning them off. BUT althou being super active at first it never last? I am also relatively adventurous. These 2 things mean alot to me in a relationship as I dont enjoy casual= meanless anything.
SO Dispite insuring they understand, I have been in 2 (pretended a few weeks) but low drive, traditional to the point that me initiating angered them relationships
29 comments
Overpromise, under deliver! My theory is these guys are trying to remove as many barriers as possible to finding a partner so they lie about their sex drive so you don’t just immediately reject them.
Most guys will say or do alot to have sex with a new person. Maybe it’s an ego thing or something.
If these are new “relationships”, they are probably just lying to sleep with you.
If this is happening over time, well things change. I used to be an every day kind of guy but as my responsibilities grew as I got older, my drive went down. Now I’m 1-2 times a week kind of guy.
Most guys think they want a woman that fucks a lot until they get a woman that fucks a lot. I haven’t had a single committed relationship where the woman didn’t absolutely run me into the ground. I would suspect that the guys that are over-promising to you simply haven’t run into a woman like that until now.
Do you say “I have a high drive, do you?”
Or do you say “in a long term relationship, what is your ideal frequency for sex?”
If they know what you want, they will lie to keep you.
Guy here. Many immature guys (not age specific, they might stay this way their entire life) see high sex drive as manly and dominant, directly relating a low libido to eunuchs. Also, they see initiating sex as being the partner in control and ‘wearing the pants’. They feel imasculated by having a partner with higher drive than them, and by having a partner initiate. Those guys might also refuse giving oral because they think it makes them weak and subordinate. They might also say they are a “dom” because they want to be bossy, but they have no idea what that means in a healthy bdsm relationship. Overall, it’s just a warped sense of masculinity, desire for control, and wanting to avoid open communication. Those guys lie to themselves and everyone else about being “high libido” because it’s a shortcut to being better, from their perspective.
Traditionally, men are the consumers of sex, while women are the suppliers. This is why women are objectified for being sexual, and men are praised for being sexual. We are raised with certain expectations based on culture, peers, and parents. Expectations of masculinity, femininity, gender roles, sexual roles. On top of that, people don’t talk about sex very much. As a guy, I’ve found it difficult to find other sex positive people who are willing to talk about things. I read the book Come As You Are, which shows that women have this problem too.
OH MY GOD. this happened to me, my bf at the time promised me everything I said I was craving in the bedroom only to them finally move in & NOT ONCE SEEING SAID BEHAVIOR 😕 maybe once, on a drunken night, but a bitch needs more ya know
The same reason men lie to women about anything else- to get laid.
This is not a men problem. This is s human problem. everyone in all relationships get sucked in and put in their best foot forward. Then the novelty wears off and you fall into who you really are. Old habits die hard.
Sexuality is a weird thing.
Like, on my own, if I have time, I would watch a few hours of porn a day and probably get myself off 2-3 times.
But with a relationship, it’s just not like that. Sex… Satisfied better. I mean yeah, at the start when you can’t get enough of each other you are like rabbits, but after things normalize, you might find yourself not even needing sex or porn daily.
The “high sex drive” might be based on his solo behavior, not how he is with a partner.
Think of it like food. Someone who only has snack food available and no meals will probably snack all day long, and identify as “constantly hungry”. But start serving them 3 full meals a day and not only will they cut back on the snacking, but they won’t be “hungry” nearly as often.
The honeymoon phase has worn off, and the real connection or sometimes lack there of, sets the new sex drive “default”
And it almost always drops a bit after the honeymoon ohase wears off.
A lot genuinely believe they have super high sex drives but lack the experience to be real with themselves that they don’t. Like fucking 3 times a day 7 days a week sounds good on paper but do it a few times and reality sets in that it’s not for you.
I’m 43 and had this same issue with a man a few years ago. He took a delta 8 gummy and freaked out, admitted he raped his son right after confessing another of his sins was having sex with me before marriage. We were at a friends house. I left him there and took his phone. He was watching porn all day and night with specific interest in incest, rape, and punishing a thief. I hope your situation isn’t like that, but what’s crazy is I was trying to tell those same friends something was very wrong and they thought I was overreacting. I made it a point to tell him how important intimacy and sex were to me and a couple months in he discloses that the only problem we will have is the frequency of sex as if we never had that conversation. Well, that night told me everything I needed to know. I think it’s best not to get emotionally involved so soon until you see their true colors. That fucked me up for years and probably still does.
Is this a role reversal? Can you imagine a man telling potential girlfriends if they don’t put out enough it’s not going to work?
Every married man that is reading this is probably laughing.
Well they thought they were, but its bc women aren’t on the same bell curve your on.
I’ve made the “all night” promise more than once in my younger days, and after the round 1 I was done for. I had all the intention, but my body thought otherwise (falling asleep immediately) 🤦♂️
Depends on the link or the bond. Maybe also my actual true attraction to the person. My just previously ended the relationship I just was never excited or interested. But I’ve had some in the past and I currently been in relations where I just couldn’t keep it in my pants. Just them walking by with excite me and I was ready to go all the time.
I’ve ran into this issue before too
I hate when women also lie about theyre drive.
🙁
My first thought were gender expectations for men. We are told that “real men” have to be virile with high libido. Many men are internalizing this, to the point that they think they have to want sex even if they don’t actually want it.
The comments about saying what you might want to hear are also good though
Most people don’t have enough self-knowledge to describe themselves accurately, especially when it comes to love and sex, and especially when ego and self-image are involved. Even on an anonymous survey, people will answer questions according to who they wish they were, or who they think they should be, and not according to who they really are.
So (straight) men think they should be totally confident, horny, always ready, ready for any woman and any number of women. The truth of their libido, their comfort-levels with women who are much more experienced than they are, who are kinkier then them or have higher libidos than they do, that have many different sexual partners, their ability to get an erection with a woman who has already had sex with two other men that afternoon, their ability to love someone who has had hundreds of cocks in their mouths… most men don’t even know the real answers to these questions. They answer with swagger and macho hubris, not with anyone else’s or even their own happiness in mind.
I’m embarrassed to say I really struggled to comprehend much of this.
I dont think they think they’re lying. 100% of my relationships have been me having a higher sex drive than my partners therefore I have a high sex drive.
If I hypothetically found a partner with a higher sex drive and I told her my sex drive is high but then I can’t keep up with her, then that’s probably the situation you’re in.
they probably mirrored back what you told them was important to you, so they could have sex with you
The actual answer to your question is because women or selective, and choosing men that they’ll have sex with.
I always assumed to have a high drive, turns out when the sex is actually good and satisfying i am more than content with twice a week.
Maybe your partners had similar revelations. 
some do lie, but if a man is really into a woman he can go for hours rounds and rounds. but if the woman turns him off get it done and leave asap. it is not going to satisfy him if he is turned off, he can still perform but some men are just like yeah ill still blow a load before i go. idk without learning more but its possible to be turned off completely by a person, character, behaviors, anything said or done could turn off a guy. could be adventurous means something the guys are not into, idk but introspection and be honest with yourself. most people are gona say it is them but idk, i like troubleshooting but need more info. good luck hope it works out for you.
Maybe they overestimate their own drive? They think they have a high sex drive, but have never seen what an actual high sex drive looks like? It may seem high to them, but then they see what yours is like and try to keep up because they like you, but ultimately they end up tiring themselves out and can’t keep it going for long.
Some men think they want lots of sex until they meet a woman that wants lots of sex then they crawl back to mummy needing a cuddle.
All joking aside, different people have different drives and a lot of the time men will say they want it all but really they just can’t understand how a woman can want it more than they do. Just for context I am a man and I know if I had it more than like 5 times a week I’d get tired of it. Sometimes me and my partner have sex 8 times in a weekend sometimes 3 times in 2 weeks. Just how we work but it works for us.