The other night, my girlfriend casually told me that she usually takes baths with her long time friend, she told me that like it was normal andi couldn’t wrap my mind around it.
She assured me that there was nothing sexual with her but i still find it weird in my opinion. She also told me that she does that with her family (mother) and amother very close friend of her
I really don’t know how to react because i’ve never heard anyone say that and i don’t know it was a thing (in european/ american culture).
I still feel uncomfortable about that, maybe because the way i was raised or because i’m a guy, anywaysi wouldn’t do any of that with my friends or family.
The reason it makes me unconfortable is rooted in my own consept of intimacy, i feel that when im in an exclusive relationship with someone, our naked bodies are exclusive too and seeing a third person in this “private sphere” makes me uncomfortable.
Any advice on how i should react?
Tldr: gf told me she takes naked bath with her friends, it makes me feel uncomfortable because of how i view intimacy, don’t know how to react.
47 comments
Shared non-sexual naked saunas and bathing is definitely a common thing in some countries. Date someone from Finland and you might be invited to a naked sauna with your partner’s parents. So it’s possible that for your girlfriend this is a normal activity.
You should think about your attitudes around your belief that you should be the only one to see her naked.
The idea that nudity is sexual in itself is a deeply controlling and conservative one.
For most of history, humans were naked and a majority of tribal cultures in hot places still go naked every day.
In places like Scandinavia, sharing a sauna naked is considered normal even with strangers.
In the south of Europe, women going topless at beaches is normal and accepted.
You should just think about the culture you’re part of and why you think people shouldn’t be naked together. What is it you think will happen? Your girlfriend and friend will be overcome with lust and start having sex?
Baths as in a regular home bathtub? I’m in Europe and been to naked saunas and nude beaches before, including with my friends and their husbands, that’s pretty common and definitely not sexual. However to squeeze with another person in a home bath, no, that’s not normal because there is no way of being in there together and not majorly touching each other, I’d never do that with any of my friends or anyone other than my boyfriend.
It’s totally okay to feel uncomfortable about this, especially if it goes against your personal boundaries and views on intimacy – communication is key, so have an open and honest conversation with your girlfriend about how you feel.
Is your girlfriend European?
I‘m from Europe. I go to the Sauna with my close friends, my fiancé’s siblings, my parents. When we vacation somewhere and find a lake while hiking we go skinny dipping together. I think this is a very cultural thing if you think naked bodies are inherently sexual or if you think they are just… bodies, I guess.
Unusual maybe, but if nothings happening not too different from using a shared hottub.
I bath nude with about half my cousins (and second cousins, and etc) every summer. Outside skinny dipping.
Just nudity, nothing weird
Is she japanese? If so this is completely normal
I spent a LOT of time naked around my female friends, for some people being naked around friends can be freeing cause your friends aren’t judging your body nor looking at you sexually. You’re just able to exist in your own skin, which is already a difficult thing for women to do
Where I live it’s pretty normal to see other people naked in certain settings (sauna, bathing, beach…). So if your gf considers it normal it most certainly is normal. It’s still okay for you to need to adjust to it, but it would not be okay for you to make her change her ways about this.
As you seem to think there is exclusivity to a naked body.. what about doctors? Every checkup at my OBGYN they will see my naked body. Every visit to my dermatologist they will see me in my undies. Would you consider this inappropriate as well? If not: where is the actual difference?
Depends on the bath she means. A regular bathtub? Amazing they can fit! If she means baths as in hot springs, nothing weird with that. I would prefer a swimsuit, but the minerals in some springs/waters don’t mix well with some fabrics and you shouldn’t wear swimsuits in them. Either way you generally have to shower before going in the baths and yes, you need to shower naked and wash with soap (seems really difficult for many people to understand). Same gender people will be seeing each other naked in the shower so who cares if you’re naked in the baths?
My BFF and I have baths together. Literally the night before my wedding we had a bath together and my other bridesmaid sat with us for a laugh and some champagne
I used to have an issue with nudity but after having lived a long time abroad in Japan where people go nude in hot spring baths, it doesn’t bother me at all anymore.
It was also incredibly helpful to my body image. I got to see real women’s bodies, not the air brushed photoshopped ones you see online and in the media.
I don’t think you should talk your gf out of doing this. It might be healthy for her like it was for me. But if it’s a relationship deal-breaker, then I guess bring it up.
Off topic i don’t mean to sound insensitive but why is your 0 an O
Wait do you mean in a sauna or a bath in an actual bathtub? I’ve gone to korean spas with my friends before. There are saunas where women get completely naked and I don’t find that weird since it’s just a norm at saunas. That said, if it’s a bath in a bathtub? THAT is strange. I’d never get naked with in a small tub with anyone other than my bf..
I can understand why it would be weird to you. But theres something u need to consider. That kinda intimacy between girls is taught since forever. That sisterly bond really makes it not sexual. I dont think boys are taught that or have that normalized
Personally I think this is culturally dependent. Especially if she’s European I think things like this might be more common.
Nakedness doesn’t necessarily equal sex.
Just because it’s not normal for you doesn’t mean it’s not normal.
My family generally walked round upstairs at home naked. For me, thar was normal growing up. As was sharing a bath or a shower. In my younger years, I’ve also bathed and showered with friends. I used to live with 6 other women, and we’d regularly be getting ready in and out of the bathroom, with at least one in the shower or bath at the time.
Doesn’t have to be a big deal.
If you don’t trust your girlfriend, that’s a different, much bigger deal.
That’s not anything to be concerned about imo. Me and my friends would be naked and sometimes take showers together after the beach
Well I’m American and I can tell you that’s not a culture thing. Taking baths with your friend and mother isn’t what we do as the norm here.
If it is a European culture thing then I mean we can’t honestly hold someone to a stereotype or judge them because of their cultural background. What we may perceive as odd or negative isn’t to them and neither party is wrong.
All you can do is express your feelings on the matter where you use the approach of what you view intimacy and if she would be willing to not do nude baths. Now if she says no, you can’t really force her to stop, again someone’s culture isn’t something you get to dictate. Your choices at that point would be to either learn to just block it out (maybe ask her that she just not mention it, a don’t ask don’t tell thing) or you see that it isn’t something you can look past so you part ways
It’s normal in some families, even friends especially in some cultures.
i used to shower w my sister all the time and it was never a weird thing
nothing weird about that at all imo
Kinda need some more details mate. Like at home? Or at a spa?
Meh… nudity should be more normal in my opinion. Not all nudity is sexual.
I wouldn’t care.
Pretty normal in many cultures.
Why are so many ppl confused about whether OP meant sauna or bath? He clearly means bath and this is weird.
The thing you are not thinking about is that it’s really hard to scrub your back. Having someone else in the bath with you, solves that problem.
There are many video documentaries of this being so useful , especially in Japan. We should adopt this idea more in the Western culture.
I have had a bath with girlfriends (platonic) before. There was nothing sexual or weird about it, it was just us hanging out and talking.
My best friend and I do this once in a while. We are both small women and we fit in a regular bathtub. It’s like a chit chat bath. There is definitely nothing sexual about it, we are both straight and we don’t touch each other. We occasionally fart or pop each other’s back pimples. There is definitely nothing sexy to it.
I understand it seems weird, but it’s very natural for us. She’s the only friend I do this with though, mainly because we are both very comfortable with our own naked bodies.
Does she mean using a public bathhouse (not common in America, but they are in parts of Europe) or a private, at-home bath? Depending on which it is, this means very different things from a western perspective.
Public bathhouse: whatever, it’s completely normal.
Private bath in-house: incredibly odd, you’re totally justified in being uncomfortable.
As others have said it really depends on the situation. Post this in the hot tub subreddit and the overwhelming majority of people would recommend bathing nude. Once you’re in you can’t see anything.
Also, nudity does not = sex. It may seem to a guy but it’s not. I’m sure you showered at a gym before without thinking “sex”.
>I really don’t know how to react because i’ve never heard anyone say that and i don’t know it was a thing (in european/ american culture).
Literally all of the northern countries in europe have some culture around nudity, be it on beaches or in saunas. Bathing naked together is considered perfectly normal in many places. Plus they are same sex too… thats literally how it goes.
They do it on the show Girls where it isn’t sexual. Idk it just depends on the relationship between the two people and maybe how big the tub is lmao
Doesn’t sound inherently sexual to me. Like how guys are naked together in locker rooms and saunas.
What kind of giant bathtub does she have that she’s routinely sharing the bath with other adults??
We have a double headed shower and when my mom stayed over and we were in a hurry she jumped right in. When one of us is in the shower the other brushes her teeth. It’s not sexual. I wouldn’t jump in a (normal) bath with her though that’s out of my comfort zone but maybe for others it isn’t? I went to the sauna with friends and we shared a hottub, but I think you mean a bath in a home? I think for women, family and or friends, being naked around each other is more acceptable?
If we’re talking like, sauna or public baths, not that weird. Sharing a home tub, more odd. Sharing a shower? Eh done that before, it’s not my norm but I’ve done it when travelling with female friends or have shared a shower with older female relatives so there was someone in there with them. I don’t find that super odd but I can see why if you’ve not been socialised with it then it would bump.
“anywaysi wouldn’t do any of that with my friends or family.”
That’s fine, no one is asking you to. So whether you would or not isn’t even an issue or a topic of discussion. It’s irrelevant to the situation.
You shouldn’t react at all.
Do you ever undertake team sports and then shower in a communal shower with others afterwards? There’s no sexuality involved, you’re not sharing your body. This is a bit weak. Let people live their lives without judgment.
This must be a hot tub or these must be tiny humans.
Forget bathing for a second. Is your gf not supposed to let anyone see her naked, not ever, just because she’s dating you? Because you see it as intimate and sexual?
Think about this for a bit: what about when she goes to the doctor? Or to the gynecologist? Or has to have a surgery? Goes to get a massage? Gets a bikini or a Brazilian wax?
People are going to see your gf naked, touch her body and even her genitals, breasts, bottom etc.. It’s going to happen eventually even if she were avoiding it. You getting upset about that isn’t realistic or sustainable. And that’s without getting into the problem of you seeing nudity as inherently intimate and sexual.
As for the bathing with her female friends and her mother part – clearly it’s normal to her. If you think about it rationally, there’s a very low chance your gf is some kind of strange bathing sexual fetishist and is in an incestual relationship with her mother, plus cheating on you with several of her female friends.
It’s unusual at this age, but I wouldn’t worry about it being sexual. Women do a lot things that guys would find gay.
You’re are allowed to have boundaries though, and if this is a big deal to you, you should communicate it with grace.
Typical, 0 comments about age gap
It’s common where I live to go into a hot tub naked with other male colleagues. Nothing sexual at all, their penises do not draw my attention.
Sauna is even more open, I can get into a sauna with family members regardless of gender.
However, squeezing into a small bath tub at home is very sexual imo. Too much skin contact and hard not to touch the private parts. I’ll not do this with anyone but my wife.
If the tub is large enough to comfortably fit two or more people, I don’t see an issue. It’s not a problem even if they’re at home. Honestly I’m sort of jealous as men (in the USA at least) get really GD weird about intimacy with other men.
In fact I’m expecting at least 40% of the men reading this immediately thought “sex” when I wrote “intimacy.”