Before dating me, my boyfriend was in a few toxic relationships where he had been cheated on and verbally abused. While he was in those relationships, he used to flirt with other women and attempted to cheat on his ex once. I know that the only reason he did those things was because he had terrible girlfriends.
Although we have a healthy relationship and i treat him well, i worry that he’s going to do the same thing to me. He has a lot of female friends who he speaks to and hangs out with often (he used to have feelings for some of them in the past). They tend to do things like go out drinking and clubbing, which makes me feel uncomfortable.
I’m not sure if i’m just being insecure or if how i’m feeling is valid.
How should i handle this situation?
Tldr: boyfriend used to do questionable things in his previous relationships + he has a lot of girl friends which makes me worry that he’ll be unfaithful
4 comments
I’ve had a couple of toxic ex boyfriends. The last one was the absolute worst, but not once have I flirted or attempted to cheat on either one of them while I was with them. Even when I was cheated on. There is no excuse to do any of that stuff.
Yo, I wouldn’t be comfortable if my partner had girl friends he used to have feelings for either, that he goes out drinking and clubbing with them. What on earth?! He’s in a relationship with you. He shouldn’t be out clubbing with any girl besides you. He sounds a bit loose, in my opinion.
If you really feel that way, you need to talk to him with this makes you feel uncomfortable. Your feelings are valid. I don’t blame you for not fully trusting him. I couldn’t trust someone like this, knowing what I’ve been through, and I wouldn’t do this to my partner.
Thing is im of the opinion that the only real reason that opposites have friendships is because usually one or both have some kind of attraction for the other it is very rare they become true friends (not including family or if one is gay) we are just too different. It just comes down to the same question do you trust him. I personally would not be happy if my wife was friends and going out drinking with other men.
Talk to him. Explain your insecurities about the relationship and communicate clearly about it with him. This is key for it to be attempted. Explain that you don’t like the fact he’s got girl friends, if he goes out with them, tag along for a while and see what happens, how they react together. Try and discuss with the girls if you can as they might step back a bit and understand. If that doesn’t work leave, if he don’t respect your concerns then he never did in the first place.
If my girlfriend was often out drinking with a bunch of guys, some of which had a crush on her at some point, I would not be comfortable with that at all.
Ask to go along and see what he says. His reaction will tell you a lot. If he says sure, then go and see how the girls react. **Their** reaction will tell you even **more**.
Afterwards, tell him how you feel. I say afterwards because you might change your mind after having hung out with everybody. If you’re still uncomfortable, straight-up tell him exactly why.
One of the girls might indeed have her eye on your boyfriend, but he might be oblivious to that. When you go out with him, you’ll be able to tell immediately.
Either way, your feelings are completely valid and he should respect them. If he doesn’t, then it’s time to move on. If that happens, don’t ever take him back no matter how much he begs and pleads, because he won’t change