Me and my girlfriend were dating for three years since high school before breaking up after I moved to a new city for work. I broke up with her because I thought the distance would be too much, but I still loved her. We broke up for two months and recently got back together. We both decided that we should give us a shot and that we love each other enough to try. While a part, I hooked up with a girl off of Tinder and felt deeply ashamed. I was trying to get over my ex, and I thought sleeping around would help, but it just made me miss her more. My girlfriend kissed a guy. We both regret what we did, but we forgave each other. But now, I can’t help but feel our relationship is tainted in a way. What made our relationship less special was that we broke up and did stuff with other people. I am sad that she did stuff, but more, I am ashamed of myself. I love my girlfriend, and she makes me so happy, but I cannot stop thinking about her with another guy. And that our bond is somehow weakened. I intend to marry this girl. But I haven’t been able to think straight for the past two weeks. It’s like all I can think about is how our relationship is ruined, and my high school sweetheart was someone else random makeout session. But, even more, I’m ashamed of myself that I broke up with her and slept around. I don’t know what to do. I love and want her, but in my head, we’ll never have our “high school sweethearts” relationship back. Are these normal thoughts? I hope these fade with time because it is affecting my mental health.
TLDR: Me and my highschool sweetheart broke up and got back together. I can’t stop thinking of both of our pasts and how our once perfect relationship is ruined.
3 comments
You broke up. You did it while you were single. You got to do some exploring; you know the grass is greener with her. You’ve both been honest. Physical intimacy while single does NOT make your relationship any less special. The special part is how you feel about each other. It’s how you treat each other. It’s how you grow together. Seeing other people was an age appropriate, adult thing for both of you to do.
You know what’s out there. It wasn’t for either of you. A common worry with high school sweethearts is that they haven’t had the opportunity to explore the world, their partner is all they know. You gained some life experience and can soothe that inevitable concern.
Get tested. Be safe. Neither of you did anything wrong, and these experiences can actually bring you closer together. Your relationship can be perfect because you’re both each other’s daily choice, not just a sunk cost fallacy.
“we’ll never have our “high school sweethearts” relationship back.”
Nope, you won’t, but that’s life.
Over time these thoughts will fade though, presuming you both really are in love with each and want to be together.
Sounds like you both need to have a serious heart-to-heart about your feelings and insecurities, and maybe consider some couples therapy to work through the trust issues and move forward.