So, i’m a virgin and my boyfriend has had sex before. The first time we tried to have sex, he had an erection but when he put the condom on and tried to enter, he lost his erection. We tried multiple times that day and used about 3 condoms before giving up. We’ve tried multiple times since then and each time he loses his erection. Even tried doing it without a condom and the same issue arose. Is this because he’s not attracted to me? Like is there something wrong with me and he notices it and loses his erection? Are we just not sexually compatible?
For context: He smokes weed/nicotine everyday
7 comments
Weed and nicotine can absolutely cause this.
Not sure of your ages, but a guy who spends alot of time masturbating years before sex may have trouble (especially with condoms) since he’s use to a certain friction, hand position, “stroke” style, that new, or slightly numbed, sensations can be an issue too. Plus there’s being nervous with performance anxiety when with someone new, regardless if he’s had sex a few times or 100s.
I’m going to guess the most common cause of lost erection first: anxiety. Weed, nicotine, and everything else comes after anxiety has been ruled out. I highly doubt the problem is that he’s not attracted to you. He *chose* to be your boyfriend after all.
Have you talked to him about this? Has be expressed any concerns? Sometimes performance anxiety leads to lost erection which leads to more performance anxiety. Maybe he could benefit from fingering you or giving you oral until you finish, so he can relax about giving you pleasure? Have you gotten each other off in other ways? Meaning, are you comfortable being naked and doing sexual things together?
Other thoughts that come to mind: is he from a religious background? He is worried about condom failing and pregnancy? Does he have any other fears that could be bothering him?
first of all, you have to understand that you did nothing wrong here and he really loves you and he’s really attracted to you.
this is literally the most common thing that happens to guys.
but the problem most guys make is they focus too much on their problems, and they completely forget about pleasuring their partner.
what he needs to do is understand that this is all in his head he’s just nervous. so he has to take his mind off of using his penis and having to get hard and do everything else instead.
he needs to focus on pleasuring you with his hands, fingers, tongues and toys. because once he takes his mind off of his penis, and he learns to pleasure you with all the other ways possible. watching you receive pleasure and feel good because of what he did using his hands, tongue or toys will build up his confidence which will then help him eventually get hard.
but the thing is, it has to stop thinking about it. then, one day as you guys are fooling around, he will get hard and be able to stay hard when he least expects it.
other ways that you can help is to show him and remind him that you think he’s a really attractive you love him exactly the way he is.
Will you can do is also show him how much you love his penis no matter what shape it’s in whether it’s hard soft show him that you love it. if you’re just casually sitting down and watching a movie together, just play with it like it’s a fidget toy while it’s soft. lick it soft Tell him how beautiful it is while it’s soft how much it turns you on even while his penis is soft. because you see a society is so focussed on the hard penis that most guys think that if they’re not hard, it’s the end of the fucking world.
if you don’t have toys, go find a sex store together and go look at some toys you can buy to play with with each other.
if he discourages you or shames you for using toys or anything like that then he’s a piece of shit asshole and doesn’t deserve you.
He is a Limp dick?
How about you talk with him and see what’s going on? He may say he is nervous, or he isn’t getting a lot of stimulation to stay hard. Or he could masturbate a lot and sex isn’t much.
Condoms make it hard to feel anything. Use lube inside the condom a little and lots on the outside
Honestly he may be nervous that he can’t please u. Try just jumping his bones. And sucking him a lot. And let him eat u out. And act like ur injoyimg it alot. If he gets soft. Don’t stop. Act like it turns u on to get him hard again. It’s a mental thing. And men are insecure too. 😘
Seems like a death grip issue.
He needs to stop jacking off (and watching porn) and it’ll fix itself quickly.