I (31M) made an achievement today by going on the first date I’ve been on in 6 years. This is of course, after asking someone on a date for the first time in 6 years. Unfortunately, not so surprisingly, she (25F) never showed up.
I asked her out last Monday, hoping to go to dinner that evening, she said she couldn’t but she was free Thursday next week, which is today. So I told her the time and place I want to go out to dinner with her and she agreed. I said I was excited for our date and she said she was too.
We texted a bit over the past two weeks, and today an hour before the set time, I sent a text saying I can’t wait to see her. No response but I was like “fuck it I’ll have a nice dinner whether she comes or not.” I got there early and told the seating host that I was waiting for my date to show up. He said it’s right of me, the man, to show up early. I said I’d wait for her and if she doesn’t arrive in like 20 minutes, I’ll go ahead and eat. 20 minutes came and went and yeah, I had my meal alone. I texted her again, asking if she is okay. No response. It was good food though.
I’m not sure if I’m asking for advice or just venting or whatever, but I like you guys and the input that you guys have on these things.
UPDATE: Well it’s been over 3 hours since I posted this, and I still have not heard one word from her. Oh well. It was nice knowing her I guess. I gotta move forward towards someone better, right?
33 comments
Life’s too short to wait on people. Glad to hear the food was good! On to the next!
I am proud of you OP. As a 30M myself I’ve been in that situation before. Like you said whether they show up or not you got to spend some time out and eat some good food! Enjoy yourself and it is her loss if she can’t event have the basic courtesy to communicate if she changed her mind about the date.
U lost her when u said u were excited about the date, that just tells her u haven’t had sex for 2yrs
That sucks dude, atleast you had some good food.
Get used to it and have low expectations
Truth is homie, some women will be nervous and cancel cause they’re scared, or she’s a TikTok, IG hustler who’s getting an std as I write this. Either way, she’s simply not good enough for you. It’s the reality of being a man in 2023. There’s not really a lot of good women out there right now. You simply need to send the majority of woman to the gutter where they belong.
Have high standards, be the best you can be, build your career, put a roof over your head. YOU are what’s important, not some OF propositioner , Keep your head up the right woman will come around.
Keep this in mind, women are at a real disadvantage right now. They will kick the legs open for anyone who can convince her they are worthy. Sadly this means there is a lot of trash out there. But when you find the right one, treat her like the gem she is.
You made a major mistake waiting until an hour prior to text her confirming the date. No women in the world is gonna start getting ready, which takes them hours so definitely before they’ve heard from you, without hearing from you first wayyyyy earlier in the day.
You did good. Line up another one 👏
I’ve been stood up before. Shitty feeling. You have a pretty good attitude about this though, which is going to go a long way for you out there. Stay strong.
Don’t wait on people that can’t even prioritize you for one evening.
Don’t give up, and be sure that you give yourself a huge pat on the back for doing something so vulnerable. Not everyone has the guts to do that (take your date, for example), and you should be proud. You seem very level headed, committed, intelligent, and you have a lot to offer. On to the next!
I’m glad u still had the dinner alone. I personally don’t have the courage to eat at a restaurant alone, but that’s just me cuz I have anxiety.
As stupid as it sounds, confirm the morning of. Not saying it solves the problem all the time, but it definitely reduces flaking.
I prefer a man to wait outside the restaurant at least the lobby. It feels strange if they are seated already. Confirm earlier in the day. Sorry it happened to you, something seems off about the timeline though. I think there is more to the story from her side.
Ugh. The height of rudeness. I could never do that to someone.
The fact that you ate and enjoyed yourself says a lot about your character, her loss! At least you’ve asked someone out and made a strong effort, well done.
This day and age it’s really rough out there my friend. You’re gonna end up getting your time wasted A LOT unfortunately. All I can do is encourage you to not overthink it. Keep your boundaries strong. Don’t let anyone waste your time or string you along. Keep a 24 hour rule. If you dont hear from someone for 24 hours straight after texting them. Let them go and move on. I’d you get stood up? Move on. Be clear that you will not accept this BS
Did you actually confirm the date like the day or two before? Or did you wait till an hour out to message?
Don’t grab a meal on a first date. Coffee/drinks are much cheaper and they’re less pressure. They can leave when they want so they are more likely to show to the date.
Saved yourself the money.
Always get confirmation the day of. I live by this rule and have never been stood up. I’m not saying it couldn’t happen of course, but it makes it far less likely.
Related side story, I’ve stood a woman up myself by complete accident (though I’ll argue that it wasn’t my fault). We arranged to meet the next evening, and set a place and time. We were in the middle of a texting conversation and she just stopped replying, I figured she went to sleep and would reply in the morning. Nope, got nothing so I figured she flaked (not that uncommon). 5 minutes after the time we were meant to meet I get a text saying she’s there. I said something like wtf you didn’t reply all day so I assumed we weren’t meeting. I don’t remember her exact response to be honest, but she wasn’t mad, conceded she probably should have messaged me earlier to confirm. Admittedly I could have double messaged her to confirm, but I don’t think it’s on me to do that. Tried to arrange another date but that never ended up happening because she told me she got back with her ex, so I’m thinking I dodged a bullet there anyway. Point being: always confirm the day of.
Also OP, someone that ignores your texts and purposely stands you up is not someone you want in your life anyway. She sounds like an awful person and you’re better off.
OP can you update later as to what actually she tells you, why she couldn’t make it?
Rejections make one cold & trust me, it’s good for you. Jack up & treat yourself good. Don’t you ever fall for any mediocre person.
Another flakey bitch you don’t have to deal with. Sorry that happened to you!
That’s so mean, if a man has the guts to ask a woman out on a date, that deserves a chance, respect and showing up, sorry that girls, not a woman but stupid little girls are such scraggs
God I really despise people. I admire your equanimity.
Men on this sub: Dating is so hard, I only had a single date in six years!
Also men on this sub: This is the first time I’ve asked a girl out on a date in six years.
🤷♂️
Just make sure to not send an angry text to her like many men would do. You don’t have time in your life to waste on people who don’t value your commitment. No need to have the last word or somehow get back at her, just delete the chat and move on. Not for her, but for you.
You’ve got the proper attitude to eventually be successful
Keep at it and best wishes
You gave the first girl that showed you a little bit affection the chance for having dinner with you? like..
You didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve had a no show before, and it sucks.
Look at the positive- she showed you the kind of person she is. Barring a tragic reason like being taken to hospital, don’t give her another opportunity.
Also, it can only get better from now on, right?
Welcome to dating in 2023.
Well done! Her not showing up or communicating is her poor character and not a reflection of you.