We’ve been friends for 7-ish years. I’m 26F, he’s 29. For context, I’ve always had feelings for him. About 3 years ago, I distanced myself because he got a girlfriend, and despite my best efforts I couldn’t feel happy for him. I never told him how I felt.
He reached out to me a few months ago. We hung out several times, he even brought his little sister along once and we went walking at the park. It’s been nice
Anyway, we made plans to go out for drinks with a couple more friends. We ended up ubering back to his place, I live close and we ubered from his together. I planned on hanging there til I sobered enough to take my car home.. but we started flirting around, and before I knew it we were hooking up.
I thought it was gonna be a cut and dry heat of the moment thing. But afterward, he pulled me in and hugged me. Told me he thinks I’m so beautiful, that I’m such a good person; then he kissed me. Gently, not in a sexually charged way lol. He just kept going back and forth between kisses and hugging me. Then he said, “I should’ve done this a long time ago.” I didn’t know what to say so I said nothing, he said it again. I told him maybe he should’ve. Idk how to describe it, but it lasted about 20 minutes, we talked a bit while hugging. It was genuinely the most tender, romantic thing I’ve ever experienced. Shit didn’t feel real lol
On the way out, he gave me a hug and kiss bye. He texted me the next morning. We’ve been talking frequently. We’ve hung out a few times since.. But it feels like it never happened. We’ve mentioned it a few times when talking, but it feels like friends talking about something that happened a long time ago. But it was like.. three days before.
I’m so confused. What should I do from here? Should I assume it was heat of the moment, or does it seem he was being sincere? I can’t tell and I don’t know how to handle this. I have ASD so I struggle in these situations unfortunately. I would really appreciate male and female perspectives, and a play by play of the best next steps lol
4 comments
Hooking up with a guy you’ve had a crush on, after consuming alcohol. Hmmm. I wonder why you aren’t already a couple. It seems neither of you even suggested going on a real date either. Nothing is likely to happen now. Just a fuzzy memory.
He put himself out there twice, and you said nothing, then responded with a maybe.
That sounds an awful lot like rejection.
I find it hard to imagine it’s “too late” in any sense of the words. As the other commenter said there’s a possibility that your “maybe” was received as a rejection. There’s no way to know really.
Unfortunately there’s no shortcut: you’re gonna have to 1) decide what you want and 2) pursue it. And you’ll have to do so without a guarantee of how it’ll be received or what he’s thinking.
It sounds like “what you want” is a relationship to me based on your post but let me know if I’m wrong.
Don’t over think it
Actions speak louder than words. You can feel free to just continue life like usual and if he was serious, he’s going to contact you and invest time in you. If he doesn’t, then it’s because you were both drunk