I have an IUD. We haven’t really been pulling out during our relationship. However, I’m in school and I recently decided I don’t want to risk a pregnancy even though I have an IUD. I said a couple days ago I want to pull out from now on (I know it’s not foolproof , that’s not the point). he agreed. We had sex last night. He did not tell me he was about to finish and he finished inside me. I asked him if he forgot, because hes forgetful sometimes. He said no, it just felt too good. I said I would like to pull out and I thought we agreed. He said it’s not a big deal. Any advice? Please?
42 comments
Start using condoms.
Really disrespectful he did it for his enjoyment over your comfort. Dump him or have him wear a condom if you want the additional protection. But I’d dump him because I’d consider that breaking my trust if I were you. He didn’t forget. He did what he wanted despite your previous agreement. That’s gross af
>I said a couple days ago I want to pull out from now on (I know it’s not foolproof , that’s not the point). he agreed. We had sex last night. He did not tell me he was about to finish and he finished inside me. I asked him if he forgot, because hes forgetful sometimes. He said no, it just felt too good. I said I would like to pull out and I thought we agreed. He said it’s not a big deal.
So where I live this is sexual assault. You did not consent to this act, he knew that, and did it anyway.
Girl get out of there. This guy doesn‘t care about your well-being or your consent.
It doesn’t matter if your request is reasonable or not. What matters is that he agreed to the request and then deliberately ignored it. He did something you did not consent to. I’d be having a real hard think about continuing this relationship if I were you.
Yeah that’s not good. He needs to respect your wishes. If he can’t control himself at the end then at least you can make sure you are protected from the beginning. Make him wear a condom. He might complain with something akin to “it doesn’t feel as good” but that’s too bad. You can tell him you’re going to go maybe 3 months before you try the pull out method again or you can simply say it’s off the table. At the end of the day if he refuses to work with you then you should find a new boyfriend.
I would tell him he either needs to wear a condom or he’ll have to finnish by hand. Be firm and clear about it. Explain to him your reasoning. You’re in school, bc is next 100% effective, and having a baby at this point in life wouldn’t be ideal. Communication is key.
How you about you ask him for some space or a break away from him and tell him it’s “no big deal” that you just don’t want to see him and deciding if this relationship is in your best interest or not anymore 🙂 make him feel insecure and rethink his selfish ways. Then break up. Bc he basically told you, your feelings and boundaries are nO bIg dEaL
It actually is a big deal and you should stop having sex with him. He’s putting his pleasure over your consent, and is doubling down telling you that it isn’t a big deal when you confront him instead of apologizing? This one’s broken OP, hes old enough to be past this kind of selfishness that teenage boys have. He doesn’t seem to respect you and now you have a reason not to trust him.
Yeah I’ll tell him no more sex until he realizes that IT IS A BIG DEAL..he cares only about his pleasure
This person does not *really* appreciate your feelings.
They are either a jackass who thinks they can convince you to just get an abortion down the line if it comes to it, an asshole who actually intends to baby trap you, or a complete idiot who refuses to accept the very real possibility of birth control failure.
Neither of those hypothetical dudes are ones you should be sharing a life with and risking being tied to for 18+ years in the event of an accident.
It’s a big deal to *you*, and a partner that cares about you *will* respect that. If they don’t, at the very least they would apologise and never do it again. Girl .. *he’s doubling down* instead.
If he cannot be trusted to do what he’s told then I wouldn’t be sleeping with him but if you want to continue doing so then he’s got to wrap it up. If he’s too weak willed to pull out he’s gonna be a terrible dad so much better to make sure it’s a condom or no sex.
He should ejaculate responsibly. But pull out method is stupid. If you get pregnant and it’s totally his fault — you’re still pregnant. Insist in a 100% method of contraception. Pulling out does not account for precum which can get you pregnant even if he does pull out.
So he didn’t even bother lying and just admitted to blatantly disrespecting your consent? End the relationship. What a disgusting boundary overstep
My advice is to dump him. I’m sorry, but that’s a crucial area for consent. Some red flags shouldn’t be ignored.
Make him wear a condom. You have an IUD and hopefully it did its thing. However, you can go the psychological route and do eye for eye and be like if something turns up best be ready to be a house dad while i finish my school stuff.
It’s a red flag that he ignored your consent.
It’s a bigger red flag that he doubled down and said it was no big deal.
It’s a huge flag that his feeling good was more important than your consent and wishes.
So unless he realizes the magnitude of how fucked up what he did is – I would break up with him.
If you don’t break up with him I would tell the bf that he’s wearing a condom from now on. He’s proven he won’t respect your wishes, so now it’s condom wearing time. (Though if you really don’t want to risk pregnancy that should probably be the standard anyways.)
Stop having sex and tell him it’s no big deal.
You know this is considered sexual assault right?
In some places, you could charge him with sexual assault. I would refuse to have sex with him. BTW, if you really want to avoid pregnancy, you should be having sex with a condom too.
But yeah, he put his pleasure over your physical safety, boundaries, and consent. I would not only never have sex with him again, I would automatically break up with someone like that.
Sounds like he doesn’t think your consent is a big deal.
I think it’s time to decide he’s not a big deal. And say goodbye.
Girl this is a blatant violation of trust.
I dated a guy once who did something similar.
Dump his ass. He doesn’t respect you or your boundaries. This will not change, no matter how much you try to explain yourself. He’ll take each boundary as a challenge, or at best a suggestion. You will be violated over and over again.
Run
Run like the damn wind.
I’d ask why he thinks his gratification is more important than your consent. You made an agreement, and he didn’t give af.
i think the biggest issue is that he doesn’t see that it’s wrong. instead of apologising he was selfish and didn’t care when you brought it up
I mean, its not a big deal to him… he’s not the one risking getting pregnant. Good luck with that. It would be a dealbreaker for me to be with someone who cares so little about me
So sexual assault is what you’re describing. When someone intentionally commits a sex act on that you told them not to, that’s sexual assault.
My ex did this with me. I take the pill and forgot to refill my prescription before I went on a trip so I was going to miss a day and I asked him to not finish in me until I was back on track with my next pack. He finished in me and had the same excuse “it just feels so good”. I felt so violated and angry because I asked him to not do that. It is a big deal. He didn’t respect your wishes or your word. That moment with my ex made me not trust him or really want to have sex with again since my wants or needs didn’t mean anything. You should sit down with him and have a conversation about it.
He doesn’t respect you
That is LITERALLY sexual assault. Bring this up. Emphasize that you do NOT want that nor consent. If he gets defensive or angry you NEED to leave. Full stop.
This was SA plain and simple.
I would tell him that he has now lost raw privileges and has to wear a condom if he wants to have sex again. It felt too good to pull out is him basically stating that he won’t stick to the agreement, considering that sex is supposed to feel good. So what he’s saying is that every time it will feel too good to pull out.
Loved seeing this post btw. This weekend I am talking to my partner of 15 years about him pulling out/using a condom and I’m a bit worried about it. Getting pregnant would ruin me, and with the state of abortion access as it is him being able to freely cum inside me is not worth ruining my life over. Sex for me has become a more anxiety inducing activity than a pleasurable one and it sucks.
Hopefully your bf can understand where you’re coming from – that him being able to cum however he wants isn’t a good reason for your life to be derailed.
It’s not a big deal to him because he’s not incurring any of the physical risk of pregnancy. This man does not care about your health. Break up with him.
>I said a couple days ago I want to pull out from now on (I know it’s not foolproof , that’s not the point). he agreed.
A good start with communicating your wants and needs.
>We had sex last night. He did not tell me he was about to finish and he finished inside me.
Not a good start…
> I asked him if he forgot, because hes forgetful sometimes. He said no, it just felt too good.
I’m going to say something that may be really tough for you to hear. This was rape. Period. Once he does something that is outside of consent, then consent was withdrawn.
You did agree to it and he admits he didn’t forget he just wanted to finish in you and so he did.
Please, please, please leave him. Please. You don’t deserve this.
It’s a big deal because him pulling out was a condition of your consent. I think you should leave him because he’s not trustworthy.
He doesn’t respect you.
He did something without your consent.. he assaulted you.
1) It is a big deal because he broke a sexual boundary which is detrimental
2) He prioritised his own pleasure and feeling over your shared experience
It’s a bit of a red flag tbh and the fact that he is undermining it is even more of a red flag. Highly disrespectful.
wow he didnt even try to act like he forgot. Bro he ignored your consent and did what he wanted to do. Since when does a partner who loves you choose a few moments of pleasure over your trust and comfort.
He deliberately violated consent. That’s game over in a sexual relationship.
You need to break up with asap because it’s clear he doesn’t give a damn about you. He doesn’t respect you and only cares about himself. Leave him asap!
Whoa whoa!! He would be using condoms if he ever had sex with me again. Not only did he decide, against your wishes, to cum in you but now he’s saying it’s not a big deal?
It IS a big deal!! And he knows it. He put his own nut ahead of your very reasonable and agreed upon need.
Just fyi, if he had taken off a condom (which is like what’s happened here: cumming inside without permission) it’s a crime in many places and he could be criminally charged. THAT is how not-fine it is.
I’m not saying you report him but I would have trouble trusting that dude.