My (31M) partner (29F) has a very healthy libido and open-minded attitude to sex, but (because of her conservative upbringing) is kind of awkward when it comes to actually *talking* about sex. Usually when we do something spicy, we just “feel it out” without much conversation, which has thankfully worked out great so far.
Anyway, I’ve referenced using toys and she definitely seems curious. If anyone relates to this, what’s a good toy to start with? Ideally something that isn’t too intense for newbies. No major preference for clit or G-spot stimulation as she cums pretty easily from either. Bonus points if guys can use it too!
(I know in theory, the best answer is to communicate directly with her and have her choose something herself. I’d love it if we did that! But for the sake of this post, let’s assume that’s not an option for now.)
6 comments
Maybe start with a cock ring with a vibrator? That’s a good one to start that brings both pleasure
My suggestion is a Rabbit vibrator that provides both clitoral and G spot stimulation at the same time. Together, check-out a major online adult toy retailer like adameve.com or similar and find a Rabbit vibe that is non-threatening, meaning in an attractive color that would appeal to her and is not too big that it’s intimidating. Have fun!
Wevibe Tango-X
A clitoral vibe is a great way for her to have multiple orgasms while being penetrated.
My girlfriend and I amassed a bit of a sex toy collection during Covid. We were both raised in church and purity culture fucked us up for a time (we’re much better now).
So to your question, the reality is that most vibrators can be used in a couples environment if you get creative enough. Her clitoris is usually accessible during PIV sex so either of you can introduce a vibrator into the mix fairly easily in most positions.
Standard fare and the best building block for a toy collection is a good wand. Don’t buy cheap sex toys – get quality. Look for one that’s body safe, and waterproof, and easy to clean. Lovehoney has amazing reviews on all their toys from real users and they ship discretely unlike Adam and Eve. I just upgraded my girlfriend’s wand to a large Lelo (Lelo makes amazing toys but they’re pricy). Look for something at least $60.
Next, if you’re thinking couples play, try a vibrating cock ring. Again, you can find cheap trash but what you’re looking for is a large vibrating surface for her to enjoy during Cowgirl (woman on top) or even missionary. My favorite at the moment is the We Vibe Pivot as it’s comfortable to wear and my girlfriend says it turned my cock into her favorite sex toy.
There are couples vibes (we have a Tiani 24k) but if she doesn’t like a rabbit style vibrator (and some don’t), this may be an overwhelming experience. You want positive because she may feel shame, guilt and doubt if this is wrong. It’s not at all. Having a healthy sex life is a key to joy and happiness.
Finally, always buy lube. If you ever wanted to try sex in the shower, get a silicone lube (just don’t drop any in the shower). If you find a toy that can be inserted, lube is needed. You can also use lube for finger play.
Get a few things and explore. See what she likes and build from there
The Rose. The vibration part is like most. But, the clit sucker. The first time I uses the clit sucker (lowest setting to start, of course ) on my shy, demure wife (yep …. She came from a strong religious background), she looked down at and in a fairly commanding voice said “do NOT move!”
A simple toy like a vibrating egg. Not intimidating and you can use it for foreplay.