How much does your relationship affect your self-esteem?

7 comments

1. This post is all over the place. To answer your question, there is some portion of my self-esteem that is raised up by my partners opinion of me. I think she’s wonderful. If someone I think is this wonderful thinks I’m this wonderful, then I must be kind of wonderful. And vice versa.

   But then you start talking about not taking your partners opinion seriously. As if there is nothing but bias and Rose colored lenses. I trust my girlfriend to call me out on my bullshit just like I do to her. Her opinion matters, maybe more than anyone else. Because she knows me like few others do.

   But then it gets to the insecure feelings about your partner having friends of the opposite sex. Most of my friends are women. And I couldn’t care less if she has men as friends. Any comparison (which wouldn’t happen in the first place) is going to result in her choosing me. This is all just kind of strange in its structure.

2. I don’t tie any of my self-worth to my partner, but I do feel pride in her accomplishments. Sometimes if I’m feeling down, I remind myself that someone like her chose me so I must be doing something right, and it makes me feel a little better. It’s important to make your own accomplishments and derive your own self esteem from those though.

3. Zero. It’s call self esteem

4. Years of abuse and mocking in marriage made my self-esteem hit and break rock bottom. Now I’m slowly fixing it.

5. No influence. Relationships are a product of coincidence. It would be weird to use something as a foundation of self-esteem I have no control of.

6. I had a bad relationship where I couldn’t do anything right. She went from I love you to You make me sick in no time. And I agree I couldn’t do household chores properly because I never had done them, especially how she expected. Anyway day after day I hear things like you suck go away, no come here. …. it drove me nuts because I had no clue what I should do differently in the cleaning department nor what was expected of me in terms of behaviour. All I got was don’t clean like this or that. I am not your mother so I shouldn’t have to teach you. And no I didn’t show any initiative either

   I didn’t really understand why she stayed with me. I paid all bills sure and she was basically living for free here. I m not gonna cry about that since I offered her a stay in the first place.

   All the arguments and fights coupled with drugs and alcohol is a recipe for disaster. And several times a week police and ambulance came. Bottles and furniture were being thrown , she had cut me once when I tried to take the knife from her for both our safeties. I have a bitemark somewhere she gave in fron of police when I stopped her jumping the balcony.

   Eventually I sobered and cleaned up for a good period which was good for peace. Somehow we talked sex and she said I only sleep with you because I hate myself. She also told about systematically od-ing on her meds. Her eating disorder and SH were daily occurrences . I locked up everything sharp but there was always something else to use

   I was a fool to think I could do anything that would help her. It even crossed my mind to think she could be doing this to manipulate me to get my helpful responses for some twisted desire yet they might have the opposite effect. (I was not competent at all)

   I had lost all confidence in myself that I knew what to do in moments of crisis. I had to rush her to the doctor with a bladder / kidney infection. She broke her foot one drunken night and covid hit amongst other things. We were in the hospital twice a week on average.

   All of the above was combined with managing all other shit going on, therapy, Finances which were going to be shit, my dog died. I made a huge mistake in my tax declaration a year prior and had to payback a large sum of money. One symphony where lots of things are going wrong and get more piled up. I broke my sobriety of a couple of months.

   I didn’t know how to handle the situation + I was in constant fear of having to jump to action for a cut in her neck wrist or legs. Also she might have a knife and accidentally cut me. Is she breathing?

   We had some BS argument, both intoxicated. It didn’t make sense to me and I headed to bed and would figure it out the next day instead.

   I had clearly pissed her off properly because she entered my room and became physical with punches to my head. I got from the bed took her by her upper arm and carried her to the living room. (Nasa should investigate her she was that light.

   We’ll talk tomorrow!
   I told her I want her out, it’s not good for me but also not for her.

7. I haven’t had any self esteem in years.