My (23F) boyfriend (25M) dated his ex for 4 years and dated me around 10 months after their break up. He said he’s over her and indifferent about her. I cant help but shake the fear that they’ve done a lot together, worked together, and for those long 4 years, due to my retroactive jealousy, i always think that they’re somehow not over each other. Although he showed me otherwise and kept reassuring me.
I begin stalking her and i know little things about her. It’s definitely not healthy and it’s reduced day by day. I’m starting to feel secure. However, sometimes i do notice my boyfriend would mention small things, like for example, yoga and how much he knew about it. I’m sure he knew yoga from his ex because she loves yoga. He would mention cooking, as little as a specific sauce he’d like to make and i knew that was from her as well. He would mention healthy green juices, and she loved making those.
He would say these little things that I’m sure he knew from his ex and i cant shake the feeling that he’s still reminded of her. He showed me how he got his cute puppy and in the text to his mum he mentioned the puppy will look like his ex’s dog. He said he doesn’t care about her but he does love her dogs because of how cute they are. Although i do know these are some general things people can be mentioning all the time, but I can’t help but overthink things. Of course he does not mention her as much unless i ask or things are needed to be discussed about his work that related to her. Otherwise, it’s nothing. He does not compare and even decided to remove her on all of his social medias despite knowing that’s not his things and without me having to ask.
I’m not sure why I’m overthinking these little things. The less i know the better, but it’s too late. Hearing little things that maybe connected to his ex makes me so anxious.
TLDR: stalked boyfriend’s ex and knowing a lot about her. Boyfriend mentions things he knew through her without mentioning her. It’s making me anxious and overthink whether he’s over her or still think from time to time.
2 comments
Seek professional counselling. Your approach to the relationship is not at all healthy.
Of course he remembers things he first encountered when he was with her. He is however acting perfectly respectful to you.
By what you’ve written, I assume that he has gotten over her and he is happy with you, now coming to the little things that you think are connected to his ex, ofcourse they are, one stops being with someone but they leave some parts of them with you, we pick good habits of our friends and parents and partners, even of some media or cinema characters and that is, in no way, an indicator of whether he’s still into her or not.
He picked yoga, he picked juices and whatever he liked from her and moved on.
Think of it like you would pick some of his good habits too and make them yours now when you separate you would not think of them as Ah, jogging reminds me of him so I shouldn’t, it’s just a part of your life, a part of them. Doesn’t mean it has something to do with your emotions.
My advice is to stop ruining your healthy relationship because of this ex person.