My almost 40 year old fiancé has had a small Pomeranian dog for the last six years. The dog is used to living with him by himself exclusively. And the dog has not been socialized.
When my fiancé and I moved in together with my two children (I’m 35 with two young boys) the dog became gradually more and more aggressive with me, and only me, which I attribute to probably jealousy, and not wanting to share my fiancé with anyone else. He has shown slight aggression towards my children recently.
I’ve been bitten over a dozen times in the last 10 months by the dog. I’m terrified of him eventually biting my kids. The dog causes me extreme anxiety. And quite frankly, I’m at the point where I just hate having the dog in the house.
I’ve communicated my concerns to my fiancé at least a handful of times. I keep a lot to myself. I don’t share every play by play, blow by blow with him each time I’m bit because my fiancé doesn’t like any criticism of his dog whatsoever. He’s in denial that this is a huge problem. It’s a hot topic and any time I’ve ever brought it up he has gotten extremely upset about it and extremely defensive.
He puts it back on me and makes it my problem to fix. I have spent over $2500 on dog behavior therapists and over $1500 on specialty vet visits to try to fix it, but most of the professionals say that it’s unfixable. The dog has not been socialized, does not like dog treats or toys (making him nearly impossible to retrain), and has a serious behavioral issue that is not going to be changed because it’s so attached to my fiancé.
I have finally reached a point where I have snapped and I just don’t want to be around the dog at all. But I don’t want anything to happen to my relationship.
I’m also pregnant with our child together and trying to take care of myself and current 2 other children without having with the misery from this overwhelm me. I spent one night away from my fiancé with my kids just so I could get break from the dog. Not because I want any sort of separation or end of the relationship. But I just needed physical distance from this animal.
We just recently in the last two weeks started to talk about rehoming. And my fiancé says he will resent me for a long time if he has to rehome him. And my fiancé is an absolute agony over the idea. He said he was sobbing his eyes out to his mother on the phone. It makes me feel like a horrible person — I hate hearing him in pain, but at the same time I’m thinking to myself… I am your pregnant wife-to-be and this dog has bitten me multiple times… causing me extreme stress on a regular basis… am I wrong to feel that maybe he should care more about my well-being rather than the dog? I really want to reasonable. I really want to be fair. I’ve been patient for many months. I feel like I’ve done a lot proactively to try to fix it and I’m out of ideas.
Thanks
48 comments
Stop being nice.
Your ADULT partner has refused to do BASIC ADULT RESPONSIBILITIES and he’s going to blame you?
Fuck that. Don’t take that shit. HE FAILED. It’s his dog. It was his problem to fix. He didn’t fix it. Now you have to step up and be the adult when he wouldn’t. That’s fine. But you don’t have to be NICE about it. Make it clear to him that you are BEING THE ADULT and he is being the CRYING INCOMPETENT CHILD.
He’s left you no choice.
You’ve spent thousands of dollars trying to train this dog because your fiancé says his dog’s bad behavior is on you?
Is he always so unsupportive of issues that affect you? How did his inability to socialize and train his dog become your fault? Based on that alone, I’m sure he WILL resent you for having to rehome his dog. He is incapable of taking responsibility for this entire situation.
I’d carefully consider whether this is a pattern of behavior for him, not just in this case, but in others as well. Is nothing ever his fault?
Remove the fiance. He cares more about the dog than he does you. He’s probably using this excuse as a reason to break up with you anyway.
Why are you still with this man?
You’ve been bitten (I assume the hound is vaccinated), spent at least $4000 to fix a problem he doesn’t even acknowledge, the dog scares you and probably scares your kids, and you’re fiancé blames you?
That dog needs real help and it has to come from his “person”, not you – his “enemy.” Fiancé has made it clear he doesn’t care about you or your kids.
How do you see rehoming as a valid, humane option if the dog can’t tolerate new people?
This is a situation your fiancé created. Only he can fix it, if he wants. You can fix your side of the situation by leaving the home with your kids. Tell him why and that you two can talk once the dog has been trained.
This is awful. Unfortunately my husband and I had to put a dog down for biting (very long story that I’m happy to tell if it matters, but TLDR is that we adopted a senior from a no-kill shelter and she began buying day 1, after 6 months the shelter took her back with the guilt trip that she would be euthanized).
What has your husband’s role been in this process? Was he going to the vet and the trainer with you? Was he researching? What did he try? I’m asking because I’m curious if he’s struggling with the reality of it or if he doesn’t understand because he was not involved.
Does your husband have anyone who would take the dog? Does he understand that biting isn’t ok, which is why no one wants the dog? What does he think you should do?
How much of his resentment is actually shame because he failed his dog many many times over 6 years?
I think he needs to talk to someone, whether a therapist or his mom or a friend. He is grieving but he also did it to himself BUT that doesn’t help to hear when you’re already experiencing the consequences.
You are responsible for your childrens’ safety; your fiance needs to get rid of the dog out of the home or you and your kids need to move somewhere else that is safe. Your home as it exists now is not safe because there is an aggressive dog in the home (staying in a home with a dog that you’ve said has already bitten you (10?) times is negligent).
Please don’t marry this man. He is showing total disregard for your and your children’s safety and comfort in your own home. This isn’t really about the dog, but about the fact that your fiance is irresponsible and callous towards you and your boys. It was never your responsibility to spend that money on training HIS dog; stop it this instant and start thinking about life without him. He will not be a good husband or stepfather.
You’ve let this dog bite you 10 times and you haven’t gotten mad about it yet? One why are you staying with him that dog could attack your kids at any time and why would you bring another child in a situation like this? You cannot live in that house with your two boys and the baby you are caring until that dog is either rehomed or trained the way it should be. Stop being nice about it put your foot down and make some real actual choices and Moves.
Get out of there!!! That dog is a danger to not only your kids, but the newborn. The dog is likely small enough that it hasn’t harmed your existing children bad based on you not mentioning anything there, but your newborn will be 100% defenseless.
I fear the instant the dog feels it’s competing with the newborn for your fiancée’s attention, it will attack the newborn and very possibly kill it.
It’s fine for him to be sad. It’s not okay for him to value the dog over the *lives of your children and future baby*. Let alone your health and safety. You’re under-reacting if anything.
You should move out with your kids ASAP. That’s a healthy boundary – for you and your kids to live elsewhere as long as the dog lives with him.
He failed the dog miserably. That’s on him, not you.
You’re gonna miss hom , oh look i didnt get another bite
You fell pregnant with a man that chooses his DOG over you? His pregnant partner.
Re-evaluate your self esteem and your choices because wtf? Not to be harsh but what are you actually doing? What example are you setting for your kids?
My sister was living with a man (roommate) who had a dog that was aggressive with her. He bit her *several* times and each time the man blamed my sister for “instigating” the dog. How? She merely walked into her apartment.
Everything the dog did was someone else’s fault.
Anyway, the dog finally attacked my sister, biting her in the face and causing her to go to the hospital for stitches and shots. Dog was reported to police and taken away and he *still* blamed my sister for his dog attacking. She had to move out.
A person who will not take responsibility for their pet’s behavior is a danger to the public. That dog *will* bite you hard enough to cause severe injury. And if he refuses to acknowledge that then this is not a person I would trust around my own children.
My friend, either the dog goes immediately or you do. Why in the name of everything are you subjecting you kids to an aggressive dog in the home? Do you not care about their safety? That dog needs to go before the kids get hurt since your Fiance can’t be bothered to train his fucking dog like a responsible owner.
F that dog. Its not just you that you need to worry about, but anyone who ever enters your home for the next close to a decade. Unfortunately, its his fault the dog is the way it is. My sisters dog is not to this extent at all, but still isn’t the greatest and it could have been a great dog if only trained as a pup. They chose to be hands off. Whatever.
You are pregnant with current kids you need to worry about. As long as we aren’t talking about playful biting, 10x is 9x too many. And 8x more than you needing to put your foot down. You tried getting the dog training, but its too late.
You need to call his bluff immediately. Now he is pulling this resentment card because you have constantly given in. He is counting on you continue to give in. That dog is a liability. And sorry to say, your fiance is selfish. Finally, ya’ll are insane if you allow that dog around a newborn.
Time for the ultimatum. There is no other solution. Sorry he put you in this situation. He should know better.
If the dog is jealous of you, it’s going to be jealous of the baby. The baby will be at risk of severe injury, if not death, if that dog turns on it. I am a dog owner, and I wouldn’t hesitate to either remove via a shelter, giving the dogs full history, or having the dog humanely destroyed due to it biting. Have your fiance give the dog to his mother.
Your fiance should care about you and your children above the dog.
Updateme!
Nah, this man doesn’t care about you.
What is wrong with you? Be a mother to your kids and protect them instead of babying your stupid fiancé.
If your children’s father is involved, you could lose your kids for irresponsibly knowingly moving them into a home with a dog who bites.
Get rid of your fiance before his dog bites your kids faces off or attacks the baby you’re pregnant with when it’s born. You chose to be in this situation, your children have no choice, they’re at the mercy of your decisions.
You need to get legal advice on how you’re going to protect your baby from that dog or any other aggressive dog that he will put it at risk from.
Rehome the fiancé.
Why on earth would you still marry this guy? He’s choosing a dog over you.
Not safe. You should be looking for another place for yourself and children to stay and then he can decide if he really prefers the dog over his family. Until you have secured another place to stay, you should have a muzzle on that dog any time it’s loose. Muzzles are not inherently cruel but actually much safer for you and the dog than allowing it to run around as a bite hazard. I’m vegan, I love animals, but this is a horrible situation and it is only a matter of time until your children are also bit. The only thing I could think of is paying a lot of money to send the dog away to an intense training facility – but even then who knows if it will be effective upon the dogs return to you.
I will never understand prioritising a pet over a person in the family. We love our pets, they’re entertaining and can become part of the family. But the minute another human being is hurt, and more than once, that’s a hard no. You’re pregnant with his child. You are at risk. Your kids are at risk. The dog should have been gone a long time ago. Sorry you’re going through this but your man needs to step up and face reality.
Op your husband needs to be given an ultimatum; Rehome the dog OR lose his family. He is being an absolute childish ass.
If he still sticks his head in the sand and cries, he will lose both his family and the dog if it physically attacks you, the kids, or someone else.
The dog’s behaviour right now tells me that it will escalate. It’s just a matter of time. Please Op for the safety of yourself and your children, stay with family or friends.
Ok – so I really encourage you to move out. He places the dog above you, absolves himself of any responsibility for the dog’s behavior, and blames you for how the dog acts. You are traumatized in your own home and he doesn’t care.
He’s a pathetic man. You are his WIFE. And its common knowledge that you have to socialize dogs. I dont even have pets and I know that.
He did not train his dog for the past 6 years, and somehow the aggression issues and lack of socialization and training is on you?
Firstly, your children will get bit. Potentially your baby will get bit. You *have* been bitten. So whose safety does he care about? I can assure you that if the dog bit him, he would then start to care. He just doesn’t care about you getting hurt. Nor your children, nor your mutual child.
Secondly, shame on you for not respecting yourself. If this man cannot handle training and raising a *dog*, why in the hell are you going to raise a child with him?? Can you even imagine what a mess that is going to be? And things will get more tough, and he will not be there for you or take your side. I can guarantee it.
You need to stand up for yourself and your children here, this dog will eventually take a serious bite out of your kids or you then YOU will have to live with the consequences. Neither you of your kids are safe near the dog so you need to get to safety immediately, move out of the house or immediately re-home the dog, If he can’t chose between you and your family then it’s time for you to chose, wear the resentment, or end the relationship.
“It’s me or the dog”. You will have to make him choose. I’d he chooses the dog, you dodged a bullet. If he gets rid of the dog and then whines, leave. Then there’s just the issue of child support.
Tiny dogs can be very aggressive and often don’t like children. Has been neutered? Can he be put in a crate or kept in a room separate from the family? His behavior is not OK or normal. It will be near impossible to rehome him because I can’t imagine him adjusting to a new family. Canhe live with your MIL or some other family?
I would be concerned about this dog being around a baby. At this point, only you can control the situation. May if you stay away for a few days, your fiance will miss you and realize his mistakes.
Roll up a newspaper or get a water bottle to squirt it…
Dogs are animals, unpopular opinion, but animals are best trained with rewards for good behaviours and discipline for bad…
You pay it nicely, it gets a treat….
It bites you, it gets sprayed with water…
So leave the fiance
Stop.
He chooses the dog over you every single day.
There’s no salvaging this.
He cares more about the dog than he cares about you. He’s made that abundantly clear. What you do with that information is up to you.
Don’t ask the man to get rid of his dog. Make him keep it outside or scold it when it reacts that way.
I’m scared of what the dog will do to the baby! I’d get rd of the male human and he takes his bratty dog with him!
Tell your fiancé that the very first time the dog breaks skin on your child that you’re taking the child to the ER and will be making an official report to the doctor, a mandated reporter, of the name and address and owner of the dog who bit. In most states that will trigger a mandate to put the dog down, and if the dog was known to be aggressive before the bite then that can result in the owner no longer being able to be a dog owner again.
(This is if you can’t come to another compromise or decide to move out and not allow your kids to live with this dog or see him again. To be clear, this is a nuclear move. And this is not the best option for your kids sakes)
He’s absolutely justified in feeling hurt and angry that he’s losing his pet, but it isn’t your fault or the fault of your children. He neglected to socialize the dog and this is exactly what happens. Lap dogs especially are prone to aggressive and territorial behavior, as many people think that just because it’s a small animal it doesn’t need to be trained like a larger breed.
Rehome or euthanize the dog, but don’t Subject yourself to this anymore. He has to understand that no matter how much he loves that dog, it doesn’t justify treating you this way.
You need to gtfo. Take your children and go. Or he can leave, WITH the dog. He does not want to rehome the dog, even though he is clearly negligent.
He can’t take care of a dog. He will be no more capable with children.
He will resent you anyway. Get him out, sue for child support (and due to the danger the dog poses, and his lack of regard for the safety of you and your children, get supervised visitation in a court order), and let him stew.
Reverse the roles, he would force you to remove the dog whether you were on board with it or not, even through tears and he would expect you to not hold it against them. I guarantee it based on my short lifetime experience with men, not even intentionally bad or on purpose. I like the role reversal because I too would be guilted by him saying he will resent you. Like dude, I’m pregnant with your human child, if the dog wasn’t acting wild on your own failure of raising it, then I’d be fine.
You don’t have a dog problem, the problem is the sperm donor to your unborn child.
I get it, I love my dogs to the moon and back, but I trained my dogs not to be a menace to society. I took responsibility for my dogs by integrating them into the family, teaching the dogs proper behavior, etc.
I also disciplined them when necessary, never harshly or abusive.
As much asi love my dogs, I love my children more, and I don’t enjoy being bitten either
Your solution is to rehome bf and dog if they moved in with you, or if you moved in with him, rehome yourself and your children.
With the dig being the way it is now, your baby won’t be safe with it around.
Should there any visitation rights be discussed, make sure you bring up the biting of this dog, so your baby can’t be around it by court order
He is playing you😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭. Dump his worthless, uncaring, selfish 🫏.
After everything you wrote out in this post the answer is crystal clear, how can you not see it?????
A) you are below his dog
B) your children are below his dog
C) the needs of your pregnant self are below his dog
D) only has concerns for the dog and it’s needs
E) cares only about his own feelings and his dog
So, how much more must be said to you that you are nothing to this selfish POS, and why for Pete’s sake do you spend $4000on his this menace to society that you don’t own??????
You take resources away from yourself and your kids to spend on him and his equally worthless dog.
Please, spare us collectively all the following:
A) he is a great provider
B) he is funny and loving
C) the boys love him
And all other crap that you tell YOURSELF to excuse staying with THIS POS and his POS of a dog, which is unfair to the dog, because it’s the owners fault.
Next bite👉call the police and file a report, then leave. Don’t even think of not filling charges against your POS bf.
I have a somewhat different take I think than most here I think I’ve been on both sides of this argument.
My husband had a cat who hated me, constantly would lash out at me and my husband told me that he would chose his cat and I was resentful of that for the longest time. His cat and I did eventually get along but it took a lot of work and once our kid came along my husband had to really get involved so our kid wouldn’t get hurt and eventually indifference between cat and kid happened.
We have a pom now and he made it very clear from day one he is my dog. The irony is I didn’t want a small dog, I was bit in the face by one as a kid and our old dog was terrified of them so I didn’t like them and now I have moments i get teary just thinking of something happening to him.
As his owner though it is up to me to establish what is and isn’t acceptable behavior. Thankfully mine is treat motivated but his big motivation is when I get mad. I would never dream of telling my husband or kid that him biting them is their fault, that is on me and correcting that behavior because he only listens to me. We don’t have a biting issue with humans but he does get highly agitated and barks alot when someone hugs me or comes near me when I’m sick.
All that said, your fiance is the one that needs to do the training, not you. My heart does break for him thinking of how sad rehoming is but he needs to get this fixed now. You have gone above and beyond trying to fix this but it isn’t your thing to fix, it’s his. Just because it’s a small dog bite doesn’t mean it’s cute, it isn’t. Your fiance needs to get this handled.
Screw your Fiancé… the fact that he would prioritize a freaking DOG over his Wife that is pregnant with HIS child is just ridiculous. Get rid of that hell beast and enjoy life again.
Your fiancee is a horrible person. I’m so sorry that you are pregnant with his child. You need to leave him, or kick him out to protect yourself and your children. I don’t see a happy future with him.
it sounds like it may be time for you to leave. you obviously aren’t his priority. everyone loves their pets, but it doesn’t seem like your partner cares about your well-being as much as you deserve for him to. i definitely would not be marrying this person anytime soon ( or engaged to him ) and would be seriously considering continuing my relationship with him in general. this doesn’t sound like it’s going to lead to anything good for you. it’s already getting worse, and he isn’t making any effort to do something about it.
i am a huge animal person, and my pets are my babies. however, if one of my animals was aggressively terrorizing my partner.. i would at the very least send them into a very intensive training program to properly socialize them and train the aggression out. he should be paying for the training and vet visits in general too, not you. is it not HIS dog? even if it isn’t trainable for professionals, why isn’t HE trying to train it? the dog obviously listens to him. it seems like he doesn’t even care that you’re literally being hurt by his dog, pretty often at that, or that it’s affecting your mental health. on top of that, he obviously isn’t a very good pet owner because enabling the dog isn’t doing it any favors either. as someone else mentioned, rehoming most likely isn’t even an option at this point. why would someone else want to be terrorized? even if you two weren’t together, what happens if he dies and the dog still behaves like this? no one will want to take it in, and it would most likely be put down at a shelter. this isn’t responsible pet ownership at all. even if you do somehow manage to get rid of the dog, he has already told you what will happen afterwards. he will hate you for it. how are you supposed to get married to someone who resents you so deeply?
if he cares more about his dog doing whatever it wants than the safety of your CHILDREN, it’s time to go. as a parent, it’s your job to put the safety of your children first, even before relationships. i know this isn’t a big dog, but this still is a situation where they could potentially be hurt. you also need to set the standard for how you allow people to treat you, and this just isn’t it. if he’s being this dismissive of your feelings over something like this, what do you think the future will be like with him?
for the dog’s sake, i hope it at least has all of it’s shots. if it eventually bites one of your kid’s fingers off and doesn’t have them, it will probably be put down by animal control. that’s what they did when our neighbor’s aggressive/unsocialized dog bit clean through my little brother’s thumb. they may do that anyways though, depending on how aggressive the dog whenever it finally does attack someone seriously.
lastly, tell your fiance’ to stop the pity party, and stop falling for that manipulative sh*t. he 100% did this to himself. he failed to socialize or train his dog. he failed to intervene when the problem started and wasn’t as bad. he failed as the dog’s owner. it’s too late for him to be sad about it now. plus, if he’s so “sad” why is he still doing nothing to fix the situation and putting it all on you?
Update: he gave the dog to a friend a few minutes ago and asked for their help to take him out of the house and keep him until he is rehomed. It’s huge relief to know the dog is finally out of the house…only thing I fear is the backlash from the resentment that I was promised would come. I’m hopeful he changes his attitude and doesn’t truly resent me. I really feel I gave it an honest effort to try to help the dog and to show good faith trying to find a solution. But this is really for the best, for our home and our new baby on the way. I’m praying my fiance will come to realize that…and not punish me for this with resentment. Thanks everyone for the comments and thoughts. It’s a lot for me to reflect on and think heavily about.