I’ve been dating an older guy for two years now and it’s been going amazingly so far. He’s by far the most fun and kind person I’ve dated. I’ve dated many guys around my age before, but they’re always so childish and insecure. None of them have made me feel the way I feel about my current partner.
But all the friends I’ve told keep saying that he’s grooming me. I can understand why they might think that, but he’s never hurt me or taken advantage of me in any way before. Everything we do has been mutually consensual.
Now, one of my friends is threatening to tell my parents, who will definitely not take it well. My parents basically planned out my life for me, telling me what kind of job I should get, what kind of guy I should marry, how many kids I should have. But I don’t want any of that.
Is there any way I can convince my friend that I’m not being groomed and am honestly happy with my partner? Has anyone else had successful relationships like this and has to deal with all the negativity from other people?
15 comments
honestly, if you’d met him at 20 it would be less egregious, but a 39 year old pursuing and dating an 18 year old is a bad sign. You have nothing in common with a school student at all at that age, not even basic life style. How long did you know him before you started dating?
Please peruse these subs and find numerous instances of younger women and older men. In nearly all of these there are significant issues that the woman doesn’t identify until afterwards. I’m younger than this dude and couldn’t imagine being in love with a kid fresh out of high school. There are imbalances in power, experience, money, education, etc. that just can’t be overcome. To this dude you are younger and hotter and our urge to bang hot chicks never goes away. To your friends he is shady. All of this can be true. From a man about this age I will tell you that he may be grooming you but it’s more likely that he is just taking advantage of his power imbalance to bang a younger and hotter chick.
Be cautious. Your friends are probably more right than you because they can see it without the dopamine.
Secrets are bad. If you can’t tell your parents you are doing something wrong. A mature man in his 40’s should be able to tell you that. Healthy adult women of his age know handle the ebbs and flows of life. When they date people their parents don’t like they simply don’t care. Your friends were in you life before this guy, they see the bigger picture, if they think he’s a groomer you probably going to find out he is.
And you need to understand the concept of the first time. You say he’s never hurt you, like what do you think about how hurting people goes? You can’t possibility believe that a wife beater punched the lady out on their first date do you?
The problem with injuries (emotional, physical, financial) from groomers is that by the time you realize you are in hot water you are already into too deep to swim out of it.
Listen to your friends and leave this daddy/daughter dynamic in your past, or just get new friends.
All the strangers agree with all your friends.
It sounds like he has groomed you. An man that age dating a teenager is gross. He could be your father, and you’ve known him since you were even younger.
You’ll struggle to find people who met at those ages in happy relationships, because most people realise what has happened to them at some point. You met when you were in completely different places in your life, and a power imbalance is always a recipe for disaster.
If after several years you aren’t able to introduce him to your parents, then deep down you know something is wrong.
None of our comments will change how you feel, you need to come to that conclusion on your own.
OP, I’m a lot older than you. I am ALOT closer in age to your BF than I am to you. I’ve seen a lot, and been through a lot.
So when I tell you that this is not a good man, believe me. A 39 year old man has no good reason to pursue an 18 year old *ever*, especially one that he has know as a child.
He is grooming you. He has groomed you. The fact that you have kept this relationship hidden speaks volumes. If this relationship was so above board, if this relationship is so good, why haven’t you told your parents? Why have you kept it a secret from them?
Part of grooming is making the victim feel like they wanted it. Or that they somehow consented. So you may *think* that everything was mutually consensual, but I guarantee that if you dig into you whole relationship, you will discover that you have been manipulated.
Please, seek therapy to address this whole mess. You will need it.
Well you’ve come to the wrong place for that
Textbook example of grooming. Please do reconsider your choices.
You were groomed. Please leave. You will regret this relationship when you get older.
This is a phase. If you’re lucky it’ll pass with little incident. If not, I expect to see you back here in a year or two….
He’s known you since you were young, and waited until you were 18 to pursue you when he was a 39 yr old man. That’s a BIG red flag. All your friends are right.
A 39 yr old man has no business going after a teenager, and if he does, there’s something fundamentally wrong with him. And I think deep down you know that- otherwise, you wouldn’t have kept your relationship a secret and you wouldn’t be here asking random strangers if you were groomed (and you definitely were).
You won’t know it until his true colors come out, but please listen to reason. There’s no way this relationship ends in happily ever after.
Listen to your friends.
Now that you’re no longer a teenager the relationship probably isn’t going to last much longer
If you are so young that you are still scared of your parents opinion, then you are definitely too young for him. Think about that for a minute please.
EDIT: based on the comments here I’m pretty sure it’s a troll post. This can’t be real.
It’s not bad you love who you love you are both consenting adults tell evryone else to go fuck themselves It’s about you and him not you him and everyone else