I am a 28 f and my boyfriend is 30. He has been unemployed for the past three months, and his parents have been subsidizing his rent for a few years because he has had difficulty holding down a job. He used to work at Walmart, but he quit due to the work environment and hasn’t had a job since. We have been living together with my daughter for almost a year now. It appears to me that he lacks the motivation to better his life or become self-reliant. I am troubled by the fact that he doesn’t want to take responsibility for himself or work hard towards achieving something. Although his friend and I have been helping him with his resume and applying for jobs on his behalf, it doesn’t seem like he is putting in much effort because we do most of the work. Whenever I try discussing this with him, he becomes aloof, angry, and either storms off or starts shouting. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

23 comments

  1. I hate telling people to break up. It feels like that’s all internet dating advice ever is.

    I will just tell you that everything in this man’s life is enabling his lifestyle, and a man can’t be nagged into a productive member of society. That’s just the situation as I see it.

  2. Run Forest, run!

    But really, *you* are submitting *his* resumes and applying for him while he’s doing what? Scratching his ass? Seems like you’re quite easy on him and in turn opening yourself to ridicule. Just being honest.

  3. Tough situation, sounds like he may be depressed. I’d just try to support up as much as you can. Maybe he feels too pressured and is getting angry and shutting down. You guys have a kid so I’d try to make it work as much as possible especially if he’s a good father to the kid.

  5. You already have a strong, wise gut instinct. This internet stranger is +1-ing everything you said here and rooting for you to move on. You might be the best thing that ever happened to him, but you deserve someone who’s the best thing that ever happened to you. You’ve tried to grow together and he’s lashed out in anger and shot you down. It’s his job to work through that, you can’t fix it for him. Keep growing, don’t slow down for him and try to solve his issues. We all have our own and it sounds like you’re a few levels ahead of him.

  6. It is hard to say without details of how you are trying to bring up the topic. Have you brought up any ultimatum? Seems like it could be necessary

    Also… don’t “subsidize” him at all if you do so now

    beyond just the job, i would try to excite him about education or training opportunities that are available.

    I sympathize with him, i just found something after 2 months of looking for a decent opportunity. And it’s pretty disheartening and hard to apply to positions with minimal qualifications… so I’m gonna change that

  7. I don’t like judging but when he is 30 and works at Walmart , that guy is not ambitious or driven to do anything, i was like that but in my defense I don’t have any responsibility except for myself , so as a lazy person I can tell you that man needs a waking call or you just leave while the damage is minimum.

  10. Women seem to love underserving men. It’s crazy. Yet you can be a guy who works his booty off to have a good life, but no woman wants him. Go figure

  11. Why would he change? Mom and dad took care of him and now you’re taking care of him.

    He isn’t going to change so unless you’re ok living this way forever, then cool. But something tells me you’re not.

    I remember when I was your age and I was married to my first husband who was a perpetual child. We got divorced and the immense weight was lifted when I didn’t have to carry him anymore.

  12. Darling, run. If the daughter is not partly his, then run even faster. He is an anchor. He will drag you down. Do not attach yourself to anchors. You are young enough that you have time to find something much better.

  13. He’s a lazy mooch. If you’re ok with that, let him stay. If you’re not, tell him he has a month to leave. There are lots of single working men out there.

  14. Think you already know the answer; Ain’t no way a (assuming yall adults) grown ass adult gonna say they “won’t” get a job.

    Not tryna button mash the “break up” button like most posts would, but there’s not enough time in the world to play games like this.

  18. Next time he storms off rather than talking it out, change the locks and put his crap on the walk.

  20. ask to speak with after a meal, sit down, and break up. be firm and do not cave. “it’s over.”

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