What’re red flags that warn of a bad friend?

36 comments

1. Being flaky or unreliable with plans

2. Not being happy for you when you have successes or achievements.

3. Taking but never giving.

4. People who try to gain the upper hand – whether it’s by comparing you to other people, downplaying your accomplishments, or just making you feel like you are inferior in some ways.

5. [removed]

6. The friend that ignores you after she has found a partner, who doesn’t initiates any plans, one that makes you feel excluded and does nothing about it, the one that asks to borrow some money during times of need, but never returns you what they loaned. Yup, one of the few signs of a bad friend.

7. Being vague about whether or not they want to hang out. For example, you trying to make plans to hang out and they always responding with “I’m very busy. I might be available next week” and never making the effort that week or never. Basically just telling you “hey one day we will hang out but not today” instead of just being honest and saying they are not interested.

8. Not respecting my boundaries and alone time.

9. They brush off your most serious issues and talk about how annoying you are behind your back.

10. Someone where drama is constantly following them

11. A friend that only talk about themselves in conversations.

12. If they ain’t nice to customer service, they ain’t nice

13. Makes you feel guilty when you are not always available to them. I told a friend I was pregnant and her response was, “Ugh, so you’ll have three kids?? So basically I’ll never see you again.”

14. Friends that talk shit about their other friends.

15. Someone who doesn’t celebrate your success and support you in your lows.

    Someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries.

    Someone who only holds your company when there’s something they need from you but doesn’t return the favor when you need them.

    Someone who bad mouths you without thought or consideration to your side of the story.

16. Always making it a competition as to who’s chronic illness/pain/suffering/disability is the worst.

17. When you’re together, they’re on their phone more than they’re with you

18. Invalidating your life experiences. My friend has 2 kids and I have none. Every choice I make in front of her she says ‘ugh life is so easy for you because u got no kids.’ And ‘you dont understand because you dont have kids.’ Shii if I was as miserable as you then I wouldn’t have kids either lmao

19. Always. Playing. The. Devil’s. Goddamn. Advocate.

    They *never* validate you. Ever.

20. Someone that tries to put you down in the presence of people they’re trying to impress.

21. They mention former friends ‘betraying’ them in some way – common denominator and all.

22. They tell you other people’s secrets without prompting. It can be tempting to think “Wow, this person trusts me alot and confides in me,” when you should be thinking “Wow, this person sure can’t keep a secret.”

23. Someone who wouldn’t want to see you doing better than them

24. Only call when they need something, use you as the butt of the joke all the time, make fun of your interests, don’t celebrate your successes but expect you to make a big deal out of there’s.

    I have a number of girlfriends who I don’t do the best at keeping up with but with that said whenever we talk it’s like we picked up where we left off and we are genuinely happy and excited for each other.

25. Tries to force you into walking alongside your abusive ex at her wedding

26. They leave you when you’re in danger

27. Gently putting you down.

    “I love how you don’t care what you look like.”

    “Sometimes I wish I was more uptight like you are. I think I’d get more done.”

    “I’m always single. My standards are too high. I should take my inspiration from you and settle for anyone.”

    It’s insidious and it’s death by 1000 papercuts. Just get rid of them.

28. When shes friends with everyone despite telling you she doesnt like this person and that

29. Having an over-the-top personality that sucks the life out of everyone: Needing ALL the attention ALL the time.

30. “ I don’t usually get along with women.”

31. When you feel you have to hide yourself in any way in front of them. I’m learning to not give the privilege, and it is a privilege, of being close to me unless I feel comfortable being myself around someone.

32. Being overly friendly with someone who hurt me in the past, which she knew about.

33. They say or do something awful and then say “Just joking!’ like that makes it better.

34. Anything that implies you’re in some sort of competition, careers, finances, physical traits, partners, children, etc.

35. Passive aggressive “jokes” that are always meant to be embarrassing for you. Gossiping… if they talk shit about others then they will talk shit about you.

36. Friends that “forget” to invite you somewhere. Your real friends don’t forget about you. Learned that the hard way and got gaslight into thinking it was my fault to expect them to include me.