Hi
My boyfriend (21M) and I (19F) have been in a relationship for 4 years, I have a sex drive way higher than his. The ideal for me would be at least one a day, however my boyfriend’s ideal is once a week or once every two weeks. He is always been like this since the beginning of our relationship.
He is pretty vanilla when it comes to sex, and he is a good partner.
He likes when I we try new sex stuff because I want to experiment and we sometimes asks me to do new things for him. He does not have any fantasies or kinks.
I just wonder if there is anything I could do to increase his sexual interest.
31 comments
Communicate.
21m and not horny 24/7? Weird. He needs to see a doctor.
I am just like your boyfriend. My girlfriend has sex desire almost everyday. I think this happens because i have alot of responsibilities and things to take care of. While she has everything covered in her personal space so her idle mind thinks about that kind of stuff all the time. I am just making a big assumption
Get him to exercise and tone up
Try to be more active
Try spicing things up!
Needs are different for each person. Find some common ground.
If hes overweight tell him to lose weight (overweight causes lower testosterone) or maYbe he watches a lot of porn and has no desire for the real thing
Does he look at porn / jerk off? That could be affecting his drive
Obviously, talk to him, haha. Could also try instigating the mood slowly and over time, through texts and stuff over the day. But also, have you tried “doing things that make guys excited”? Your boyfriend might just have a lot of responsibilities and stuff he worries about. You could do stuff, like show up to hang out, sneak in the other room, and walk out in a hot outfit and act like you are “helping him clean the house”. “Ooops, I dropped the windex… let me pick that up…” Or “Oh no! You caught me while I was just getting out of the shower”. Go literally sit on him and move around a bit while he is just hanging out and say “Oh man not sure why Im so fidgety today”. You know what I mean? Hes dating you, so hes obviously into you, give him a push! Also the talking bit, do that too. That is the big one. Side note: I seem to usually be the one with insane libido, and when my past partners weren’t in the mood, I would just “save it” for a day or two and work up to it. See how long you can “build the mood” before your man just can’t hold back anymore.
Is he on any antidepressants/anti anxiety meds? They can lower libido significantly. If not maybe he should talk to a doctor. Once a week at that age is abnormal maybe he should get his levels checked.
Why not just have him eat you out?
Get his T levels checked! Regular blood work is so important for overall health!
Have him get his blood work done. I was having trouble also and turns out my test was low
I don’t think you can do much to raise someone else’s libido. If you could, this wouldn’t be such a big problem with so many couples (particularly in long relationships like this one).
With a libido mismatch like this, compromise can be difficult as well. Either one of you is having far less sex than you would like, or the other is having unwanted sexual contact. Neither is an excellent option.
The standard advice in this situation is for the high-libido to find nonsexual intimacy that both partners enjoy. Hugs, cuddles, etc.
Also, try not to do things with the hope of increasing your partner’s libido because that can introduce a transactional dynamic to the relationship that can leave both people feeling used and resentful.
To be honest I had this problem when I was younger with my ex wife. Not proud about it but I was hiding a porn addiction from her. After I quit my drive went up but had to do things to improve my mental health and T levels. The affects of it can last after you stop if it gets bad enough and you don’t get help. Also big help was developing better emotional intimacy as a male I feared being completely open and honest about my emotions at first. Wasn’t a good husband but could’ve fixed it if I addressed these issues in the beginning. Low libido is usually a symptom of mental health issues, addictions, medications, hormone imbalances, and I guess cheating but I wouldn’t jump to conclusions either.
Maybe just be active together, playful, spontaneous. Don’t make sex the focus. Make life, time together an adventure, then celebrate each other.
You TALK to him
1)Have you talked about this issue?
2)I want to give some experiences of my own:
Even back when my libido was higher, I hardly innitiated intimacy, because I didn’t want my partner to feel used in some way.
Does your boyfriend work out/is he happy with his own body image? Back when I was in my late teens/early twenties I was never feeling comfortable with my body, but was just incredibly horny after a proper workout.
Some idle thoughts – any experience with sex/intimacy therapy?
It seems like there are a lot of options from the talk therapy alone (including CBT/DBT), lifestyle modifications, or even medications.
Your boyfriend is like my wife. She needs once a month. But I need every day are after one day.
I think you are better for me.
> He does not have any fantasies or kinks.
He definitely does, even if those fantasies are mostly vanilla. Talk about it with him, be honest with what you desire, and be curious/non-judgemental about his needs and feelings about your two’s sex life.
If I had to guess; he might be stressed with things going on in his life or insecure about himself. Despite what people think, there are a lot of gendered expectations from men too and it takes a toll, especially at your age when he might be trying to navigate all that for the first time.
Having to lead/control the bedroom adds to anxiety and might pull him out of the headspace where he can relax. Work on making sex a playful and comfortable space for you both, and reassure him when you are enjoying yourself. Work in play time where you two just focus on getting you off and then focus just on getting him off without any expectations, and you might find he’ll be open to play more often once he feels safer.
Are you referring to him not wanting intercourse very often, but is happy to do other stuff to pleasure you at least or is he not willing to do anything until he is in the mood for it as well?
If it’s former then or shouldn’t be too much of an issue although he should still get himself checked cause at his young age, he should want to fuck like a rabbit.
If it’s latter though, then that is a major issues of course and you need to very clearly and openly communicate to him. There are plenty of ways to satisfy and pleasure a woman other than the intercourse and does not require him to be horny. All he needs to do is learn how to do certain things and put some effort into it.
Intercourse is not be all and end all, not by a long shot.
Contact me an l will help you out
There’s something you can buy called horny goat weed, a lot of people swear by it. It’s supposed to make everything very sensitive one big gust of wind with some breathable pants “boom” it’s camping season. I’ll link you a video to a review be warned tho they get to the point but you’ll get a laugh out of it. Just make sure you’re not in a crowded room when listening to their review.
https://youtu.be/gsPbTIMpZkQ?si=yNR9qzl-L1ofQJjH
https://youtu.be/Y2dznnpiBB0?si=th7fJcKihSEHkHs0
I don’t know if you’re telling the truth or joking،There really are such men. I do threes every day and I still want more and more،whats wrong with those losers!!!!!
First, I would have him look for any medical cause, such as lowT or taking antidepressants. If these are found, a doctor might help remedy the problem. However, if it’s not organic, but rather mental/emotional, do yourself a big favor and check out of that relationship. His sexual appetite will only decrease going forward. And right now, it might seem to you as a small irritation, but sometime in the future, it will be the 800 pound gorilla in the room. You will resent him and you will cheat on him. It’s possible a future divorce might involve children. You don’t want that. And it seems you like him and respect him, so don’t cheat on him and rip his heart out. Finally, if you do exit the relationship and look for someone with a more equal libido, look for a guy who is loyal and horny…not just horny.
Does he find you attractive
What’s his diet like? Excercise? Any medications?
TADALAFILA
Give him the blue pill. Problem solved.
If he hasn’t, getting his hormones checked is a great place to start. I can’t believe the difference getting on trt did for my husbands sex drive.