This is a question for everyone, how do you feel about dating someone with no money? Or from a man’s point of view?
I’ve dated men who had no money and it was very difficult. Having to constantly support them or pay double if our friends invite us to special events. For an example, ‘y best friend invited my ex partner and I to go zip lining. I wanted to experience it with them so I would often have to pay for the both of us when it came to nearly everything.
I don’t mind paying for them and spoiling men as well but it’s exhausting when they can’t do anything nice for you or even try to do something thoughtful that’s free.
I say this to ask your opinions about the topic. Nowadays I feel like I’m on the fence, I think that you should focus on putting yourself in a better position. If it happens naturally, I understand. However, I think about older couples I know and how they grew together financially so I start feel as if I’m becoming shallow concerning this topic.
39 comments
If they’re under 21 and still in school then it’s to be expected. If they’re a grown ass man and still can’t support themselves then that’s just pathetic.
There is a list of things that are important and financial security is on the list. But feeling loved, safe, protected, understood ,trust, since of humor, connected, intimacy, sex , is abusive or not, would they stand up for your honor all.of those things are very important he could have money but walk away when someone is hurting you or pay no attention to you , cheat whatever the point is nobody is going to have all those things so you follow your heart and listen to your gut. You know what’s important to you and what you need from a relationship just know someone broke will be able to give you what a rich person can’t and someone with money will give you what someone without cant
i mean its not really shallow to want a man with his own money. least i dont think. but if he cant even do thoughtful things that are free. thats not a partner. your just a sugar momma at that point. i dont mind dating someone that makes less money. as long as they arent using me to live above their means.
Honestly, we’d be in the same boat financially, so I feel it’d be easier to date them since they’d better understand what dates are more viable.
When you’re struggling financially, you’ve got to get creative with your dates, public parks & hiking routes become a god send. Your options, realistically, are: romantic picnics, feeding ducks, watching movies you still have on DVD, hiking trails & anything else that doesn’t cost money. I totally get why you wouldn’t want to have to deal with these restrictions, especially if you plan on starting a family at some point in the future.
That being said, your ex was definitely not the greatest example of dating on the cheap; there’s a near infinite number of ways to show someone love without spending money, the fact that he wasn’t willing to do even the bare minimum shows that he just was not the one. I’m sorry to hear you had to deal with that.
I used to think “oh that stuff doesn’t matter to me…”
Then I found myself unable to leave my abusive ex because she would have had nowhere to go / had already been fired due to her drinking / I would have been putting her into the street at a time where she could not stand on her own two feet literally, let alone financially.
People are aware that being very dependent on a person can put you in a position where it is difficult to escape. Putting yourself in a position where they are dependent on you can also make it difficult to leave. I have seen it happen to women supporting men as well.
I still don’t really care about my partner’s income let alone status, but there has to be a minimum standard of self-sufficiency.
I’ve seen a lot of women supporting broke-ass dudes with no ambition or work ethic who are happy to just mooch and spend all day smoking pot and playing videogames.
I’ve also known guys with girlfriends who just stop trying after they’ve been together for a while and who want to be treated like royalty and spoiled/waited-on hand and foot while they don’t do anything but gain weight and spend all day on social media.
Both are dysfunctional relationships.
There are plenty of ways to have equitable partnerships. Maybe both partners work and contribute together, maybe one is a stay-at-home parent taking care of the kids and household while the other is the breadwinner, maybe one is footing the bills and school expenses for the other while they’re working on a degree that will pay off more in the future, etc. I think the key is that both parties involved are doing something that either benefits the relationship currently or builds a better foundation for its future.
I’m a guy and I can’t at this stage in my life. It’s not that I’m not empathetic to such things, but I already lived my younger days financially struggling. I have enough medical issues. Supporting myself is fine, but having to be the support for 2 people isn’t something I can do. Last guy I dated who had no money was super insecure that I was already established in a career and had assets.
I didn’t read whole post but to your question, I’ll only date men that are employed with jobs. No job, no date, and I don’t care what they look like.
In general per the data on marriage men don’t care one way or another about a woman’s money whereas women care a lot about a man’s money. Per the data from the FED ([source](https://research.stlouisfed.org/publications/economic-synopses/2018/09/14/married-men-sit-atop-the-wage-ladder)) the men chosen for marriage earn significantly more than unmarried men whereas women chosen for marriage earn the same as unmarried women which shows that men don’t care one way or another about a woman’s money when dating for marriage and women care a lot about a man’s money when dating for marriage.
i think most people in general, regardless of their gender, would be unhappy in your situation. it doesn’t feel very good when one HAS to cover for the other. When it feels forced on one side when it really isn’t financially viable.
I do think a lot of people like to be spoiled and like to spoil others.
But most of us are adults and have more nuanced views on the world and understand that just trying to support each other is the best way to go about life when it comes to money. sometimes i pay, sometimes you. i will deal with these bills, you deal with those bills. etc
i genuinely wish i made enough money to spoil my hypothetical SO. But most of us know that’s simply not the world we live in.
OP, your feelings seem pretty valid to me. meet someone who makes you feel like they’re contributing more to the relationship.
why would i ever date men with no money when i could date men with money. like let’s be real here
Absolutely nothing wrong to want men with money if you got it yourself.
If you make min wage but expect man to make 10x of what you make – yeah that’s probably wrong.
sounds a lot like dating a woman with no money or no desire to untie the purse strings
I won’t do it. At my age it would be ridiculous to not have an income/savings. Why would anyone date, or be in a relationship, with someone who couldn’t support themselves.
Not for me. I did it very briefly with a guy who turned out to be a colossal A hole and didn’t shower 🤮 but on top of it all expected me to basically pay for everything. And I don’t expect a guy to pay for everything either but I do expect him to want to pay his own way and treat me sometimes and pick up little gifts, and in return I treat him too.
do yourself and don’t bother with broke men. they have no direction, no motivation, and will only drag you down with them.
I think this is entirely a mindset issue. Men have been fully supporting women for countless thousands of years. Yes in the past this is a problem with unequal opportunity and education. But even now, most of my friend circle have the man who works and the woman is a stay at home wife.
People on Reddit call it dysfunctional but a significant portion of the population still works this way. If you look beyond the United States, I dare say the proportion of male income only households grow even more.
Anyways, my point is having one person out ear and “support” the other is perfectly okay and if not the norm. Perhaps your issue is that you feel like as a woman, you shouldn’t have to do it. As for me, never once in my life have I ever complained that I had to pay double so that my wife can enjoy something with me. Either we can afford it or we cannot. Emphasis on the WE.
Don’t date a broke man, recently I went on a date with a guy in my uni he’s broke has no sense of direction nothing, I was so turned off it hurt. It was the first and last time I’ll date a guy like that lol
Why not just date a man with more money? Should be easy to find one.
The problem for me was the insecurity that came with it. I was in a long term relationship where I out earned my partner and after awhile he wanted more money from me to keep up with my lifestyle. It was wild and I had to end it. I’m happy to pay for things we do together but to support a man that was a no.
What’s wrong with you sis? If you have money why don’t you spend it on yourself? Don’t you think about your retirement your future children your parents? Why on a man? Can’t you find a better one so as not to downgrade your lifestyle?
Fellas if you have money and yet have no women, there are men out there who get their gf be their momma and they still get laid.
Haha. If you’d excuse me Ima go take a bath with my toaster.
What if that man was to inherit his parents real estate? Wouldn’t it be worth the wait?
A guy who has no money VS. A guy who has less money. I’d rather date a guy who has less money than I do. At least he is able to pay half rather than none.
It’s telling me that A man with no money has no ambition in life. Why do you want to grow a family with someone who has no ambition? You will always pick up the slack.
What’s the circumstances for him having no money? If he’s a good for nothing I’m sure you would have a problem with it .
If he’s studying and paying for his studies, paying of a mortgage for a house that’s gone up 3 times in the last year and generally is trying to better him self sometimes we do need a little help . And some day when you’ll need him to help you out he will.
There’s always a lot more context to why he is broke or not . Some guys spend it on weed and booze others on stuff to better themselves.
I agree that dating anyone with no money is frustrating, I am a man by the way
I don’t think money is the issue specifically but lifestyles need to match. My partner and I have a quiet, peaceful life we do a lot of free stuff and get out in nature. We are both on smaller incomes as have chosen time over working full time.
If he or I wanted to go on holidays every month or buy the latest gadgets and designer clothes, cars etc then we wouldn’t be compatible with each other.
Even though we don’t spend much money, we take care of each other in other ways.
My ex however, never wanted to work, wanted to smoke pot and play video games all day, wouldn’t look after the kids or clean the house or even smoke less pot so we could afford to live. That was stressful.
I wouldn’t, I have never and will never be interested in a woman who NEEDS to be with me. Only those that want to be with me. Being somewhat successful, if they show more interest in what I do, my income, my money, or what I own, they instantly become “only for the night” options.
Regardless of gender, it is harder to date a partner with no money. Let’s say he/she has little to nothing at the moment but you do notice that that person is putting an effort to land a job or create a hustle on his own that you think is worth it, then sure, support him/her to be able to stand on their own.
If the situation on the other hand is like, partner is being a slacker and just being your dependent and giving out lame excuses…then that is a bye.
I’m a guy, and I personally go into dating assuming I’m going to pay for a date. It’s just what I’m used to. I know everyone has their own views on this, I just personally would feel weird about not paying, at least in the dating stage. It’s a nice surprise when she says she’ll pay for herself, or even offers to pay for mine on occasion. That’s welcome, but expected. When it comes to her not having money, I’m okay with it when we are first dating, as long as she’s working on getting a job, and does eventually get one.
Once we are officially in a relationship, It would be nice for her to pitch in if the bill for whatever we’re eating/doing is a lot, like $80-100 or more. Other than that, I’m happy to pay, as long as she’s good to me, I’m happy in the relationship, and have the ability to do so. Only thing I would regularly expect her to offer money for is groceries and rent if we were living together. However, if you aren’t happy, feel you’re being taken advantage of, or are in a situation where you need their help, and they’re putting in no effort to get a job, or otherwise help you, I don’t blame anyone for wanting to leave and focus on themselves at that point.
Dating someone who is a financial mismatch is always going to be difficult.
The tradition used to be that men provide the money BUT women would provide emotional support, do chores, raise kids, and generally act more deferential toward men (i.e men are allowed to make most of the call and the women basically have to follow it).
The dynamic you’re describing is basically you’re acting as a breadwinner but your boyfriend is not acting as a homemaker. In a traditional relationship the breadwinner would have already ditch a non-cooperative homemaker. The fact that you’ve not means that you’ve already given him plenty of leeway.
Talk to him and make him understand that because you make more money and is paying for stuff, you expect him to make it up to you through emotional labor, look nice, do chore stuff,… Because from the way I see it this guy is getting all the benefit of being a homemaker without contributing in a homemaker capacity.
I felt nauseous when I read “paying for them and spoiling men as well”
Glad you’re willing too because I would not.
I’m not sure how I feel anymore lol 🤭 I’ve dated men who had more money than me, I’ve dated men who had no money at all and then there’s the fact I’ve been them myself so I pass no judgement actually. I’m choosing to be with them and if they can’t pay today that doesn’t mean they can’t pay by the end of the year when I might not be able to or that they can’t pay right now in other ways like cooking (I loathe that) since I want them with me so money isn’t ever a barrier
As someone who’s very broke post a long holiday it’s one of the many reasons I’m not even bothering trying. As a man dating is so expensive.
It depends on the person. I mean, I dated a guy who runs his own business. I work and freelance on my own hours, because I’ve had to do the single parent thing for years, without support. He contacted me one day he’d taken on too many clients, and it was “bad” he needed help. I said, sure, I’ll take on one of the clients for the rate they pay him.
Come to find out, he was thinking I’d do the work for free so he could get paid. Yeah, I dumped him after sharing my thoughts about that.
I can’t afford to carry the expenses for someone dating wise, really. That’s not possible with my earnings and expenses. I’m okay if they don’t earn as much as I do, or if they are disabled and on disability, or things like that. A lot of people lost their jobs during the pandemic, who’ve never gotten one with similar pay since then. Simply, what they earn today doesn’t necessarily represent all things they may bring to the table in a relationship.
But, if someone makes demands on me that require my spending money I can’t afford, when those things are optional, I’m not going to be interested in a relationship with them. If someone is only in it to take advantage of me one way or another, it’s not going to work.
And, yes, while I’m suggesting I don’t have a lot of extra money, I also have paid off a lot of my debts along the way. I’ve had men who saw me through a financial lens as being successful.
So, if they are going to create demands that would create debts I can’t afford really, I’m not going to be interested. If someone is in it to take advantage of me for their own financial gains, not interested.
But, would I date them, etc, if they simply didn’t have money? It really would depend on the individual and the elements that go along with them.
Nope
That wasn’t a man with no money. It was a man that never tried to do anything for you, even if it was free. That’s just a bad boyfriend. Don’t put that on poor people.
It’s hard to share a life with someone with different lifestyles. You said they should focus on improving their situation, meaning increase their income. The flip side of that coin is spending habits. Time and freedom are just as valuable as money. That guy seems lame. You seem as worried about zip lines and presents than building a life together. Limiting your dating pool to someone that can keep up with you as a consumer is normal. Then again so is divorce.
That guy sucked. But it is shallow thinking someone needs to improve their situation to date you. It’s shallow to think money improves someone’s situation. It’s not that they don’t make enough to live a happy life. They just don’t make enough for you and your friends. That’s the definition of shallow. It’s ok, most people are.
It’s impossible to date as a poor man. “Provider” is one gender role that has barely budged. Men still provide for families. A man being provided is shamed.
I’ve dated a man man that finantially struggled for 6 years. Didn’t care at first bc I tought of my income as OUR income. Then he got landed a job, and all of a sudden my money was our money but his money was his only. That was my cue to leave.
Struggling with money but showing interest and initiative to work is one thing, but someone using you is something else.
dude don’t date anyone who is not in your level. it’s a waste of time. they become users and you’re forever the giver. the reason why you give so much is because you hope one day they will return the favor. but they don’t, they just get used to a girl providing for them until you realize it’s a waste of time