How do they do it?

8 comments

1. Try saying stuff that you would say to a guy. Treat the girls like people.

2. 38M here:

   – easiest way to cold approach anyone is observing and asking. Something simple like “your hair looks great. Do you get it styled often” or have a funny clip and say “hey there’s this funny thing I think everyone should see, can I show you?”

   – the untold secret is most people are shy and awkward, those who don’t look it generally have desensitizes themselves to that feeling or their need for attention overrides that feeling.

   – don’t fear rejection. The other truth is most of the time you will get rejected. Just chalk it up to learning and move on.

   The fact you’re self aware of your social shortcomings is already a good sign. Just step outside the comfort zone without being creepy and your time will come.

3. Hey! Struggling to talk to people is a struggle for a lot of people. You’re certainly not alone with this.

   And just my two cents – girls are not necessarily impressed by guys who talk to “every girl they see walk by”. What I mean is – that’s not necessarily a behavioral pattern to aspire to.

   But that aside, When we have a hard time talking to people, it’s typically because there’s something we’re worried people will see or know about us for, which we’d much rather avoid and hide. And that, in turn, only makes us feel more alienated and awkward.

   I’ve got a question to help you explore a bit of what’s going on underneath:

   What’s something that if you believed about yourself, you wouldn’t worry anymore about talking to people in general, and girls more specifically?

   And that thing you’re worried about – is it even true? Can you know for certain that it is or is it more of a story you’ve been telling yourself all your life? And if you didn’t have that thought, that story about [insert imagined inadequacy here], who would you be? And how would you feel about talking to people if that thought simply didn’t exist in your head?

   Hope this helps to get you started!

4. Stop lending people that much power, it means nothing to them and is holding you back! I know the fear of rejection and such can feel deadly but be aware no one has the power to reject you but yourself. Look at this! You’ve already done it in your brain basically! Be aware of your patterns and notice how they get in your way, tell me what you find out

5. Practice. The world won’t end because you have a couple of awkward moments. When it happens to me, I laugh it off and say something like “Well, f*cked that up” or “that went well, sh*t” and in pretty much all cases, they laught with me and we get a better flow in our conversation. Show that you are human. You just sound like a cheap player if you have lines and stuff you pull. Seriously, girls will find you more charming if you show that you are trying and messing it up than if you are too smooth. Girls like to be special, just like any other human being on the face of the earth. You are not perfect, and you shouldn’t try and build a facade. No one falls for that.

   Just do it. Be awkward and weird or whatever. Be yourself. If not, you will only attract other fake people.

   /Old guy

   Sorry about my English.

6. Why not ask them how they do it?

7. Bro, why are you scared to talk to a 5’6″ 150lb woman? What are they going to do to you? Read the book “The Like Switch.” Just go to a random chick outdoors and say hi, ask what they’re up to, where they’re from. Throw in a compliment like “I like your dress” or something like that, and the convo will get carried on. The only way you’re gonna get rid of this fear is through more exposure and engagement with the opposite sex. It’s up to you. Those women are just humans, not some extraterrestrial beings looking down on your insecurities. I used to be so awkward with women until I started forcing myself to talk to random chicks and incoporating advice from the like switch. Now I literally can have a full-on laugh fest with a random front counter chick at the gps office.

8. Unfortunately if you didn’t grow up in a socially stimulating environment, learning this stuff will be like learning a new language. Which isn’t necessarily all bad, because you can actually learn the true mechanisms of social interactions and therein have more potential to go beyond what people are accustomed to.

   To directly answer your question, I would say you’ll have to reverse engineer your thoughts. Try your best to understand why you think, talk, and act the way you do. Then try to tell yourself something different based on that understanding. I will say that it takes a while; I’m two years into doing this and I’m still finding new ways to improve. But it does work, you just have to endure the initial growth pains.