tl;dr Met girlfriend a year ago, broke up due to anxiety issues I had for a long time and been battling with (generalized anxiety). Reconnected after 3 months. Recently, her communication changed, plans became infrequent, and she started using Bumble. She met a new friend on Bumble but didn’t mention it until later. Found her profile on Bumble dating, saying “Single” and “Up for everything.” Feeling confused and hurt, contemplating confronting her when she comes over later. Seeking advice on whether to address the situation or let it go.
I’m trying to keep this really short,
I’ve met my girlfriend around 1 year ago, and around 3 months I had to break it off because she had terrible anxiety that I would relapse because of my anxiety medical condition again (mainly tavor). / we agreed to slowly get to know each other again, no burden for anyone, and see if we can find to each other again.
At this point she started using bumble (date/friend version) and didn’t tell me until today. Absolutely, I don’t even begin to think that I’m entitled to know that even, but things really went dark and took a step to the downside.
We had 3 dates until around 2 weeks ago, when she left for around 12-14 days visiting old friends, celebrating birthday parties, visiting family, her sister who’s studying abroad and then came back. It was a thursday, we just saw each other again after a smallish argument, and everything seemed perfect to me. We agreed that it is going pretty good the way it is, even if it is hard sometimes, but we agreed to both fight for us.
When she left, she completely changed her style in texting me. Like day and night. I had no idea, what was going on. I couldn’t really sleep or even get out of bed because of my absolutely terrible anxiety, until after around 3 days i gave in and wanted a little talk what was going on.
She decided to take the “slowly getting to know each other” to the texting game, too, without letting me know. Completely in the dark. Even before (like 3 months before) our texting was still great. Well, not until that weekend. I explained everything, how I felt, really tried to be as open about it as possible. She agreed, apologized and told me “she didn’t knew it would affect me that much” (while saying that yes, she willingly decided to change the way to text me, without telling me anything bout it.). We agreed to see each other on Monday again (after around 7 days) and just spend a nice everning together into her birthday (which was on tuesday.).
It got better after this. She began texting me more regularly, seemed more joyful about it – at this point it was \~7 days until she would be back in town again and everything seemed to go very well.
She didn’t talk to me about what she wanted to do, so I asked what she were going to do on her special day. Told me that a friend of her had asked her to go out eating together and that was her plan. Didn’t invite me to go with them at all. I still asked her, if I could do anything nice for her on her birthday and we agreed on a chill night with good food at home at breakfast in the morning after. So I cleaned my house 110%, bought everything for dinner, breakfast, everything she likes, and so on.
And – we actually spent a nice evening and morning together. She left on tuesday for her birthday dinner with her friend (this is this tuesday, btw.).
Then wednesday came along, she spent a day by herself, then left on thursday for a competition of her engineering classes (kinda) which was around 300km or so away. I was still completely fine with it.
We talked about our plans on Saturday & Sunday – which I planned to have free to spend it with her.
Saturday: Entire day planned with a good friend of hers at the sauna, but could maybe come in the evening / night for a sleepover (but I shouldn’t be expecting much, she would probably be exhausted by then.)
Sunday: Plans to attend a concert with her friend that she had her birthday dinner with. In the evening, so she could stay with me until like noon or something and then would leave. Still didn’t invite me to join or anything.
Now – Friday, today – comes along and we didn’t talk about that day yet. I was kinda hoping / expecting that she would leave that day for us. Asked me this morning what I was up to today, I was like, not much, let’s spend a day together. Then told me this morning that she is invited (or they planned) to have a cooking night with “XXX” name (that I have never heard before.)
I asked her, just normally, who she is, and she told me “a friend from india”. I was a bit skeptical and just out of curiosity wanted to know how they met and if they haven’t seen each other in a long time. She told me that she met her on bumble like – well – 3 months ago just when we had our “breakup”.
She 100% assured me that she only wanted to use bumble to make friends becaues she felt lonely after our breakup. Which I was like, yeah, that’s totally fine. She told me that she didn’t use the app at all anymore, just met this one girl “XXX” and never used the app again. They saw each other like 2-3 months ago the first time, and then had this cooking night planned for a long time. Didn’t tell me about her a single time (or about bumble) until today.
So – we haven’t seen each other in like 2 weeks, then comes back, we see each other on the night into her birthday and a bit the day after. Haven’t seen until now. Constantly has plans with other people and only seeks to sees me when it fits her (like after meeting with a girl I have never even heard before from bumble, spending a sauna day, whatever.)
So, after this, I told her that I don’t feel good about everything. In the 3 months I worked very hard on myself, to express my feelings better, be more open about everything and somehow – if this is true – she doesn’t even tell me about meeting a nice new friend on bumble. Kept it to herself until the very last day – why I am asking myself?
We literally spend 2 hours on the phone today, me explaining how I feel, and she still assured me that she only had used Bumble for meeting new friends and not for dating. She was just feeling lonely and wanted to have someone to hang around with (she has a few friends here in town – also is in the middle of her master thesis and behind time schedule – gave me her word for trying to make it work with us again but at the same time is using bumble for meeting new friends bc feeling lonely.)
I feel like I’m not treated with any respect, I’m now any priority in her life, and she just doesn’t care about me that much. Even though – when I bring up my feelings, she tells me the exact opposite. But actions speak louder than words imo.
They met at like 4.30pm, like an hour after we ended our phonecall, and I haven’t heard back from her yet. I still invited her to come over after they are done eating, and she agreed to that, will be like 10-11pm (her words “won’t be that late, since they meet so early in the day).
While feeling really shitty about this whole situation I decided to download bumble and check it out for the first time. I just had to know if her profile is still up and if she actually only wanted to meet friends.
So, there are like 2 versions of bumble – 1 for dating & meeting friends and 1 for only meeting friends. I decided to download the dating one, creating a female profile and swiped for a bit. Wasn’t that many swipes, where I see a picture of her on my balcony. Profile saying “Single”. “Why do you use Bumble BFF?” – “I’m open for everything.”
I’m literally still stunned to see that. Questions in my head floating around nonstop. Why did she use the dating version and not the one for finding friends only? Why would she explicitly say on her profile “Single” and “Up for everything”? I still can’t really believe what I saw. And her profile was WELL made. Tons of good pictures, a lot of text, and so on. While the text was actually about only finding new friends, I’m still asking myself: Why is the profile even still up? When she only met this one friend that she is seeing today again? And never used it again since then (her words). Does Bumble automatically deactivates / puts them on invisible if there hasn’t been any activity? Because, well, she didn’t do it hereslf. I don’t know if she still has that app on her phone.
Now please, please tell me – am I going insane or should I just be 100% open about it and ask her what is going on? I can’t really take much more of this, I feel like I’m getting played (and no, she isn’t my first girlfriend. I’m actually very surprised about my patience this far.)
What should I do, when she comes over later (if she actually does)? Many things wandered my mind, like just packing all her stuff, ask her why she wouldn’t be honest with me at all (then see the answer) and just make her leave. Is this the way? Am I overthinking it WAY TOO hard? I feel like I can’t even think clearly anymore, really. Can’t even sleep properly at night because my mind is 24/7 thinking about what/why/when and so on.
Please, I welcome any of your insight and help to shed some light on all this.
If you came this far, thank you for reading so much for my story. It really means a lot to me.