How do some people have 200+ friends?

42 comments

1. I can’t even have one friend. At best I have people I know who I don’t want to kill immediately after seeing them.

2. He must have tons of spare time

3. Not everyone who you hang out with in a group is a friend

4. I feel like it’s the latter. I’ve noticed that people like this have a lot of shallow “friendships”, but very few people they truly care about. It’s the main reason why I prefer to befriend people who don’t have a lot of friendships.

5. They don’t

6. That’s an awesome way to send someone off. A whole bunch of dudes and dudettes just having an awesome time sending him off. Thats sweet man

7. extroversion usually helps lol

8. For me anyway, I’ve always felt like some people are really loose with the term, “friend” when really they’re only acquaintances at best and don’t actually know them that well beyond the surface.

   I keep that in mind people have different definitions of what exactly that is to them whenever someone mentions having lots of friends or how their, “friend” did something horrible to them they don’t like or to someone else. Because to me, anyone that regularly causes grief in my life isn’t a friend at all.

   But that’s besides the point of this post. It’s possible to have that many friends who did nothing but bring you joy and help in life I’m sure but to be close to all of them? Really doubt that though.

9. 200 acquaintances you go “HEY! GREAT TO SEE YOU!” to and 2 that you actually are excited to see and will actually show up at your funeral.

10. It’s more likely their wife’s f****** them

11. I would be careful of people who just want to know everyone and be cool with everyone. They are just socialites, there to make themselves feel important, being popular just for their own egos.

12. No idea have never been able to get above 0.

13. Many professional training programs (Medical school, for example) feature the perfect combination of shared transformative experience with a small enough cohort where you can actually know everyone’s name. This is almost certain to result in a large number of friends. Some people leave such experiences with dozens of new good friends. Add to that your childhood friends, work friends, and family friends. You’re approaching the triple digits…

    So 200 friends is not inconceivable.

14. I have about 15 or so friends I keep in contact with weekly at a minimum that I consider friends, then maybe about 10-20 who I was close with because of past jobs/school/etc who I keep in touch with on social media or see every few months. Then I may have 100-200 acquaintances.

    I don’t think it’s possible to have good deep friendships with more than 20-30 at once.

15. I can see how it would be possible to have a large number of “friends” with social media or by being a very active public social person. That said, IMO, most of them were probably “associates” rather than what I would consider a friend.

16. Many acquaintances, and a couple of friends. When someone’s funeral is packed, it means that person was the life of the party, everyone felt like they knew them personally. But no one has 200+ friends

17. I think for most people who have 5+ (a more reasonable number), they get used to being the one initiating the friendships/interacts. ‘Hey, you want to go do this together?’ ‘Want to come to my game night?’ ‘I was thinking of going to this event, want to join?’ And so on. Stop inviting the ones who don’t reciprocate or invite you to things as much and keep the rest. Rinse and repeat. Through these activities, you get to know the people and decide if you’d like to continue interacting with them. Kind of like dating.

    In terms of *meeting* these people. I think going to events, gatherings, meet ups, or classes within your personal interests in the perfect place to start. Make an observation with the person to initiate the conversation & go from there. If it’s good, ask for their social media.

18. acquaintances?

19. It’s entirely possible to have a social circle of 100 people that are more than acquaintances.

    I’d rather expect a girl than a guy but it’s still possible. I’d imagine a person having rather public job like teacher, being active in social circle like orchestra, church or charity, living in a place they were borned and putting effort in maintaining this relationships.

    I’m pretty sure in my small circle there are people-hubs like that.

20. I don’t think they are friends in the same way you are defining it.

    You could not be close friends and maintain those relationships with 200 oriole even if you didn’t have to work go to school spends time by yourself with family..

    He’ll most people can’t stop thinking of them selves enough to maintain 12 real friendships much less 200

21. This thread is full of introverts who have no clue how extroverts work (on the inside).

22. Made me chuckle.. I just finished watching season 3 of I think you should leave, and one skit is about a guy joining some sort of friend group and paying to have 200 friends

23. Conformism. Willing to erase one’s own individuality in order to fit in any social group, even if it involves wrong behaviors

24. One of my father’s friends has hundreds of friendquaintances. He is a very social person who loves to meet new people and talk to them. He is kind and generous and has a good memory for what people tell him. If I meet people who have even the slightest connection to my home town, they most likely at least have heard of him. So, when his farm burned down and the insurance refused to pay out, people raised more than a million in less than a month to reimburse him. There was more money raised than he actually needed to rebuild his farm, so the rest of the money went into a foundation which nowadays exists to help other people in my home town who are in financial hardships by no fault of their own.

    What I want to say is: some people are just very social and love to connect with other people. Being friends does not necessarily mean having a deep connection and spending a lot of time together. It can also mean that you genuinely care for people and that people know that they can always rely on you when the need arises. “Friend” can mean a lot of things. Some friends are closer than others, but I doubt this man has spent a moment in his life thinking which people he’d consider “real friends” and which ones he thinks of as “just acquaintances”.

25. Doesn’t really matter. It’s better having a couple of friends you can rely on propping you up in your hardest times, than 200 people. Speaking from experience as someone who has friends across the country and who would be able to move from state to state and still get people to meet me.

    If you’re still interested in the mechanics of it, just be extroverted, go out and talk to people, find and probe for common topics, smile, find areas of interest and go to common places where you can find people you’re interested in.

    Try improving your aesthetics. it helps as an optional.

26. [removed]

27. They don’t. Their interpretation of what a friend is and you interpretation of what a friend is are two different things.

    Frankly the reason a lot of people on this sub struggle with this is because they get way too emotionally invested in their friends instead of settling for more surface-level relationships with people where you chit chat about things you have in common and leaving your deep emotional problems out of it.

28. He has to pay them to be his friends, but he is only allowed to go to 2 friends party a week

29. I have quite a lot of friends, not as much as the guy in the video but I can share my own experience. The way I got many of my friends is just from being in many different friend groups, and not discounting someone from friendship if we haven’t talked in a while. If I had to estimate, I have 11 friend groups that I bounce between, and I try my best to stay relevant and join in or hang out. I often am already friends with one person, they introduce me to their friend group, and then I become one of them. It’s all a matter of propinquity and never letting friendships end.

30. I have a lot of friends but I don’t hangout with any of them lol, like my solo time and don’t have extra money to do much

31. I myself have a large social circle. Mainly through my years of volunteering in different organisations in a fairly small student city. This results in me having some minor sort of background with many people, but like many other commenters said, many of these “friendships” are better stated as “good acquaintances”. By this time in my life, I’m hanging out with someone multiple times per week, but there are very few people I meet up with regularly.

32. It’s better have one or two really good friends than a bunch of friends/acquaintances

33. I’m guessing he was a motorcyclist who was part of a large riding group. So they all showed up.

34. Make friends with 10 people 20 times.

    If you think of it like that, it’s not hard to see how 200 could happen

35. Love is like a muscle, the more you use it, the more you have to use. You cannot spend much time with 200 people on a regular basis, but if you cultivate good relationships and don’t burn bridges, it’s entirely possible to have hundreds or thousands of people that you know, like, and care about.

36. Sounds like people just wanted to see what’s going on and party. Celebration of life, after all. People that know someone that knows someone.

37. This is the wrong sub to ask. Most people here have a particular personality type (not bad, just specific) that will skew their perspective on this.

38. Different definition of what constitutes a friend. To many people the people you’ve had a conversation or two with at the local pub could be a friend. To others they may be people you want to share secrets with.

    I have a friend who I’ve hung out with, with MANY friends, but all his relationships are pretty superficial. He actually admitted to me he hates most people, but he’s an extravert and when the power went out her wanted to hang cus he dint’ want to be alone, so not everyone is going to be on the same level yo consider a friend at, actually many people’s friends aren’t that deeply set. So there’s that.

39. There are quite a few people (largely in online spaces) who I call a “friend”. However, the level of friendship varies person to person. There’s only 2 or 3 who I trust enough to share super sensitive details of my life with, while with the others I’m friendly with them, but not quite to the same degree as the few who I’m really close with.

    You can have a lot of ‘friends’, but only a small few ‘best friends’

40. My friend had a lot of people at his funeral. He was very open/warm and asked many of his coworkers or classmates to hangout often. You can have close friends and many non deep friendships. Confused about the notion of not being able to have different types of friendships w many people. The close friends knew him on a deeper level and we were the last ones to leave his parents house at the end of the funeral. You can have friends for the sake of enjoying their company without “deeper” connection.

41. They’re part of a larger social circle: i.e. religion, their job, or a community they’re passionate about or well known in.

42. I reckon my partner easily has 200 friends, he’s the most extroverted person I have *ever* met. It is absolutely wild to me, and exhausting trying to maintain the friendships that have come about from his friends, i’ve mostly given up and firmly consider them acquaintances at best.

    How does he do it? I don’t know, a deal with the devil perhaps? He seems to put a lot of effort into starting a friendship, lots of time and attention, almost pursuing them like you might a romantic interest, and then once they’re established as a friend it somehow becomes absolutely effortless for him to maintain it. If he doesn’t see them for a while he’ll call them while he’s pottering around doing chores, might be 2 months, might be 2 years, then ‘I wonder how that person is doing’ and just presses call like some kind of *psycho* (i hate phones). If they don’t see eachother for months or years and then meet up, it’s like they’ve never been apart.

    We visited our home country recently, first time since we’ve been together, and met up with very few of my old friends and felt a bit awkward doing so, while we met up with like 50 of his, they all greet him like a brother. Its like there’s been no time or distance at all and we left with him lamenting how many friends we didn’t get chance to see! Had the same thing visiting other countries he’s lived.

    I reckon if he died his funeral would be insane, people would fly in for it. I’d put money on it.

    Edit to add: To expand on ‘effortless’, its not really – he does put a lot of time in to nearby friends but its effortless in that it *never* tires him. He’s out with different friends almost every evening, away with different friends almost every weekend. Its never seems like any effort at all to him to drive 4hrs after work on friday to spend a day and a half with friends who live in a different city. Wild.