Sorry for my bad English. I just need helpful advice.
I was classmates with my now husband, Alan, during our senior high school. He was funny, kind, and a smart person. We became friends and eventually i harbored feelings for him, but i kept to myself in fear that i will ruin our friendship.
I have an older sister, Nene. She is the apple of the eye of our parents. I was not abandoned nor was neglected. They paid for both of our colleges. I just feel that they put her on a higher pedestal. Regardless, i do love my sister. Still, i know her tendencies.
She is an adventurous person, like how do i explain this? She likes to explore things and enjoy life, which i personally don’t dislike. She does not like to settle on boring situation, like when we were watching boring movies, she will invite me to other exciting places or activities.
Sometime during one of our group meetups, my sister met Alan. They hit it off immediately and secretly dated for a few months before they announced their official relationship. I was bummed and felt betrayed by my own sister, but that’s how life is and i tried moving on. I focused on my studies as i have aspirations to fulfill.
They had their small but happy wedding when Alan was 22. Nene soon gave birth to twi children, a boy and girl, and they are really cute children. I often help out with them when my time allows me to.
Four years after their marriage, my sister felt unfulfilled. She confided to me that she felt empty and now has to juggle between being a mother and wife, and her job. She dislike the life of being tied down and wanting to be more free without being restricted by responsibilities. I tried persuading her to work it out with Alan and seek counseling to help her with her issues. I thought i convinced her but a month later, i received a call from Alan that Nene had asked for a divorce and left their house.
According to Alan, he noticed my sister’s odd behavior and he tried asking her about it, but she was dismissive. He was blindsided with the divorce and tried fighting for her.
My sister, i don’t know if this is her being kind or neglectful, gave him full custody rights of the kids and the house and 50/50 of their accounts, in exchanged for a swift divorce. I was confused why he accepted her offer but he later explained that she threatened him with taking full custody of the kids if he doesn’t accept her terms, knowing full well how Alan love the kids. After Divorce, she went around the world and visited a lot of places, sometimes sending gifts for the kids and us. Also, she is paying child support all this time.
It took a year until their divorce finalized. During that time, i offered my full help to Alan in taking care of the kids. I love them and they love me. Sometime later, the kids started calling me “mommy”, which surprised me and Alan. I’ll be lying if i say i have no feelings for him anymore by then.
According to Alan, he saw how the kids loved me and how much i loved them. He felt like even if their mom is gone tot he other side of the world, i their aunt is like another parent to them.
During one of my stay over to their house, i had a talk with Alan about a plan for the kids and us to go on a trip to an amusement park. We had drinks because the kids are asleep. One thing led to another, we kissed. We immediately sobered up and was silenced for a minute. We talked about how our feelings for each other cannot be contained anymore but he was hesitant because i am the aunt of the kids and the sister of his Ex wife. He sees us both as breaking some unspoken rule.
Regardless, the rest is history and we became a couple. Two years later we became a husband and wife. We are happy as a family and i gave birth to a healthy baby girl a year ago. Alan and i are talking about having a 4th child but our plan is to ensure we are at a more stable financial position till we try for another one.
Now, to the issue.
My sister came back a week ago. She stayed on our parents house for a couple of days. I received a letter from her three days ago. She says that she would like to have a conversation with me regarding about Alan and the kids, and me.
I don’t know how i can face her. I did marry her husband and took away her position as the mother of her children. I don’t know what words to use and how to convey my reasons to her. Please give me some advice.
Tldr: Need help on how to talk to my sister about me marrying her ex husband
8 comments
…I mean there’s a lot of mess in this post. You owe your sister a convo but she also hasn’t been present for her kids in the last two years. Doesn’t mean I agree with you, her sister, pining after her husband/ex. I think it’s within her rights to talk to husband about their children. Everything else tho, she can’t interfere. You’ve built a life with him it so🤷🏽♀️.
You don’t. Do not marry your sisters ex.
I’m not sure what you are worried about. You didn’t take her husband away, she discarded him. You didn’t take over her role as mother, she abandoned her kids to go off and have fun. If she doesn’t like it then she can lump it. You aren’t the one who did bad; you came in and picked up the pieces of the lives she shattered.
It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, and it’s understandable that you’re feeling conflicted about how to approach this conversation with your sister. It’s important to be honest and open with her about your feelings and the choices you’ve made. It may be helpful to express your love and concern for the children and emphasize that your intentions have always been to support and care for them. Ultimately, your sister may need time to process everything, but approaching the conversation with empathy and understanding can help facilitate a constructive dialogue. Good luck.
She basically abandoned her family. They were divorced! What is the problem??
After the divorce there is no “taksies backsies”. She doesn’t get to come back and assert the role of mother because it’s now CONVENIENT.
She can say whatever she wants to, but you’ve done nothing wrong! There is no rule that says you can’t pick up a man your sister THREW AWAY!
He simply realized he married the wrong sister in the first place!
“It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!”
Updateme
Miss OP
You should not café what your Sister says, becuase she literaly abandoned/drop her family just becuase she need more exitement.
She left and left behind her kids for years, You where more of a mother to them that her, Even if she pay child support and send gift tehre was no mother child Bond and she wasn’t there to confort her bio child when they needed. So no she is no mom she is bio mother and that all.
Also You didn’t married her husband, You married her ex, the one that she also drop for the seek of exitement in her life, she didn’t have second thought of leaving them behind.
So no you should not fear her reaction. If she thought that after she returned there will be a Home waiting for her to just say “Let’s rekindle and be a family again” she is a fool and a selfish.
You shouldn’t have to feel bad for her and not give importance to what she has to say about your marriage. Even more talk to your husband and if he agree ask her to handle the Rights to the twins and adopt them, so this is also a win for your Sister SO that way she doesn’t need to pay more child support.
You just need to Focus on you and your family, she doesn’t have a word to say about any, she took her decision now she has to face it.
Good luck OP
UPDATEME
You didn’t take anything it sounds like she gave it to you. She doesn’t get to abandon her kids and come back years later wanting that mom position. Sit down and talk to her but hold your ground that she doesn’t get to leave and come back with demands
Need to just sit down and have the conversation. Doesn’t sound like she specified exactly what her opinion is on you marrying her ex and becoming her children’s stepmom/mom, but we’re all assuming she has an issue with it. That’s on her! She left the marriage and abandoned her kids. Normally marry your sister’s ex is a shitty thing to do, but you’re way past that at this point.
We need an update on how this conversation goes though please. Good luck! Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself and your little family though!
Updateme