I’m interested in hearing from women. What’s the best way for your husband to handle sex rejection?
I know this is a weird question but even after all these years of marriage sex rejection can feel a little awkward. This isn’t a dead bedroom situation. Just every once in a while when her body just isn’t up for sex. Of course, no pouting like a child. But is it wrong to find something else to occupy your time like workout? Or is it better to stay there and be present without expecting sex.
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I would be pretty hurt if I turned down sex and my husband stormed away to go lift weights or something. It sends the message that you don’t think she’s worth hanging out with unless she’s putting out. That message will still be in the back of her mind the next time you try to initiate too, and I’m sure you can see how it might go from there.
I rarely reject my husband, but when I do he is super understanding and will just cuddle me and talk to me. It’s normally due to me having a horrible headache/migraine and I can’t even manage to just lay there, so he’ll give me head rubs until I fall asleep. Then typically he gets up and takes care of himself.
I personally appreciate this because it let’s me know that he isn’t just being lovey because he wants some and that he cares about how I’m feeling and is willing to switch from horny to caring.
Say “okay” and continue doing whatever we were doing before?
I’d expect him to just say “ok, love” and go about the night.
First of all, I expect my husband to read the room and not initiate if it’s pretty clear I’m occupied or not in the mood.
I read a lot of threads where men are like “I asked if she wanted to have sex and she said no because she was watching her show!” Like, why are you asking while she’s busy in the first place?
Or saying things like “out of 10 times asking, she might say yes once”. Stop asking. Seriously. Sexual rejection shouldn’t be common and that’s not just on the one saying no. That also means stop asking if it’s pretty clear they will be saying no and not just asking for sex out of the blue without some warm up.
My husband never just flat out asks if I want to have sex. We typically lead up into it for a bit and it just naturally turns into sex.
If I know it’s headed there and I’d prefer to shift to something else because of whatever reason, I’d just let him know. No biggie.
Sometimes I suggest an activity that my partner doesn’t feel like doing at the moment.
Me: Want to get takeout/go for a bike ride/see a movie?
Them: No, I’m not in the mood for that.
Me: Ok.
Maybe I’ll do the activity alone. Maybe I’ll revisit it later. I’d like sex “rejection” (maybe re-think your word choice/the way you’re framing this to yourself) to be treated the same way.
Both my husband and I just say, “That’s ok,” and we continue to hang out and be nice to each other.
We expect each other to be respectful and understanding and be mature about any time we say no to sex.
The best way is just say “okay” and go on with the evening. I doubt I would mind if he did something else to occupy his time. It would be weird, however, if he did a 180 on what we were doing just because I didn’t want sex. Like if we were watching TV and messing around. If he decided to work out instead of continuing with the show, that might be a little hurtful.
I think needing to get up and ignore your spouse when they don’t want to have sex sends the message that the possibility of getting laid is the only reason you have interest in being around them. Behavior like that seems infinitely more likely to reinforce a negative mindset around sex.
I haven’t had to reject him, but hopefully he would know there’s a really good reason. Be sweet, understanding and want to cuddle..lol I think.
I sent you a dm with my perspective based on personal experience
It’s how the rejection happens. If the rejection is done in a gruff/dickish manner the response is a lot different than otherwise.
You just have to stop caring.
If we are engaged in an activity/quality time/etc, and he just got up and left when Im not feeling it I would feel like I’m just a convenient hole and that he has no interest in having a connection with outside of sex. If it’s a couple hours after said activity and he’s just like, hey I’m gonna hit the gym, it’s no big deal.
You accept no as an answer and get on with your day. That’s about it.
I’ve literally never rejected my husband for sex. When he’s rejected me, I’ve just masturbated instead, and he’s okay with that. I don’t make him feel bad, he’s welcomed to participate if he wants, it’s just not that big of a deal.
Unless it’s the other way around. I’ve rejected my wife 4 times in 20 years. 3 of the times she through a crying screaming fit. The other time she just ignores my no.