First a bit of a backstory, the question comes in the end:
So I’ve (30m) been seeing this women (28f) for over a month, we had three dates so far, and one long phone call in between. The last date was first a walk, and then cooking together at my place. So far we’ve only hugged each other at the beginning and the end of the date, and that’s it basically with physical intimacy. During the cooking I tried to subtly and slightly touch/tap her at her arm/hand with my fingers, but I did not have the feeling it was reciprocated. I expected for example a look into my eyes as a sign that she noticed it and to encourage me, but especially when we were sitting on the couch to eat I noticed that she sat very close on the edge of the couch and did not really look me into the eyes. She also left fairly quickly afterwards – but the date was in total 3.5 hours, so I wouldn’t complain about that one. We’ll also see each other again, and have a call scheduled on Sunday to decide upon what to do and when.
My question is now, since I don’t want to do something which makes her uncomfortable, but at the same time have the feeling that it is the guy’s job to show his “manliness” in just putting an arm around her or kissing her, should or shouldn’t I talk about my uncertainty in “just” doing it? I’m not much experienced with taking the lead here and am super uncomfortable, and would therefore very much like to talk about me having difficulties in establishing physical closeness – preferably as soon as possible like during the next phone call-, and would like to know how her expectations are around that. But on the other hand – she continuous to want to see me, and we’re clearly dating, and a kiss is something adults do during dating, so maybe I really should just “simply” do it, ignoring the non-existent signs of an invitation from her side for a right moment, and if she declines me in the act, then we can talk about it?
3 comments
If you’re really concerned you can simply tell her that you want to kiss her and wait for a response. Or you can lean in for a kiss and see if she reciprocates. In my experience doing the latter, if someone does not want to kiss you they will swerve it into a hug haha and that’s okay if it happens! Most of the times the kiss is reciprocated 🙂 If she does not want to kiss you then I would have a talk with her to see what’s up though because you also have your needs and wants, and they should align, otherwise you can find something that works for both or simply part ways 🙂 I think stuff like kissing or putting your arms around each other is fairly normal even at the beginning of dating but everyone has their own boundaries so just communicate and have fun 🙂
Ask her “would you like to hold hands? Can I put my arm around you? Can I kiss you?”
It’s ok to communicate.
Do not talk about it. The more burden that gets passed to her the more she feels like a mother than a partner.