Let me back up a little bit so you’ll understand why I’m alittle hurt. My husband was cheating on me for the first 2 years of dating. He was buying OF of girls he knew in real life and was attracted too. I found out a week after a surgery of mine that pretty much said I couldn’t have children. This was all a year ago and I been battling depression since. Anyways, ever since the OF stuff our sex life has been shit and I feel ugly. He doesn’t buy me flowers, calls me pretty once in a blue moon, doesn’t try to sleep with me much anymore, doesn’t plan date nights, doesn’t really communicate to me even when i try to talk and absolutely no romance in our marriage.
I talk to him about it all the time and nothing is changing. I just get excuses 24/7 “I’m depressed” “I think I might be bi. So I hate myself” “Ive been burnt out” etc etc.
Anyways last night we were playing games with our friends and one of his friends called a female lead singer hot. I agreed, I said she was pretty many times before. My husband just states “She’s hot”. I was caught so off guard. I was like “what?” He had never called anyone hot before and he hardly ever calls me hot. Only a hand full of times during sex. But that’s the only time I hear it. He replies “What? You said you agreed?” The thing is I can’t call another male hot. Females it’s okay. He thinks I’m bi. Which I kinda am so. However if I say “Robert Plant In the 70s was good looking” he gets pissy and hurt. It’s bullshit. And of course all the girls he bought porn from and the lead singer are all way skinner than me. So it makes me feel like a fat POS. I replied “just you never called another female hot before so just caught me off guard” he replies “oh well..” then shrugs and turns to his friend.
Before they came over I already cried in the bathroom for 20 minutes because I didn’t feel loved by him anymore. So to hear that statement just a few hours later, hurt me because I was already hurt. I would love to be called hot in front of anyone. I never have been.
Plus our other friends, a married couple, (his bestfriend and his wife) were there too. The female is a bit odd. She won’t really talk to me but her and my husband will talk for hours about their past (they knew each other because of college. Which I had no idea until they talked about it) and talk about weed/mushrooms. While I and his bestfriend just sit there bored because we don’t do that stuff. It’s a bit uncomfortable. Would anyone else be uncomfortable in this situation? Or am I just overreacting? Maybe I’m just jealous because he won’t have long conversations like that with me anymore. I’m not sure. But it is weird she won’t really talk to me even when I try to engage in a conversation with her.
Tldr/ husband calls another female hot in front of group of friends. Had never called another lady hot in front of me before. Caught off guard.
7 comments
Why did you marry him?
And if you say “because I love him” I will throw shoes.
Why did you marry him! He sucks.
My husband and I talk about other hot people. Neither of us feel threatened because we love each other. And hot people are hot! Good for them, you know?? It’s no reflection on our commitment and love for each other.
You really need to think about why you are staying in this relationship. You deserve so much better!
Wake up and leave or live the rest of your life suffering. You’re knowingly with someone who clearly doesn’t have any respect for you. You have a responsibility to yourself.
OP you deserve better. This guy deserves to be alone. Please don’t waste any more time on this man.
You sound like a nice lady so I’ll be blunt with you: this man is completely undeserving of you. You love him, and that’s…life, but loving someone does not mean being their doormat and emotional punching bag. Please, you are worthy of being team you. You are the main character in your story.
He’s not going to change because he’s foul but also because you are showing him that you’re okay with his behaviour and attitude. He’s pushing it because he can.
What he said about no man wanting you because you can’t have children was immeasurably cruel, designed to hurt you and keep you in check. It’s also, quite frankly, bullshit. It’s not true. He is not the speaker of All Men. Please don’t believe him. You probably have insecurities about it — but work them out by yourself (or a trained professional) NOT with him.
ETA: I read what you wrote about not leaving immediately. That’s very true. I hope, then, that this incident is the trigger that helps you make a good exit plan. You got this.
You saw he was a crap insecure person, there’s are better men. If he isn’t attracted to you he isn’t, you are better off finding someone else. But why did you even get married to him
your entire relationship sounds like a nightmare. this one incident shouldnt be a big deal. but because of all the other toxicity it just triggered you badly. get out of there girl