We met on Hinge and added Instagram soon after at the beginning of August. I was out of the country at the moment and we had small flirty talks and some deeper conversations continuously over the summer. We met first week of October when I got back to LA and since our first date he calls me every night and we would talk for 5-8 hours straight. That lasted two weeks and we also had a few more dates before he asked if I wanted to become his girlfriend (he asked before, I said it’s too fast, but he said that’s not too fast for him). However, as soon as we officially got together I felt like he doesn’t say cute things to me anymore, and when he calls me at night there seem to be no conversation anymore. When I asked him why that’s the case and said I felt distant from him, he got defensive and told me I can’t expect everyday to be special and that I should appreciate the fact that he was calling me every night. He also told me to stop disrespecting him and that if I want a serious long-term relationship I should take emotional stuff slow or else it’s not sustainable. Similar arguments happened every 2-3 days and both of us were quite tired. He’s usually quite aggressive and said strong words during these arguments but would apologize the next day and tell me it’s his work that’s too stressful recently and told me to wait till December, and that as soon as his work is less stressful in winter he would return to the fun him again and thanked me for understanding him. However, we still fought constantly (during the only 2 weeks we were dating) and the last time the argument started out of no where, he said very aggressive things to me and broke up with me. He asked me why I’m always complaining and blaming him and said that it makes him “so fucking mad and sad”. He also told me to “just fucking go away” and that I’m “seriously out of your fucking mind”, “you fucking retard”, “I regret dating you”, and told me he’ll throw my stuff at his place away because I don’t deserve it. After he said all these aggressive things he blocked me on Instagram. Two days later he texted me and said he was going to throw away my stuff but he will drop it off at my place. He also apologized and said “sorry for everything”, that he just wanted to get rid of my stuff out of his sight asap. I thanked him for bringing back my stuff eventually and hoped him all the best, he told me to “stay healthy and eat less snacks, other than that you’re better than me”. When I looked at the stuff he dropped off I realized he also gave me a box of herbal tea that he always told me is healthy when we were dating. That was the last time I ever talked to him and when I checked his Instagram account with my friends’ account I saw that he had put all his archive posts back up and had 10+ more followers since we broke up (most likely he’s already meeting new girls from dating app).
I’ve been quite down since the breakup and think about our cute moments together and all the stuff we said were going to do together but never had the chance to. I thought about planning trips to San Diego, planning picnics during Thanksgiving and always saying we were going to Canada to spend Christmas together. Now that we’ve broken up I no longer look forward to Thanksgiving or my winter break anymore… I know I’m in a very bad place right now, I still somehow miss him even though he treated me poorly, and I’m scared of texting my friends more because they’ve already heard enough of my sad thoughts already… I listed stuff that I liked and disliked about him during the short relationship as below:
Pro
\- Always picks me up & drops me off back home (I live near Westwood he lives in Inglewood)
\- He paid for most meals we ate, and we always said thank you to each other whenever the other person pay for something
\- Some good cuddling memories
\- Tries to make me live healthy; has lots of good qualities to learn from (workout daily, healthy routine, goal oriented and very logical person)
\- Would apologize to me after being mean, said he would change, he wants to make me happy, and thanked me for understanding him
Con
\- Disrespect me sexually (I am quite sexually inexperienced and he sometimes keeps try to pressure me into doing stuff that I previously said I weren’t comfortable with); also grabs my ass in public (told me he thought my squirmy reaction was funny)
\- 12 exes before me (told me he wasn’t too serious in college)
\- Called me “fucking retard”, “seriously out of your fucking mind“, “just fucking go away” when breaking up
\- Said I was using him and disrespecting him when I said it was going fast & should wait longer before we were bf/gf
\- Told me what I’m feeling is wrong
\- Told me it’s not fast
\- Said I should let him cum on me because otherwise it’s childish
\- Order me to say thank you to him after a fight & threatens to not talk to me if I don’t say thank you (told me to show gratitude that he is still alive)
\- Cold treatment but said he wasn’t ignoring me the next day, said he just went to sleep
\- Paying — not generous and somehow keeps reminding me that he was paying for stuff, even though during our first/second date he told me he’s happy paying for meals because we only go out once a week and that he’s older than me and working and he should pay
\- Never try to put me in a good mood after a fight, only says sorry and nothing else
\- Doesn’t have much empathy (but says he will change)
\- Told me he used flirting to get closer to me, told me if I’m being too emotional it’s very easy to be manipulated by others
\- When I told him I feel distant from him because he stopped saying cute stuff to me, he said I’m expecting too much & I shouldn’t expect something special every day
\- Never shares his feelings with anyone — emotionally unavailable; told me he doesn’t even share his worries with his parents
\- When I told him my dad still pays for my credit card bills because I’m still a student & not working, he said I’m a spoiled little college kid and should realize the world is evil and dangerous place and is no Disneyland, said he’s making me stronger
If you’ve read through my long rant thank you so much for your time. If someone can please point out what was wrong with him and whether or not I really dodged a bullet like my friends said… Also any advice on how to get over him would be greatly appreciated. Thank you very much!