I’m mid-20s and I’m only starting college after fumbling about the past \~6 years. Can blame covid and circumstances but ah I’d rather look inward. Although I feel in general, I’ve always been a bit flaccid and non-chalant. I’ve more or less always been considered attractive at first glance but I don’t think I have an attractiveness of spirit so the people I attract to myself don’t normally stick around as I always feel awkward engage with them more deeply. I’m barely skilled in a lot of things but not great at any of them, be it basketball, art and design, programming and I’m seemingly smart but very lazy so it never counts for anything and its slowly catching upto me now. I’ve been trying slowly and surely to push myself out of that and I want better strategies now, cause there’s always a day when I feel like I’ve regressed. How do you wake up and be that 1% better than you were yesterday?
I’ve taken a little bit to religion and spirituality and it helps me start my day with some heart so that’s good and I’m only starting to put myself out there, using social media (its cringe inducing but I do actually want to engage with the world more actively, and only then realising its not for me instead of dismissing it before giving it a chance).
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3 comments
When I was in my early 20’s I was in a similar spot. There were key basic understandings of life I was not taught growing up and I needed to learn them starting from scratch. This is just anecdotal evidence, but the best way to solve this problem was through books. There are books written on every problem you have, everything you don’t understand, everything you want to know, and learning about possible solutions to those problems gives you new and different perspectives on life, even if you don’t use it all, or there are no major breakthroughs, reading (listening to audiobooks) and learning about these things are reading and learning about your self and your life.
I’m 35 and I’d say from the outside looking in I’ve got things pretty under control now, to the point where my friends and family mention semi-regularly how much I’ve changed over the last 10-15 years. None of them realize that it was intentional and I spent hours and hours of my life working on it.
There are many books that changed my life and perspective entirely, one I recommend you read is called “the happiness of pursuit” by Chris Guillebeau. It talks about how the pursuit of something gives meaning in every day life. Working toward something is the best way to feel like you’re adding value to your life.
For books – I always recommend Your Erronous Zone by Wayne Dyer. I read it when I (43) was 19 and it helped me reframe my way of thinking to a much more healthy one.
Also – the major hurdle in changing is admitting you want to change and actively doing that, which you are! You mention being 1% better than the day before – but even that may be too much. Change is like a cruise liner – it makes a 1 degree change in direction, and slowly, over time, it’s on a completely different course. So stay focused on that 1 degree change that develops over time. You’ll be shocked in a year where you’ll find yourself.
I would say to not overcomplicate things, don’t get lost in the “maximize hustle/productivity/optimization” mentality, which most men seem to have a phase of at some point.
For a career just pick something, at 25 I picked IT and networking specifically. I wasn’t great at it, and it took a few years to click, but the best thing I did was just stick with it and go through the motions. Trust the process.