A few years ago I [20M] started developing feelings for a friend [20F]. At the time she had a boyfriend and so I shut mouth and tried my hardest to let go of this feelings, and after a while they passed.
Last year, after they have been separated for a couple months, I noticed my feelings were coming back. I genuinely thought I lost those feelings years before but I guess the were just dormant.
Anyways, now that she was single I had no excuse. I spoke with her and confessed that I liked her. I didn’t tell her about the feelings from a few years back, just the current ones.
She said that she appreciate me telling her but that she doesn’t feel the same way. I accepted that of course.
I decided to back away a bit from our relationship in order to truly understand my feelings and to check whether I can truly get passed them, but because I didnt outright told her I was doing this she continued talking to me as usual, maybe even as if we were closer.
I tried for a few months now to continue being her friend and to leave the romantic feelings behind, but lately they are coming back. Every time she mentions her dating life to me my stomach turns. I reached the conclusion I can’t keep being her friend. I should have reached this conclusion years ago, but I guess I’m stupid.
Anyways, now I am considering my options. Should I tell her the whole story, or just this year’s events. Should I do it face to face or over text. Maybe I shouldn’t tell her anything and should just stop investing time in our relationship and to let it dissolve over time.
I still respect and appreciate her, and so I don’t want to be an asshole about it. Also, we have multiple mutual friends and leave in a *vary* small area, so we would keep running into each other no matter what.
I have learned a lot from my mistakes over this relationship, and reasize that it is my fault for reaching this point, but I am truly hopeless.
Just thinking about cutting her from my life is giving me nausea, which I guess is the reason I need to do it. :/
TL;DR: developed feelings for a close friend multiple times and have finally reached the conclusion I need to break off our friendship. What is the optimal way to do so considering we will keep running into each other and have mutual friends?
Anyways, what do you think? I would appreciate any suggestion.
3 comments
You just have to be honest with her and say out of respect to her and for yourself you can’t continue to be friends because you just frankly like her way too much as more than a friend.
Make yourself less available to her. Busy yourself with activities that do not bring you into contact with her. If she brings up personal topics, change the subject.
Definitely let things dissolve naturally. Don’t be rude, but maybe invest in a new hobby or something that will keep you busy. Invest more time in other friendships. Try to spend time with her when you’re in groups of people and not one on one. Only tell her why you’re pulling away if she asks you about it.