Stressed

I (30f) am so stressed out with my husband (32m)
So to start off.. I have been with my husband for 11 years…married for 2 years. I don’t want to give away too much since we are both on Reddit.

I could give a fuuuuck about porn, I just keep finding him paying for onlyfans when I have told him multiple times it makes me uncomfortable.

The fact that it is so personalized bothers the heck out of me and I’ve been dealing with some confidence issues and trying to love myself again but it is so hard.
4 years into our relationship he was sharing nudes with a coworker while I was at home taking care of our newborn..I stayed.
Goes on vacation…is looking up swingers websites for the state he’s in and tells me “oh it’s just for the fantasy” I stayed.
Frequently disregards my boundaries and I stay..
Once again was looking and only fans and I got so upset and asked “just for clarifications this is a Reddit post right?” He left his phone open while hopping in the shower and I had to dry my hair at the same time and there it was.

Now he’s like “ you say porn doesn’t bother you..but you constantly seemed bothered by it and now you think I’m cheating!”

I responded “ I never said I thought you we’re cheating I asked if it was a Reddit post and considering how recent the last issue we had was (he was looking at an old friend of mine) can you blame me?”

Now I don’t even feel like having sex anymore because I am just so turned off by this behavior…like legit dried up down there and I fear it’s only making our issues worse and no matter how many times I bring up couples counseling it’s just glazed over..

I don’t know what to do anymore. I just want open honest communication…