UPDATE: Thanks for all your comments and advice, I should’ve followed my gut but I’ve been admittedly judgemental in dating lately and wasn’t sure if I drew too hard of a line. I went through with the date hoping for a deeper apology or realization from him that it was not cool to say/ask that, but I didn’t get either of those things. I won’t say I was 100% right about him from that one comment, but I will say we are not compatible. The date was fine, but I will mention this just to show the hypocritical nature of men like this: he was very consumed with what I thought about his dating profile and went on to explain how it’s unfair for guys that women want men over 6′ tall. I personally think that’s shallow (just like the make-up comment), but it is a preference, which people are allowed to have according to some men in this thread. However, he said he got advice to lie about his height just to get a date and that they (women) wouldn’t even notice. And he’s right, I didn’t, but I didn’t look at the height to begin with. But to tell your date, that you asked not to conceal their looks with make-up, that you blantenly lied about your height on your profile screams insecure and non-introspective that he thinks it’s okay to do that but I shouldn’t wear make-up. I’ll end my rant there, but yeah I guess a women’s intuition should always be followed. 🤷🏻♀️
As the title suggests, he messaged me saying he liked how I looked in my pictures without make-up and would be happy if I saved time and didn’t wear any. It’s a compliment sure, but it also feels slightly controlling. Weird thing to say to someone you’ve talked to for one day and have never met. I asked him why he said that and he said he shouldn’t have and that he wanted to meet me “looking like me”. I’m thinking of cancelling cause I feel weird about him now. But am I overreacting? Could he be a good guy that is just saying it all wrong?
40 comments
It’s weird and clearly he is focused on your looks which isn’t a great sign. If he is already having a say in how you should look, what else will he have a say in? Not to mention now you will question whether you should wear makeup, even if you want to just for yourself. It’s an orange flag to me…
Anyone saying that this is not a weird, controlling thing is incorrect.
Men are all convinced they’re being catfished or getting “low value” women and we are tricking them with makeup 🙄
This guy wants to make sure you’re as attractive outwardly as he thinks he “deserves”.
It’s because they don’t give one single flying fuck about personality. Otherwise, why would he even mention it?
The men in here defending him are not doing it in good faith btw.
I’d be cancelling and blocking the guy. How does he even know what you look like regularly? Or what makes “you” “you”? Some people wear makeup every day. And if you did wear it, who is he to tell you not to?
You aren’t wearing makeup for him. You wear it because you like it. It’s your choice.
Next thing you know, he will be asking you to dress down because it “saves time”.
Ya, no. That’s a no. I’d cancel.
Run!
I would not go out with any guy who tries to tell me what to wear or how to present myself for a first date. If he doesn’t want me the way I present myself normally then he’s not for me.
It’s seems that he has a specific type of person he wants to be with and he’s trying to mould you into that type and it’s creepy.
Every guy I have asked about wrost date story was going out with someone who didn’t look like the pictures.I am 100% sure he wants to make sure you look pretty without makeup which is weird and quite controlling
Lol
Not happening. Wearing makeup, fashionable clothes, accessories is big part of who I am as a person.
I am a very well put together woman, in shape, and expect a person who shares my values.
Sorry… Effort in dating is sexy, low effort is not…
That would be such a turn off for me. Nobody tells me what to wear. Including makeup or not.
I wear makeup like twice a year. But if a man I never met told me not to wear it…..yuk.
What in the JP?!
Trust your instincts here, big red flag
As a guy, I would never dare say this..
Yeah, that’s way to controlling for my taste. I’d cross him off my list.
I would absolutely cancel. Red flag for sure
Yes, that’s controlling for sure. Cancel and tell him why you’re canceling.
🚩🚩🚩🚩
Even if he meant it as a compliment, why does he think you should dress to his preference on a first date? If you ask him to style his hair and dress to your preference, that would be weird wouldn’t it?
First dates aren’t about making yourself look how the other person wants. It’s about looking and acting like your best self (according to your own standards) and letting them decide if they want to go on another date or not.
Yuck! Had a guy request the same thing of me! They still think the makeup is for them!!! 🤣😅🤦🏼♀️
*Bray Wyatt voice* Run…
He flew the flag early… it sounds like it’s triggered a gut feeling about him and you should never ignore those! For all he knows you could be a secret makeup artist and makeup is who you are. That’s just a very odd thing to say to someone.
Did you tell him not to do his hair, and wear pajamas? Just to make sure you see the real him. You’ll also need a picture of his bathroom.
If the person you are meeting tells you how to look when you show up, don’t.
Tell him he should consider wearing makeup
I read that asking a woman something like this is a Tate tactic. He says to do it to see if a woman is easily controlled.
Your intuition is telling you not to go, I wouldn’t ignore that.
I think I may have chatted to the same person
He’s either a controlling asshole or a “nice guy” that thinks this is a compliment but doesn’t realize it’s not. Back in college, I thought girls only wore makeup because they thought they needed it to impress guys so I was one of those guys that told girls they didn’t need makeup. It wasn’t until I was older that I realized women don’t wear makeup just for men and it’s stupid to think they would. Granted, I learned this long before I was 34 and never would have told this to a girl before a first date.
I would totally cancel. Who’s to say you cant wear makeup to a first date? Why aren’t you allowed to dress, accessorize and wear makeup as you please? You don’t even know the guy! He’s showing you who he is very early on. Take that into consideration.
Weird af. He’s giving JP from love is blind season 5.
Like others have mentioned, I would be concerned. I mean idk who he thinks he is to tell you how you should look and you don’t even know the guy. I would cancel on him. Come up with whatever excuse you have to, but I think you having a bad or weird feeling about this is a sign you should definitely pay attention to
i’d cancel the hell out of this date
Yeah, definitely cancel. You two haven’t even met in person and he’s already making demands on your appearance.
How do these controlling assholes get dates? Let the lady wear what she wants. Nobody cares about your opinion on date 1.
Please make sure this asshole does not get a date. Swim for open waters.
(1) every reasonable person knows it’s rude to demand someone dress a certain way for a first date. Hell, if I were to go nuts for a first date and take her to an orchestra and she wears pajamas, I at least have a good story to tell! XD I’ll just kindly and respectfully switch seats and allow her to enjoy the show alone, it’s just a first date after all.
(2) every reasonable person knows **why** he wanted to see you without makeup, he is just being super rude and obvious about it.
Find another guy.
Most men think it but it takes a special type of dumb to say it
Maybe it’s an awkward attempt at saying “you’re beautiful just the way you are.”
Or maybe it’s a weird attempt at control.
If you otherwise get a good vibe from him, wear your makeup however you please and see how he responds.
Controlling as fffffff
I had a bf who did this once, and at first, I thought “oh
that’s weird, 🧐” when he first told me that I looked better without makeup.
I Ignored it, and then guess what? He slowly got more and more controlling, and tried to tell me what I could and couldn’t do.
He’s testing the waters, and it’s abusive.
Block and next, this man, OP! 😘
You deserve SO much better
💕💕💕
I would cancel over that. Smells red-pilly to me and it’s also rude and controlling.
yeah, its weird as fuck..
and is giving warning lights of misogyny and inceldom.
It makes me think of all those gross memes about ‘take her swimming on the first date’ (meaning hatefully women are mostly ugly but are fakes & frauds with makeup etc).
It is a weird, controlling, and highkey misogynistic warning flag. There is a small chance he is just strange af (but also thinks you dress on commands for men, not yourself). But bigger chance that he’s in some misogynistic would view forums.
That’s a hard no. Op, you know this is huge red flag. Treat yourself with respect and block this loser.
It’s controlling, cancel the date. He’s subtly trying to tell you how to present yourself and he hasn’t even met you yet. If he was just being nice he’d say “you’re so beautiful you don’t even need makeup, but I like the way you wear makeup as well :)”
What he’s doing is a red flag and you know that already