Hey, so I’m a freshman in college, and I have not really made any friends yet. I will meet people in classes and stuff and I’ve even gotten a few people’s numbers but, even if it feels like we get along well, people always seem to be busy. Ive stopped trying with some people after 3-4 times but then I also feel bad. I would just ask them honestly but I don’t wanna seem desperate. I know people can have a lot of work and stuff in college so how do you tell if someone is actually busy vs just blowing you off?
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Sooner or later they shouldn’t be busy…
If a person declines invitations and doesn’t offer a ‘rain check’ or an alternative date to hang out, I leave ’em be. If someone is actually busy but does want to hang out, they tend to say something like, “I’m busy Wednesday, but let’s get together Friday if you’re free then.”
If you’re at a commuter school or community college a lot of people are legitimately busy. If you’re at a big university then they are just pretending. Either way keep trying, it will be much harder making friends after this semester so if you want a social circle you need to establish it now
If it’s a pattern. You hear they have hung out with other people but declined with you. I’ve had friends say they were busy and would see them hang out with other people on their Instagram stories, so I just realized I wasn’t as close as I thought and prioritized those who prioritized me. I usually give it a 3 rule. If they keep blowing me off after 3 times, I take a hint they’re not interested in spending time with me.
If it’s repeated behavior. I loosely go by a “three strikes” rule for myself, where if I get flaked on three times in a row, I stop putting effort into that person. It’s not about holding grudges or strict enforcement, it’s about protecting my sanity and saving my energy. They can always reach out to me when they’re less busy.
Usually, people aren’t consciously trying to avoid you. They don’t turn around and say “omg why won’t they take the hint and stop trying to be my friend.” Usually it just means that they like you, but they don’t like you *enough* to prioritize you over their other plans, friends, or obligations. It’s just not a strong enough connection, it happens all the time, and it’s gonna be ok.
I don’t understand either. I figure if someone wants to they will. If they don’t ever initiate contact and its only you then they don’t like you. If they text back and try to make new plans or check in then they are just busy