I(M42) have been with my wife (F41) for 20 years and married for 17. We have 3 kids. I love her and care about her but no longer feel like I can be in a relationship with her. I don’t feel we are compatible anymore or that we bring the best out of each other.
We have been to couples therapy (quite a few) and individual therapy but things don’t seem to improve. She feels that I don’t try hard enough and I feel that I’ve tried my best. A few years ago I spoke to her and suggested we separate but she did not want this and cried a lot so I agreed to stay.
Things have not really improved since then, we have some good days, but I feel those are few and far between. My issue is that I hate seeing her hurt and upset, but I know that the relationship cannot go on and I have to get over the guilt that I feel.
Is there a “right” way to end a relationship? Do I find a place to live first and have that secured before speaking to her? I don’t want her to be able to talk me into staying or feel guilty about her tears and staying for the wrong reasons.
There is nobody else, I just don’t love her the way that she needs and we’re both quite miserable a lot of the times.
What to do??