I can‘t end my toxic relationship and it drives me crazy
Me and my boyfriend are in a relationship since 4 months.
There were a few red flags in the beginning that I completely ignored. He was really jealous and kinda love bombed me. He told me he loves me in the first 3 weeks of getting to know eachother.
Looking back, it was so much lovebombing in the beginning.
I was on a vacation for 9 days with my girl best friend and while I was on that vacation something changed. I don‘t know what happened, but he got cold and distant.
I got depressed (I‘ve got depression and mental health issues since ~10 years) again and that resulted in him being even more colder.
I couldn‘t handle it any longer and tried to break up with him. But we talked it out, he told me that he couldn‘t handle my depression, he didn‘t want to hurt me.
So, we‘re still together but things are difficult. He was cold and then suddenly really loving. It switched so much, I can‘t even describe it really.
Then it began again, his coldness. He canceled dates last minute, didn‘t want to call etc.
I couldn‘t handle it again and broke up.
And my stupid ass couldn’t let go of him. So I texted him again, we talked it out again. We made promises how we‘re gonna handle situations like this etc. I‘m in therapy, I‘m on meds.
Now he‘s getting cold again, doesn‘t want to see me. He got problems with his job and tries to think of a solution, which I understand!
But I don‘t understand why he lets this affect our relationship… he cancels plans, texts very dry. I can‘t remember the last time he said „i love you“.
Today I approached him about all this, he just got really angry with me. I literally cried and asked what‘s so difficult to just say these words to me. I don‘t get it. I don‘t get why he‘s like this and why he‘s not like the sweetheart I fell in love with anymore. I just feel like a burden to him. No matter what I say or do, nothing changes. It‘s so humbling to cry and beg for feeling loved again.
I really don‘t know what to do. I love him so much, but he breaks my heart, again and again. And I let him do it. How stupid can someone be?