Hey guys, just looking to hear other opinions on this since I’m kind of drained . My brother had a college situation where he needed $5,600 to pay his last payment of his degree. Long story short my mom and dad or him couldn’t take a loan so my parents asked me if they could lend him my savings money to him because he would pay me back. They said worst case scenario they would pay for him if he couldn’t pay. After he graduated he landed a 6 figures job and immediately started living a flashing livestyle . Wearing nice clothes , getting new apartments, new items and getting many gifts for others. It’s been like this for 10 months and I asked him for the money back since I ran into financial problems due to my college tuition . he said he can’t that is not a priority for him at the moment because since we are family he says we can pay each other later .
This infuriated me so I pulled out my emergency card and said if he doesn’t pay I will bill our parents the $5,600 and he can deal with them. He immediately sent me a message he will pay me back but never to call him and forget his my brother .
I still don’t have the money in hand so until I see it I don’t believe words but I don’t know how to feel. What’s the right approach for asking family for money back ?
38 comments
Your brother is ungrateful, as are your parents. Talk to your parents about this asap. If anything consider suing your brother. He needs to learn to pay his debts.
He said it himself, forget he is ur brother and do whatever you think will most likely lead to you seeing your money. He has shown the person he is and what he values
Sounds like a selfish asshole who expected you to just write it off because you’re siblings, your parents should really be on your side with this since they asked you. Honestly he just sounds immature, hopefully your parents can help talk some sense into him? It seems dumb for him to cut off his sibling over money HE owes
Wow your brother sounds absolutely terrible.
Yeah just get your money from your parents. Then you can just wait for your brother to grow out of being a selfish twit. I wouldn’t do anything drastic like taking him to court or adding unnecessary fuel to the fire. He is your brother after all. He will probably realise he’s been a jerk eventually, and if he doesn’t, then you probably don’t want to be around him that much.
I agree with the other commenter that maybe your parents haven’t respected you enough either. I think really they should have been on top of this rather than waiting for you to ask for the money from your brother.
NTA bill your parents and get the money back
your brother is being a massive 4sshole. 😡😭 I’m sorry. You worked hard for that money and you deserve to have it back. Do what you have to do because a relationship where you have to constantly give and give and get nothing in return is not going to be good for you in any way. Hopefully your brother comes around and if he doesn’t, f*ck him. It’s not your fault. Also I agree that your parents have been a little bit careless. I hope they take your side when you explain the situation
He doesn’t want to be your brother anymore so handle it like you would do with stangers.
Make a letter and write the sum, tell him you have parents as witnesses that it was a loan not a gift and he had over 10 months to pay it back and if he didn’t see you as brother anymore he can pay you back with interest as every stranger has to pay it. Tell him until when you need the money.
Tell your parents what happened and that you are disappointed and that you need the money for your school and tutoring and that you are disappointed that he forgets so fast why he could finish his school and that he no endangers your school and your future just because he thinks it’s not important to give him the money back.
And when he asks next time fir a favor think about that situation and don’t do it.
Go on and ask your parents. You need it, they offered to be the failsafe, and you shouldn’t have to deal with his manipulation.
Do you have texts confirming that he borrowed the money from you as well as paper trail?
If yes, let him know that if he’s not paying you back, you will take this up to small claims court and get him to pay what he owed you PLUS court cost.
Since he already cut you off and hasn’t been paying anyway, that may be the way to do this.
The price of a brother. 5600
Never lend family money
Involve your parents now, don’t wait. Tell them exactly what’s happening and show any proof before your brother can tell tales.
Unfortunately it looks like your parents are not done parenting your brother or they just decided to use your savings. Why do they know how nuchal you have in savings anyway?
I’d send a bill to your parents- if they say bill him- do so to his job
I know how you feel. When my brother needed financial help, he asked for help. I spent thousands and now he has a rich doctor wife he won’t pay me. Phillip, you’re a hypocrite and dead to me thief.
NTA, Break a deal, face the wheel.
If you lent the money to your parents to lend to him, the debt is technically owed to you by your parents. Do you have any of this in writing?
Can you define “my savings money” and “emergency card”?
Remind your brother that the reason he got his degree, and therefore his job, when he did is because you bailed him out. While paying you back might not be his priority, it is yours because it’s money that is owed to you that you need for your own tuition. Go ahead and talk to your parents but I doubt you’ll ever see that money. If they couldn’t get a loan on their own, they don’t have the money to pay you. From now on, no more loans to anyone.
Talk to your parents about it now. Don’t bill them but share your side of what’s happening and reaffirm the agreement you all made. Get them on your side and show them his responses in writing if you have them.
Go to your parents immediately. This was their idea. They said no loans. This is their fault
That’s fucked I hope u get your $ back asap.
It’s your money, you have to right to ask for it. He clearly hope you will just give up. 10 months, especially if he has the money, is disrespectful.
Your parents seemed to understand, and said themselves that they will pay you back, I think you can just go to them and remind them of what they said, and explain why you need it. Or, you can just ask for there help to make him pay you back. In that case, you don’t ask for money, but he will be pressure to give it to you.
if you have him admitting to owing you money in writing (a text is enough some places) you might be able to sue him for it
I think you should bill your parents because they put you in this awkward situation by asking to take money from your savings and they should also apply pressure on your brother to return the money. You are basically in the same situation he was in, needing money for college and I think your brother as well as your parents are responsible for getting the money back to you.
Bill your parents. He is acting not good. Shame on him.
This is why we don’t lend money to family. You might want to try small claims court
I don’t lend anyone money I can’t afford to lose unless it’s a life or death situation.
Otherwise I’d lend what I can afford to give, and hope I get it back eventually, but not count on it.
Just talk to your parents. Your money never should’ve been involved in this in the first place. They are the ones who asked you to get involved. They can referee this.
You’ve gotten enough advice here. The only thing I can say is and I’m sorry that you’re losing a brother this way. It’s OK if you need to grieve the relationship you wish you had with him and the person you wish he was.
Lol your brothers a fucking wang. Let him go, he’ll be your brother again when he’s broke lonely from being himself too much.
Sounds like losing him as a brother is a win-win situation.
Sounds very toxic and extremely selfish. You can’t pick your family.
UpdateMe
“I was asked to loan you money to receive your degree. I did. Your very first priority shoukd have been to pay your debt, you ingrate. Now I need it back, and you tell me “it isn’t a priority to you,” when I need it for my own education? When you have the money, but just want to spend it on other shit? And because I want to be repaid, I am not your brother anymore? I’m sorry to hear that, but I still expect repayment, even if it upsets you. I truly hope you develop some character, instead of being such a selfish user. You were someone I really looked up to, but you turned into such a disappointment, IDK what to say. Just pay me and I guess you can enjoy cutting me out of your life for having the nerve to need my money back.”
Dispassionately, address this as you would a business situation. We all get triggered by family, but when we can be non-reactive, it’s always to our benefit. It doesn’t matter that your brother is being an a…. the objective is to get your money back. I would contact your parents, follow through by repeating what was said to you, “you said you cover…” and tell them when you need the money by. All this done without exasperation or upset in your voice. Avoid drama and if they want a discussion, avoid that as well. You did a kind and generous thing. It is time to follow through on their obligation. You don’t have to explain why you need the money, that you are desperate. You simply can tell them a deadline. Whether your brother talks to you or not again doesn’t have to affect your serenity.
He is an AH. I wouldn’t give a shit if I didn’t talk to him again because you need the money, you loaned without interest, and he is spending willy nilly and doesn’t care about you. Why would you care if you don’t talk to him again?
I would get my money and if he doesn’t pay, you can take him to small claims court if you have it in writing it was a loan. You don’t need a lawyer for small claims court, you go yourself.
Tbh, this sounds as if you’re afraid to ask your parents because you’re dreading a possible refusal.
Now, the situation is the same he had. Money needed for tuition. So, why should they react differently? Did they give you signs of goldenchilding him?
The right approach is to never lend money to family. Only give them money you don’t expect back.
Which is the lesson you just learned but my mom told me all the time as a young adult.
I’m almost 40 but I would still bring my parents in on this one.
Totally tattle on his bratty ass. I’d be using Mommy and Daddy and all the little brother stuff.
Good luck 🤞🏼