Hi, let me know if there would be a better place to post this, but I do think this is pertinent to r/social skills.
I’m 25F and this friend I have is 24F. Firstly I want to mention that we’re merely internet friends, not IRL friends. We met through a discord.
I used to not be super social and have worked on improving myself, actually in part thanks to this sub. I see a lot of myself in this friend and she reminds me a lot of how I used to act so maybe this is why I feel a bit of a connection towards her, even though she’s just an internet friend.
My friend has recently had a tough time mentally and I did chat with her to just kind of help her through it as I had experienced something similar in the past. She mentioned she was grateful and somehow we got on the topic of making friendships and self-sabotaging.
Without getting too much into it, my friend’s mental health is deeply tied to being judged by others. As a result she says that she often self sabotages her friendships when they get too close because they scare her. I used to struggle with this in the past so I basically told her I related, all that jazz.
Here’s where I need advice. I could be crazy, but I do think my friend is self sabotaging to me right now. A few days ago she started becoming more distant with her messages and to me. Now she is mostly silent. I know she is going through a rough patch right now, she has said as much. And before you mention it, I honestly don’t think I was being too overbearing or weird over chat. Based on our messages when I helped her through a rough spot a few a days ago, she seemed pretty grateful to me for reaching out.
My advice now is just where to go from here. My friend is very depressed and I can’t help but feel that she needs someone, but I just don’t know what to do. She mentioned to me once that she really doesn’t have friends because of her fear of being judged so I know she doesn’t have a lot of people in her life to confide in. It’s also possible that she just needs space. I guess more than anything I’m just worried about her, but at the same time I don’t want to seem super overbearing. Is there anything I can do, or should I just play it by ear?
Any help is appreciated—thanks!
1 comment
You should definitely start off by communicating this to her. If she is afraid of judgement, she may be afraid that you are forming negative opinions about her after she has opened up. There is nothing wrong with what you have stated here in this post. I actually think it is very sweet.
By communicating that you don’t want to be overbearing, but you care about her as a person and value her friendship since you feel a connection with her unlike most people, you could perhaps help her feel more comfortable. She probably feels she isn’t good enough to keep people around, so this kind of friendly reassurance can help a lot, especially since you’re reaching out first.
I wish you luck!