My husband and I have been struggling with our marriage lately and we can’t seem to agree on anything. I have been dealing with health issues such as ADHD, anxiety, and psoriasis. It’s definitely been a difficult period for me and he is also in a career transition. He is transitioning from the military to the civilian workforce. Our fights have escalated to where we felt we needed to take a break and he went to spend some time with his family. We have both hurt each other to the point where we almost thought we needed to divorce. Today he called me to let me know he would feel more comfortable living apart for a few months but still in the same city. He’s planning on getting his own apartment and I would stay in the one we shared. He believes that if he has to come back and deal with my emotional roller coaster and him having to deal with his job transition that we will not be able to be successful or mentally stable. It hurts because he has mentioned before that he thinks he can’t be emotionally there for me the way that I need him and he just doesn’t have the patience especially with all the changes he is about to face. Part of me is overthinking that he wants out but is phrasing it prettier to not let me get more emotional. I do understand that he has a lot going on, but I also feel like he’s giving up on me or us in general and this is his escape from our marriage. I come from a family that has been married for 30+ years and I have seen them face many challenges and it hurts that he’s not wanting to face them together. Have any of you gone through a temporary separation and did it help or make things worse?
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psoriasis can put pressure on any marriage. Its a difficult health problem to tackle.
Psoriasis at its core is a gut problem fix the gut clear the psoriasis.
See this [scientific research paper](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29908580/) and [podcast](https://soundcloud.com/positivehealth/dr-haines-ely-md-is-psoriasis) by the scientist to learn more.
Here is a heads up from someone that literally is going through this at the moment (partner has ADHD and wanted to spend some time apart) it could well be the end of your relationship.
I agreed to a trial separation with the understanding that we’d get back together after working on ourselves for a few months and not only did he not make any personal improvements he now doesn’t want to be married because he doesn’t see the point and “now it’s changed”. Which of course was caused by him wanting to spend time apart.
I think he has realised how much work it will be for both of us to make a marriage that is healthy and he can’t be stuffed. I didn’t want a divorce at any point and I think agreeing to move out for him is the death knell for our marriage. If I had my time again I’d refuse.
Your marriage is over. If he feels you stress him out then living without the stress, is gonna be better than being with you. He’s not gonna want to return to environment he was in with you.
Take the time to learn to handle your anxiety better and bring more peace to the marriage.
He is not giving up nor has he given up. He is telling you what he is facing and might feel overwhelmed cause of the pressure to take care of you and your emotional battles and other challenges you can’t handle. And it sounds bad, but sometimes you can’t rely on a partner to carry a healing burden , you need to do your work and be support buddies but not making him feel responsible for making it better. That way you both come out of it with a better sense of self and love for each other. It is not easy at all what he is dealing with and neither is yours. The good thing is he is literally telling you how and what will make the marriage work/ sustain it through this difficult part of both your lives.
You can’t work on a marriage in separate residences. For better or worse. That includes career changes & health issues. Can’t bail the minute things get real.
What is your plan when the divorce comes?
Your post leaves too many questions unanswered. How much time does he say he needs apart? Getting an apartment is extreme and would signal the end for me. Is there no where else he could temporarily stay such as with friends, family, or even a weekly rate motel/hotel?
While living separately, have you both talked about your expectations? Individual therapy? Marriage counseling? When to transition to living together again? Ultimately, what does he think this separation will accomplish?
It’s incidental evidence, but every couple I knew that has done this broke up after a while. Distance doesn’t always make the heart grow fonder.
When couples resort to separating or ‘taking time’ when the going gets tough, it’s usually not promising for the future of the relationship. There was more than once in my own marriage when I felt completely overwhelmed and thought I needed some time to myself. My husband would never agree to it and always said “if there’s a problem both people created and can’t fix together, it’s definitely not something one person can fix on their own”. In hindsight I’m so thankful for his view and powering though things as a team rather than individuals. Being home with your partner should bring more peace than distress to your life, and if it doesn’t it’s a serious issue. Is counseling an option?
I think he is just giving himself an out , are you sure it is not an other women in the picture?
Me and my wife are we finally got finances under control it’s gunna be easier